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10 Reasons I Hate My Kid

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On mom on why she thinks anyone who says they love their kids 24/7 is full of it.

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Momlogic's Momstrosity: OK, before you freak out over the headline: "How can you say you hate your kids?? I just LOVE being a mommy!!" Sorry, but you're probably the same woman who said it was "love at first sight" when you laid eyes on your newborn in the delivery room. Come on. How can you fall in love with a shriveled, crying, poop machine? 

If you want to delude yourself, that's fine--maybe you've seen one too many Johnson & Johnson baby lotion commercials. The truth is, having kids is a huge pain in the ass, but most moms are too brainwashed to admit it.



Anyway, that said, here are 10 reasons why I hate my kid:

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of my kid, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know my kid's to blame 'cause she was the last one in there.  

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When she spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Dora the Explorer.

8. If it weren't for my kid, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out a kid in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.




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295 comments so far | Post a comment now
maren July 27, 2008, 10:49 PM

Just wait until they are teenagers and twenty somethings. This will seem like a walk in the park!!!

zmama July 28, 2008, 4:25 PM

Motherhood is one of those things that hinges on our attitude and perspective. It is what is it, messy, unpredictable, rewarding, and life altering. I thought the piece help bring some reality to what we go through during the rough times…but ultimately i think those things that we hate or dislike about parenting end up being things we either look back on and laugh or serve as birth control reminders not to have more kids..if we barely have the patience to deal with the ones that we are currently raising.

Ana July 29, 2008, 11:12 PM

Love this article…it’s all true. It’s definitely a love/hate relationship sometimes and forget SEX - whose got the energy for it? From a mother of THREE kids under 5!

danyel2729 August 1, 2008, 1:25 PM

Your children didn’t ask to be brought into this world. YOU had sex and YOU got pregnant! I feel very bad for your children. There are plenty of people who can’t have children who would love to have them good days and bad. If your children are spilling milk in the car that’s your fault you gave it to them, if they are smushing peanut butter into the curtains where were you to watch them? and it’s not their fault you got extra fat when you were pregnant and have the flabby gut to prove it. Children don’t mess up your life you do that to yourself. If you didn’t want children maybe you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant.

chrissy August 9, 2008, 10:06 PM

Oh please, you guys need to grab a vibrator and work out your stress. there is comedy to this article. perhaps you are all so wrapped up in that glorious life of preschool activities and diaper changing that you lost your sense of humor. you will become that hateful old hag that children refuse to visit on halloween out of fear. i think this is nothing but the truth, accept it, or get out.

wanda August 12, 2008, 5:08 PM

Maybe she does need a good editor, Mariel. But I think first, she needs a really good counselor.
There are way too many mothers like her on the news right now, in jail or prison, who started out with the exact same attitude: my child(ren) is(are) a burden. I didn’t get enough time to be first. I am going to be first again. Me, Me, Me!!!!
Get over yourself, Erin!

mommommy August 12, 2008, 5:14 PM

I agree that the author meant to be funny.
Was she?
No.
Was this article good?
Not at all.
So basically she had to have a provocative title to get us to read it.
This was a serious waste of my time.

Being tortured by 5 children and 4 arent mine August 14, 2008, 6:28 PM

Wow.Lol.Yea Now I know I’m not insane and a horrible person =) Thank you.
And as others have mentioned people do need to lighten up it’s just an article.Apparently this woman hasn’t killed her children yet,so she can’t be that bad.Or has she?Lol.Well let’s assume she hasn’t.ha ha
And yea I have had 3 lovely babies that enjoy taking their diapers off and smear poop everywhere.That’s one of the loveliest parts of having children =)
But of course when I have those few seconds alone behind a locked door I am able to calm down and remember all the wonderful cute sweet things about these kids.
Now that is love,have a kid smear poop all over the place and YOU have to clean it and yet you can still love them lol.

GM August 17, 2008, 12:30 AM

That was lame.

Mean does not always equal funny.

Boo. Go tell your kids you love them, right now. I hope the poor things never read this.

Anna August 23, 2008, 2:10 AM

hahaha! she probably was one of those idiots who thought that parenting was going to be easy. I don’t have kids, and i wont until i know I am ready to deal with the good and the bad. I hate parents who are like her who probably did not plan on having kids or did not really think about the trouble that comes with it. They always weep and moan over their jobs and use the line “well being a mother is hard” to dump their kid on someone else or excuse their children’s lack of disipline.

If you were not ready to have children, use birth control and a condom.

If you did not expect it to be so much work then, that is your miscalculation not anyone elses.

grow up and learn to deal with your mistakes like an adult.

Candace September 15, 2008, 11:06 PM

You are ridiculous end of sentence

Candace September 15, 2008, 11:07 PM

You are ridiculous end of sentence

Candace September 15, 2008, 11:07 PM

You are ridiculous end of sentence

Candace September 15, 2008, 11:08 PM

You are ridiculous end of sentence

Candace September 15, 2008, 11:09 PM

You are ridiculous end of sentence

Sharon September 17, 2008, 10:37 AM

I think Libby should write for MomLogic!! :-)
Her post:
Libby on June 6, 2008 9:19 AM wrote:
I appreciate the humorous point being made, but I would never say I hate my kids. I may hate their actions, but not them. I often feel like shaking them till their heads fall off, but the fact that I DON’T hate them is what keeps me from doing it.
And I did love my child, not from the moment I laid eyes on her but from the moment I learned she exsisted.
Part of being a mom is being able to love someone that doesn’t appreciate anything you do. That won’t appreciate most of it, ever.
Yes I remember the days when I didn’t have to wipe off a chair before I sat down, or didn’t have to dodge wooden blocks on the way to the bathroom, or I could walk out of a room without someone screaming like they are going to die…but none of my drinking buddies ever sat on my lap and said “look I drew this just for you!” or “wow, this is the best peanut butter sandwich EVER!” And I kinda like poke mon,so there!

Sharon September 17, 2008, 11:03 AM

Miserable Mom, your post is so sad! Actually, I wonder if you are someone I know.
Obviously there really are women out there who feel like that and what can they do realistically. I’m thinking that we all know that there are women who feel this way, but like to think there aren’t and we assume they won’t be at a mom site.
Maybe you can find something helpful somewhere on the site, or maybe you should pretend to be a stepford wife for awhile, maybe it will help you, or at least your children won’t feel your disappointment. I just hope that your feelings don’t turn to abuse and/or neglect. They don’t deserve that. Make sure you take some time for yourself, and that can just be going outside for a little bit or to the library or something else free even(gardening is my therapy), and prepare ahead of time that you will stay relaxed & be a good mom. Think out some scenarios ahead of time how you will handle things or what to do about something that’s been bothering you, and try to be proactive instead of reactive.
My prayers go out to you and I surely hope that you talk to someone to help you! :-)

This is great September 19, 2008, 4:22 PM

I thought it was hilarious, people are so serious. I doubt the author truly means this stuff.

Dana September 22, 2008, 11:00 AM

Take a xanax, ladies. I don’t really think she meant she hates her kids.Maybe
more of the fact she hates herself and should od kept her legs closed,and or birth control.

Starr September 22, 2008, 3:42 PM

I have to admit that I understood that it was supposed to poke humor at the Mommy types that tend to say motherhood is all rainbows. But some of the negative talk, like how can you fall in love with a wrinkled poop machine? Calling mothers delusional isn’t going to get this writer any gold stars either.
I’m the mother of 9 children and perhaps it wasn’t the exact moment of their birth - but it was that first cry or holding them the first time that did it for me. I’d been bonding for months as many mom’s do while they are still inside.
How could someone use the word Hate so offhandedly? 10 things I dislike about being a mom would have been a better title. Hate about your kids? Tad strong there, maybe some unvented issues behind that title. Paging Dr. Freud and Dr. Spock!
All I know is that having my kids (who are about 3yrs apart) was that I found them to be an adventure and a challenge. I’ve been puked on, crapped on and had to deal with some ER experiences due to their belief they are exempt from gravity, are invulnerable and immortal. Try explaining to a 5 yr old that he may have extra lives on his video game, but he only had one life here.
I’ve kids from late 20’s to going on 6yrs old and each one has been a roller coaster ride. I’ve grandkids too now that unfortunately live too far away to visit with physically.
But they are giving my kids a run for their money in antics and triumphs. My daughter told me that she loves her son very much, but that at 3yrs old admited that she really wasn’t cut out to be a mom. “It’s too stressful!” she claimed. I won’t deny it, but for some of us it’s just part of the job. Her son is now about 9 and she’s enjoying some parts of being a mother. But then she also disliked the whole pregnant process too, which tipped me off that she’d have some mommy issues.
There are many types of mothers, some are all about their kids, some can balance kids and career, others can barely deal with the role and others have terminated their status by removing the child from their lives.
We are all different, but we are, most here, mothers. (I believe there are some lurking fathers in here sometimes too.)
I can understand some of the negative comments, they feel offended because of some of the listed points are non-issues to them. They don’t like being called delusional or liars.
It’s supposed to be a humorous poke at motherhood, but in MHO it could have used a rewrite to tone down the harshness of some of the wording. It’s just a thought…



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