10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

Thursday, June 5, 2008

filed under: kid logic

A mother of two kids under 5, on why she thinks anyone who says they love their kids 24/7 is full of it.

OK, before you freak out over the headline: "How can you say you hate your kids?? I just LOVE being a mommy!!" Sorry, but you're probably the same woman who said it was "love at first sight" when you laid eyes on your newborn in the delivery room. Come on. How can you fall in love with a shriveled, crying, poop machine?

If you want to delude yourself, that's fine--maybe you've seen one too many Johnson & Johnson baby lotion commercials. The truth is, having kids is a huge pain in the ass, but most moms are too brainwashed to admit it.

Anyway, that said, here are 10 reasons why I hate my kids:

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of them, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know they're to blame 'cause they were the last ones in there.

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When they spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Pokémon.

8. If it weren't for them, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out two kids in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.


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195 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

This is the best thing I’ve read about being a “mommy” ever, my husband wanted to keep the baby so I agreed and now I have twin boys,no sleep,no life,no will,and a deployed husband id rather walk into on coming traffic than have more kids

- alexis

Posted 02/28/09 12:47 AM

Wow. Um. Incase you thought you were funny, you aren’t. FYI. And uh. As for the flat stomach logic- you do realize your the one that PUT them there, right? Or are you as truly ignorant and immature as you sound? This is what brings a bad name to young mothers. Because they have this mentality. (Not that all young mothers are like this.) Pathetic.

- ATeacherWithoutADegree

Posted 03/09/09 05:15 PM

Like Ella, I was never motherly and had my firstborn son because of my husband. The second was an accident that I could not abort since I knew about her existence only in the 2nd trimester. However, unlike Ella, I had to clean up puke and deal with more than the 10 things since he earns more than I do and we still have the mortgage to pay off. After disgesting all the comments and thinking about my own two kids under 5, I can safely say I dislike them intensely (bordering on hate). And before anyone else says anything, I had cut off my tubes to avoid having anymore; and would not even adopt if I could do it over again.

- Anonymous

Posted 03/18/09 05:54 AM

Seriously, people…some of you are ridiculous. Maybe Hate wasn’t the best word to use, but anyone is a BIG FAT LIAR if they say they actually ENJOY doing all those things. Not only that, but wake up people-tolerating some of these things makes someone a GOOD mom. A bad mom wouldn’t worry about the pee in the bed or acting like Pokemon matters. Saying a child is spoiled because they had a tantrum? The only children I have ever seen NOT throw a tantrum at some point, might be a child that is abused or totally neglected. And just to give you all something else to over-react about, I am pregnant right now for the first time and, shock and horror, I have never liked kids all that much. My friends have kids that act pretty good in general and I love them, but usually, when I see a screaming brat, my skin crawls. I look forward to sacrificing for my child, because I think it will be a huge challenge and have great rewards at times, but I had to wait a long time before I felt ready to take that step in life. Too many people have too many kids, have them too soon, and don’t think about any of the bad stuff that comes with parenting. That being said, no one can say the work gets easier when you are older, but maturity helps you to deal with the bad in responsible ways. If venting a few frustrations through writing a humorous list seems wrong to you, you probably need to seek out some better examples of what “bad” mothers do.

- Anonymous

Posted 03/20/09 12:05 PM

It took a year to sink in that my daughter was actually mine, I still look at her and wonder where she came from(only her nose looks like me). I actually found this article humorous. I have felt these things occaisionally(it’s french fries and crumbs in the car … and vomit, pee on the floor … poop scented pants). Just because I feel these things doesn’t mean I love her any less. I agree with Libby, I don’t hate my Chibi, I hate what she does sometimes. Oh, I know a bunch of Playhouse Disney shows’ theme songs now … sigh …

- Ju

Posted 03/24/09 08:51 PM

This was exactly what i needed to read in order to stop contemplating suicide. I am surrounded by mothers who love their lives and i thought that i was insane and felt guilty for hating my daughter, and hating my life. This didn’t even touch all the reasons I hate being a mom, and i really could make people hate me for some of my reasons. Like a crying toddler every night at bed time, i hate crying, wish i could put a silencer on my toddler for preventing crying, the same silencer on the gun i wish i could blow out my brains with. That is my perspective of mother hood straight up.

- Dawn

Posted 04/09/09 10:22 PM

As a person who has kids, I can honestly say, they are A LOT of work. I never bargained for this, and I don’t want them! People who tell you kids are all wonderful… are LIARS!!!

- Missy

Posted 04/11/09 10:31 PM

man you people are soooooo touchy… I thought this post was great. If you were offended by it maybe you should have found something else to read. *i mean really, its named 10 things i hate about my children* Its almost like you people read the title in hopes of being able to find something you don’t agree with just so you can have reason to complain. All of you posting rude comments telling this writter to “get over herself” need to lighten up and realize this post is directed towards people who have a sense of humor. It wasn’t intended to offend other over-sensitive humorless mothers like yourselves. It really saddens me that people feel the need to tear someone so creative and funny down to boost their own lousy ego. “GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!!

- Lani

Posted 04/12/09 08:44 PM

I agree, I detest being a mother. I want the life I had before him back. My husband and I were happy, and wrapped up in each other and then bam, one big mistake later…

- HurricaneMoth

Posted 04/15/09 10:41 AM

I luv #10!! So true

- 1st time mama

Posted 04/25/09 05:12 PM

I understand the feeling as well. I saved up for two years to take a maternity leave before I got pregnant with my son. He was well planned and wanted. The only time I ever cried from happiness was when i heard him cry for the first time after he was taken by c-section. The baby stuff wasn’t so bad because I wanted him so much. Motherhood was good I guess until he got a little older. I love my son but I can’t say I just love being a mother these days. There are few instances that I think motherhood is nice. I have to think that anyone who says motherhood is the best thing in the world has mental issues of their own. My son is 5 years old now and I get so frustrated with him and it is mainly because he won’t listen. I just want him to act like a normal person and not ignore me when I tell him something. I get so tired of sounding like a broken record. “stop” “don’t do that” “quit”.. you get the picture. I just want him to listen to me the first time instead of the 10th after i’ve threatened to spank or take a toy away. he is not spoiled and I’ve tried spankings, time out, positive reinforcement and nothing works consistently. I’ve ask his dr and others about ADHD or ADD but everyone tells me it’s too early to diagnose. they can’t tell until about the 1st grade because it may just be normal 5 year old behavior although he has the symptoms. I just want it to hurry up and end. I want to say I love being a mother but if I said that now i would be telling a lie. I think some say they love being a mother so they don’t have to feel bad about saying they don’t like it….or either their kids just behave better. Children’s personalities are different and some are just better than others thus making for a happier mother. I love my son but I hate dealing with is bad behavior every day(mostly not listening/minding). He is not bad all the time but not good as much of the time as I would like him to be. I am so excited he is starting kindergarten this August!! He will probably remain an only child. I don’t

- Ann

Posted 04/28/09 04:58 PM

Don’t have them then. YOU made the choice to have not one but two kids.

- Stacey

Posted 04/28/09 05:36 PM

This post and its sequel are SPOT ON. For those of you in denial or living with some fanciful, possibly anti-depressant induced delusions, motherhood is the hardest, most draining ordeal there is. It isn’t wine and roses and kids today are overstimulated, overspoiled and never satisfied. I can relate to each and every one of the points on this list. I love my kids, but there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about how my life would have been had I not decided to procreate. My kids are older than the author’s, but even today, #1, 2, 4,6,7,9 on the list annoy me on a regular basis. Thank you immensely for not making me feel like an anomaly!

- Grace

Posted 04/28/09 09:48 PM

I love this post. I found it by googling ‘I hate my kids’ lol. Granted I don’t actually hate them-in fact I love them more than anything- but they drive me up the d*mn wall! Worst thing is, they don’t care. They don’t care about time out, staying in their rooms, me taking their favorite things away, even spanking. My kids do not care. They will do what they want when they want. I am actually making small progress with my oldest- he’s 4- but my 2 yr old is so hardheaded and stubborn to the bone and extremly cute to boot. I am with them 24/7 and am taking classes online. I just looked into a daycare and am joining YMCA which is great for us all. Yes it is tough raising children but it’s also the best thing I’ll ever do. At the end of the day all of the aggrivating things they do go away and they are my little angels!

- Rebecca

Posted 05/06/09 03:44 PM

Loved your post. I think the next should be “Ten things I hate about the politically correct, fake perfect people with no sense of humor”.

- Ginny

Posted 05/07/09 10:41 PM

you are being honest - and I salute you. No one tells you the day to day b.s. that is parenthood. Ohh and btw- wait until they are older, and really know how to push your buttons, or go for a full court press - rip your heart out of your chest….all good times. Gimme a break. Hind sight is SOOOO 20/20

- JMWT

Posted 05/08/09 06:34 PM

anyone of you who says this stuff doesn’t happen in your house and you’ve never even thought these things is full of it! Come off your high horse! I work in social work and the most messed up people i’ve ever met are from the “Perfect Mommy” households! Get over yourselves!

- shay

Posted 05/14/09 12:36 PM

Отличный форум, сегодня зарегестрировался, и никапельки не жалею! Мне зедсь очень понравилось

- eveseaneugs

Posted 05/28/09 05:52 PM

I don’t see why you have to pretend to like Pokemon. It is not your duty to explain to your children that crap like that is a waste of time and money? Anyway, relatively amusing post, but I do not sympathise. Serves you right for having them. Each and every new human (Westerners especially, and Americans super-double-especially) plays a small but significant role in sucking the life out of this planet.

- James Earl Jones

Posted 05/29/09 11:03 AM

CALM DOWN everyone who’s trashing her! There are more people who hate their kids than you think, they just won’t admit it to you because you’re so judgmental. Truth is, they grin and bear it because it’s their JOB, a job they do out of LOVE…but they still don’t want to be there at all. That’s real life. Give her props for BEING THERE and continuing since there are so many moms who think their negative feelings are a good excuse to GIVE UP and their kids end up in foster homes where they get beaten or molested. DON’T JUDGE HER.

- lexiconlover

Posted 06/04/09 03:56 PM