10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

Thursday, June 5, 2008

filed under: kid logic

A mother of two kids under 5, on why she thinks anyone who says they love their kids 24/7 is full of it.

OK, before you freak out over the headline: "How can you say you hate your kids?? I just LOVE being a mommy!!" Sorry, but you're probably the same woman who said it was "love at first sight" when you laid eyes on your newborn in the delivery room. Come on. How can you fall in love with a shriveled, crying, poop machine?

If you want to delude yourself, that's fine--maybe you've seen one too many Johnson & Johnson baby lotion commercials. The truth is, having kids is a huge pain in the ass, but most moms are too brainwashed to admit it.

Anyway, that said, here are 10 reasons why I hate my kids:

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of them, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know they're to blame 'cause they were the last ones in there.

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When they spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Pokémon.

8. If it weren't for them, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out two kids in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.


Celebrity Baby Names: Love It or Not?	Celebrity Babies	Celebs At Play: Posing or Playing?

195 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

I think this person is so right it is unreal and I could think of a million other reasons to add to this list.

- Brandy

Posted 06/20/09 07:46 PM

this is the sickest thing ive ever seen, your a freakin mom, your love for your kids is supposed to be unconditional, your supposed to always try to make them better, my mom is a horrible mother that treats her responsibilites like their nothing…and to be honest you and her sound alot alike

- e

Posted 06/21/09 09:23 PM

If I had my life to live over again, I would have NEVER, EVER, EVER had children! Think it over!!! They are ALWAYS SICK, my clothes are ALL ruined, and I NEVER sleep anymore! I HATE THEM - HATE THEM!!!

- Sara

Posted 06/28/09 09:16 AM

Good grief, some of these posts. You’d think that it has never occurred to some people that not every woman is happy to be a mommy, let alone calling it “the best thing ever” or the like. I believe it’s a gamble frankly. The inherent, unconditional, innate love that many people claim to possess for their children simply never materialized for me. Therefore, for me, parenting is mostly a chore consisting of the obviously humorous list above and many, many other less desirable conflicts. I only get one life; I decided to have and raise a child and it seems I have made a very costly mistake. Being a mother is a continual drain when you must fabricate the necessary but absent emotions for years on end. How silly to assume that every woman who decides to shoulder the irreversible responsibility of having chosen to have children is glad to have made the choice.

- Anonymous

Posted 06/29/09 12:59 AM

Oh, people, lighten up. It’s meant to make you laugh. I mean, most of the points are true, but it seems that it’s meant to be satire. Of course she loves her kids. But they get on her amn nerves at times…and the same goes for the rest of us. Yeah, yeah, I know the sparkle in their eyes and their sweet faces, and the love they show you, and they’re precious gifts from above, and the children are our future, and the worth and value of motherhood, and yada yada. But the point is that our beloved babies can also get on our ever loving nerves on some days, they may make us want to stand on Mt. everest and scream at the top of our lungs…and there’s nothing wrong with venting it. I call my kids bad a$$ little brats/hell raisers (in my head ONLY..and then I laugh to myself because I know it’s not true) when they’re really very well behaved compared to most 1 and 3 year olds (although they get into mischief like any other toddlers). Does that make me a bad mom or ungrateful? This was funny to me.

- Lady CJ

Posted 07/05/09 07:29 PM

duh HELLLO! you have postnatal depression.

- Anonymous

Posted 07/14/09 09:35 AM

oh wow,that’s dispicable to me

- katherine

Posted 07/14/09 07:37 PM

Here’s the problem with society, MOMS are not allowed to admit to any part of hating their job. It’s absolutely ridiculous that any of you should say the nasty things you are saying, particularly those with no children! How dare you say anything? You have no concept. There are plenty of times where being a parent is no picnic, that in no way means that there aren’t times that are great. But there is nothing wrong with not loving being a mom all the time! And I sick and tired of people making mothers out to be bad guys when they admit the reality of it all. you don’t see men being treated this way when they say they have a hard time with parenting, people are so quick to judge. I love my children, three under the age of five, but I’d being a lying fool if I said that I loved every minute of it. And every single one of you mothers out there who go around condemning other mothers, you are the problem and the reason we can get real with motherhood.

- Sarah

Posted 07/30/09 12:43 PM

hey i kinda agree wih this whole thing. kids ruin your life

- mhm

Posted 08/05/09 11:08 AM

Ok I agree sometimes I can not stand my child and can do w/o the whining for no reason all the time and the absence sitters and family members who could come around more but I do love my child even though she is pain. But I do want mention eveyone is entitled to their opinion and freedom of speech and its not like she said wanted to commit murder.she can just do w/o and its a lot of sweat n tears bein’ a mom.

- fedup

Posted 08/05/09 08:42 PM

- fedup

Posted 08/05/09 08:43 PM

Ok I agree sometimes I can not stand my child and can do w/o the whining for no reason all the time and the absence sitters and family members who could come around more often but I do love my child even though she is pain.However, I do want to mention eveyone is entitled to their opinion and freedom of speech and its not like she said she wanted to commit murder.she can just do w/o and its a lot of sweat n tears bein’ a mom I get it. it.Synica

- Anonymous

Posted 08/05/09 08:49 PM

Ha Ha! That’s hilarious! These are exactly some of the reasons I decided NEVER to subject myself to raising the little demons!

- Terra

Posted 08/08/09 02:14 PM

Well it seems like if you hate your kids you have the problem. The first point is that maybe you shouldn’t have laid down with the man or woman without protection. With that they would not be here. They didnt ask to be here, you chose that, Now you hate them??? Secondly, didnt someone have to raise you, and deal with you taking of your diaper, and peeing all over the place. The article was funny, but to those who truly hate their kids, they should hate themselves.

- Thestew

Posted 08/12/09 09:01 PM

Any article with this title is a waste of space. Parenting should require a license.

- Anonymous

Posted 08/17/09 11:17 PM

I’m no “Disney Mom” but you shouldn’t have HAD children feeling the way you do. Too bad your half empty glass attitude will never allow you to appreciate the beauty that was wasted on you. Hope your kids never breed. Comedy is not your gig. Get a new job.

- MissSpider13

Posted 09/01/09 11:54 PM

Another one of those angry women, always in a hurry, bullying people on the road from her minivan/SUV, considering she deserves to be treated like a princess while she is behaving with the grace of a plumber.

- Dr. Biscuit

Posted 09/03/09 11:01 AM

How can you not hate your children? Look at you writing these stuff? What did you expect? Just because you are negative and hate your life, doesn’t mean that having children will help u find ur happiness. These are all in you. Only you can be happy by changing the way you think. Cheers

- Anonymous

Posted 09/03/09 11:07 AM

I hate my kids too, so much.. I’m glad someone else feels the same!

- Marie

Posted 09/03/09 11:23 AM

Funny article I can definitely relate too - and the comments are hysterical too. You people seriously need to lighten up.

- Melissa

Posted 09/03/09 11:27 AM