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5 Products Women DON'T Need

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Momlogic narrows down the list of things you think you need and finds five products we can live without.

Momlogic's Momstrosity: Men are hunters, women are gatherers shoppers. And who among us hasn't been mesmerized by a new product claiming to make us as beautiful as Angelina -- or for that matter, Brad? The sad truth is, not everything on the shelves is actually necessary. In fact, most of it is garbage -- beautiful, sweet-smelling garbage in pretty packaging -- but garbage nonetheless. As a service to all women, we've have scoured the 'Net and came up with five products you absolutely don't need. Tell us if you'd buy any of these items:

liquidvirginsmall.jpg
1) Liquid Virgin Drops
Vagina not what it used to be? Liquid Virgin Drops will tighten you up good. Kind of like a poor woman's vaginal rejuvenation in a bottle. The instructions say to just add a few drops and within 15 minutes you'll snap back into shape. COME ON! Unless we drink the stuff, there's not enough Liquid Virgin Drops in the world to return us to our virginal days -- and it's very unlikely we'd be fooling anyone into thinking we're "pure as the new driven snow" with our kids barging in on us when we're having sex.
sanitarypads.jpg 2) Patterned Sanitary Napkins
If these sanitary pads are doing their job, the only time you'll be able to delight in their sassy pattern is taking them out of the box. Otherwise, used properly, they'll have a whole different kind of pattern on them -- mostly in a crimson motif. Guaranteed to bleed you of your hard-earned money.
hellokittydouche.jpg

3) Hello Kitty Douche
Hello Douche! Most gynecologists would argue whether douching is even necessary, but we're willing to bet all would agree that the Hello Kitty douche is just plain wrong. We don't know what it smells like but we can guess it has the sickeningly sweet scent of the Hello Kitty franchise itself.

nipplehuggers.jpg

4) Nipple Jewelry
How many times have you looked down at your nipples and thought -- I'm just not making the most of these? Yeah, our boobs supplied milk but now what good are they? Enter Nipple Hugger Jewelry, decorative and apparently arousing because they gently squeeze your nipples. We guess you could wear them when you vacuum for some serious multi-tasking. Honestly, if our t*ts still looked anything like the model in the picture we wouldn't bother with jewelry, bras, or even shirts.

clearmascara.jpg 5) Clear Mascara
Possibly the most worthless product ever designed for women. Think about it -- mascara is supposed to make your lashes stand out. Clear is, well, clear -- transparent. So you spend seven bucks wiping invisible chemicals on your lashes and presto, your money disappears too!

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29 comments so far | Post a comment now
Gina July 28, 2008, 4:12 PM

OMG…those nipple jewels look torturous!
And liquid virgin drops?? *hahaha*

Marguerite - momsherbs July 28, 2008, 4:22 PM

Is this stuff for real?

Beckie July 28, 2008, 4:23 PM

Bwahahahaha! Nipple Jewelry ;0)

Devilish Southern Belle July 28, 2008, 7:39 PM

What shelves were these products found on, the shelves at Spencer’s?

jeanne  July 29, 2008, 8:17 AM

Virgin Drops….are they kidding?

Rrika July 29, 2008, 2:59 PM

Come on now we are truly running out of things to make.. Truly without being sexist, Did these items come from a man who in his spare time just said ” I know I know” Hello Kitty Douch ” “That’ll do the trick” Please be serious.

marilyn July 29, 2008, 3:41 PM

the clear mascara works great for keeping your eyebrows in place.

Amy July 29, 2008, 8:54 PM

I agree about the clear mascara it is NOT a waste of money. Plus it works on my lashes it enhances what you already have if you have decent lashes. Course if you dont then it doesnt do anything but

Bethie August 4, 2008, 2:31 PM

What? I don’t know what I’d do without clear mascara! My lashes are very long, but not very thick, so regular mascara just makes me look like a clown. Clear mascara makes them stand out a bit more without the extra gook. So, that should promptly be taken off your list, TYVM.

Petah August 27, 2008, 9:14 PM

I agree clear mascara SOUNDS useless, but I can’t wear coloured mascara (long story - doesn’t end well) and the clear mascara is perfect for holding my lashes in place after curling them.

Also eyebrows.

It’s a beauty stable for me…

Josie September 5, 2008, 5:05 PM

Clear mascara is wonderful. It’s good for creating soft, natural looks, and still helping your eyelashes hold curl and making your eyes pop. You can’t wear super-long ultra-glam pitch-black lashes every dang day!

And its good for combing eyebrows.

kms January 29, 2009, 9:34 AM

I think it should be obvious what Hello KITTY douche would smell like…

HuntersMomTonya April 7, 2009, 11:08 PM

I like using clear mascara but I use Wet and Wild $.99 and it is buy one get one free alot I like use it under my regular mascara. It also gives a soft look just by itself!

Nellie April 30, 2009, 12:22 PM

Actually, I use clear mascara to keep my eyebrows tidy.

Vermont Mom October 29, 2009, 2:45 AM

I have a hard enough time finding bras that conceal my nipples, especially in the cold…..I need nipple jewelry to make it harder?

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