Why I Hate My Teen

Saturday, July 26, 2008

filed under: marilyn kentz

Guest blogger Marilyn Kentz says: Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents!

Teenagers! Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents! Living with a 15-year-old is like watching Jeopardy! every single night -- after a while you start thinking, maybe I AM stupid. It's very weird how one minute you love them, nurture them and protect them -- and the next thing you know, you hate them. And they hate you. Time for college!

Meanwhile, the only power you have -- the only revenge you can get -- is to embarrass them. Say something like, "Honey, better pull up your grades or Mommy will have to do a little rap song for your friends." Come report card day, if there's anything below a C, go to their school and let it fly. Anyone can do this, but it works especially well for all the white bread-toasting, cul-de-sac-living, Dr. Phil-loving moms out there.

Here's mine...

My children are tardy
I'm havin' a party
And my credit card was refused
Should I repair
My damaged hair
Or buy me a new pair of shoes?

Yo, go for the new pair of shoes!

The sprinkler is broken,
The hamster is croakin'
And the science project is due
The ants are invading
And I am debating
To stir fry or barbecue.

Say what?

Order me a Big Mac
Order me a Prozac
Livin' --- on a cul-de-sac.
Can I have another one?
I wish I had a Valium...
Livin' --
on a cul-de-sac

Click below to hear more of this mommy's rap.

Trust me, it works every time.

Marilyn Kentz is the brunette half of the '90s comedy duo "The Mommies" and author of A Ten Step Guide to Fearless Aging.

filed under: marilyn kentz

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7 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

I think we need a blog on why the word HATE and any word for a FAMILY MEMBER should never be used in the same sentence. I hate that we have made the word hate into something that can ever be applied to a member of ones family. Sure you from time to time get impatient even angry at your family members but HATE? Not in our home.

- Anonymous

Posted 07/28/08 08:42 AM

OMG…that rap is unbearable, but funny.

- Wendy

Posted 07/28/08 02:33 PM

well, we would ALL like not to use the words HATE, SHUT UP, and others we’ve taught our own kids not to say…but lady? Do you have a 15y.o.? DO you know the levels of idiocracy that runs single mothers like me into the ground. Dont judge. I dont think HATE is being spoken or meant in a MALICIOUS kind of way… chill…

- J

Posted 10/29/08 01:16 PM

Yes, I HATE my teenager. I can’t wait until he leaves home.

- Anne

Posted 02/22/09 09:35 PM

Anne, I’m in total agreement, except I hate BOTH my teenagers (and I’m preparing to hate at least one more, if not two in the near future). To me “empty nest” is just another word for HEAVEN!

- T

Posted 05/19/09 10:37 PM

I totally agree. I hate and love my teenager all at the same time and not dealing with THIS crap anymore does sound like heaven. I feel like I might not survive this though.

- Anonymous

Posted 07/13/09 01:45 AM

I can’t believe you people. Your teens wouldn’t act in a way you don’t prefer for no reason. You’re obviously doing something wrong. I treat my teens with respect (Tell them that I would like them to get good grades instead of enforcing it) and they take my advice with no problems. I think teens now don’t get enough freedom and responsibility. I love my teens and I don’t want them out of the house.

- Anonymous

Posted 10/25/09 02:38 PM