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Why I Hate My Teen

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Guest blogger Marilyn Kentz says: Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents!

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Teenagers! Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents! Living with a 15-year-old is like watching Jeopardy! every single night -- after a while you start thinking, maybe I AM stupid. It's very weird how one minute you love them, nurture them and protect them -- and the next thing you know, you hate them. And they hate you. Time for college!

Meanwhile, the only power you have -- the only revenge you can get -- is to embarrass them. Say something like, "Honey, better pull up your grades or Mommy will have to do a little rap song for your friends." Come report card day, if there's anything below a C, go to their school and let it fly. Anyone can do this, but it works especially well for all the white bread-toasting, cul-de-sac-living, Dr. Phil-loving moms out there.

Here's mine...

My children are tardy
I'm havin' a party
And my credit card was refused
Should I repair
My damaged hair
Or buy me a new pair of shoes?

Yo, go for the new pair of shoes!

The sprinkler is broken,
The hamster is croakin'
And the science project is due
The ants are invading
And I am debating
To stir fry or barbecue.

Say what?

Order me a Big Mac
Order me a Prozac
Livin' --- on a cul-de-sac.
Can I have another one?
I wish I had a Valium...
Livin' --
on a cul-de-sac

Click below to hear more of this mommy's rap.

Trust me, it works every time.

Marilyn Kentz is the brunette half of the '90s comedy duo "The Mommies" and author of A Ten Step Guide to Fearless Aging.


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35 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous July 28, 2008, 8:42 AM

I think we need a blog on why the word HATE and any word for a FAMILY MEMBER should never be used in the same sentence. I hate that we have made the word hate into something that can ever be applied to a member of ones family. Sure you from time to time get impatient even angry at your family members but HATE? Not in our home.

Wendy July 28, 2008, 2:33 PM

OMG…that rap is unbearable, but funny.

J October 29, 2008, 1:16 PM

well, we would ALL like not to use the words HATE, SHUT UP, and others we’ve taught our own kids not to say…but lady? Do you have a 15y.o.? DO you know the levels of idiocracy that runs single mothers like me into the ground.

Dont judge. I dont think HATE is being spoken or meant in a MALICIOUS kind of way…

chill…

Anne February 22, 2009, 9:35 PM

Yes, I HATE my teenager. I can’t wait until he leaves home.

T May 19, 2009, 10:37 PM

Anne, I’m in total agreement, except I hate BOTH my teenagers (and I’m preparing to hate at least one more, if not two in the near future). To me “empty nest” is just another word for HEAVEN!

Anonymous July 13, 2009, 1:45 AM

I totally agree. I hate and love my teenager all at the same time and not dealing with THIS crap anymore does sound like heaven. I feel like I might not survive this though.

Anonymous October 25, 2009, 2:38 PM

I can’t believe you people. Your teens wouldn’t act in a way you don’t prefer for no reason. You’re obviously doing something wrong. I treat my teens with respect (Tell them that I would like them to get good grades instead of enforcing it) and they take my advice with no problems. I think teens now don’t get enough freedom and responsibility. I love my teens and I don’t want them out of the house.

mc February 12, 2010, 6:21 PM

You that think the rest of us are doing something wrong..please get your head out! You obviously live in an ivory tower existence. You dont know crap about the power struggles, disrespect and sleepless nights that I go through. You have no right to judge anybody. I am a single mom, I am at home all the time, go to church and still life in this house is hell with my 14 year old. She is from a different planet and I cant wait until she graduates…if she can pull that off without getting knocked up or addicted to drugs first.
So do the rest of us a favor and butt out!

pieceofpoopmom March 12, 2010, 4:14 PM

Wow! I was going to start a blog or “something” about my a$$hole kid! I KNOW I am not alone. I have a daughter who is 19 years old, and has put me through F-ing hell since grade school!

She/he has been in group homes, juvey, etc, etc and when she graduated from a group home (whatever - graduated at a 6th grade level) then they paid for college, which she has thrown away twice! YES twice!!!!!!!! Free room and board at college and f-ed that up the first year then went on and whined and cried again so the next year they paid her rent (1/2 with a room mate) and he/she messed that up!!!!

All in all it seems to be allllllllllllllll my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (her) I didn’t do anything, I tried, how am I gonna?, how do you expect?, f-en wah wah wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuze me? Didn’t we all work and bust our butts? Why is
it that they think we are here to cater to them?

HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Right now ……………. I am h-a-t-e-f-u-l!!!!!!!!!! Anyone else want to be truthful?

tresa March 15, 2010, 12:40 PM

i have a 17 year old son who is such a smartass.. whoelse here hates the word “whatever” just wanna smack em.

Barb April 29, 2010, 4:56 AM

I have 14 & 17 yr. old boys. The 17er has been going downhill since he met a druggie sophmore year. Now the 14er is partying with his brother. UNBELIEVABLE home: both parents totally involved, provide well, discipline & caring….what the hell happened? My husband & I have done all we can but they prefer the “dark side.” I can’t wait till their out of here!

YeahBaby April 29, 2010, 3:00 PM

Yeah it’s great to hear I’m not alone.
(except ‘anonymous’ who is just another teen smarta— wannabe.)
17 and 15 boys here, just hate them at this point. From A’s and B’s to D’s and F’s, one positive drug test after another, whine and cry - “but I want a car and a cell phone”
what a couple of wussies!! I feel for you ladies, including myself!

Jimbo May 13, 2010, 10:04 AM

I’m a Dad to a 14 yr old teenage girl who sees kindness or empathy as a weakness. Sarcasm is her primary communication method. Since she got texting/Laptop (Facebook) she has become even more rude and distant. I am rebuked for any attempt to parent this child. Her mother continues to take her shopping and out to eat. My daughter can see that her mother does not follow through with her efforts and that there are no consequences for her bad behavior. In my case, my 15.5 year old teen son is a joy to be around, and my two kids are polar opposites. Daughter has been a pain since she turned two. Only FIVE more years until she moves out. Can I last that long? Can this marriage last that long?

wendy May 14, 2010, 1:28 PM

Thank you parents from my heart for being so honest. I have been hands on, devoted, loving, caring, everything….and in return a boycrazy, foul mouthed daughter who has been physically abusive to me (although that is over since she is on meds). I feel so ashamed that I can’t wait for her to be 18 and I can have my life back. I feel sad, disappointed and embarassed/

Anne June 1, 2010, 7:08 PM

You want to know hateful? Hateful is coming here and telling parents who are at the end of their ropes that it’s their fault and they are terrible people for using the word hate. I hate my child at times—she is verbally abusive and bullying, and has NEVER been treated that way in this house. How dare anyone act as if they have walked in my shoes. I cannot wait for her to go to college and move away. She can be funny and loving and nice, but she always turns on you sooner or later. She is grateful for NOTHING. I will be grateful to live through this, although I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that raising her has taken years off my life. Want to tell me to my face that I’m a bad parent? Leave your phone number here and I’ll tell you where to find me. I am sick to death of people who have no clue and no problems like this acting like they know it all.

For the rest of us who live in the REAL WORLD, hang in there. We are good people and we are not alone.

another frustrated mom June 14, 2010, 4:09 PM

My daughter has put me through hell as well and I’m sick and tired of hearing how it’s all my fault because we got divorced…blah…blah…blah. I have a teenage son (in the same househould) who is responsible and respectful. Last weekend she conveniently didn’t come home one evening so I called the police. She came in when the police were here after 3:30am and acted like I was crazy for calling them after I went to pick her up from work, she wasn’t there and didn’t answer her phone for more than 6 hours. What is a mother to do? Now she says she might not finish high school because it’s her choice and I can’t make her. And she has threatened to move out and move in with an 18 year old boy. She will be 18 in exactly a month. I honestly don’t know what I did to deseve a kid like her, but she’s pushing me over the edge. I took her phone as punishment and she physically assaulted me. I am at the end of my rope.

Sharon June 24, 2010, 11:30 AM

Ladies we can’t let these children get the best of us. Society plays a major part on well we are treated by our teens. Facebook and MySpace are the new parents.We will never be cool enough or understanding in their eyes. My son worships his father and I am just a nobody to him and never will be. I only have one son and he lives with his dad, Yes I am a runaway mom it hurts, but no one is taking me down, but me. I refuse to give birth to someone who has the power to stop my life. I regret leaving sometimes, but my teen could care less about me only the money and now he doesn’t even ask for much of that either.

Best wishes ladies, Remember we are in control not these little monsters.

MsAri August 2, 2010, 12:50 AM

I can’t stand my teens. They are 13 year old twins. I swear everyday is like a hellish nightmare. I can’t wait till they are 18 yrs of age and out of my home. They are defiant and find the worst possible friends be to hang around, constant trouble, constant poor grades etc. I can’t take it any longer. Currently, I am looking into a boot camp or reform school type of facility for them.

MsAri August 2, 2010, 1:09 AM

As I read through the earlier comments. I see there are many similarities. I am very embarrassed because I know I did NOT raise them to behave the way they are behaving. I see that I am not alone. I am a college educated single mom. I have provided for my daughters, I don’t drink don’t smoke, have never had men in and out of home. They have not been molested or abused. I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids. Society is always pointing the finger at the mother, its terrible. Its easy to say” well beat the hell out of them” but really… What will that solve? It will create more of a warzone, I should not have to work and then come home to a damned fight everyday, so beating the hell out of them is NOT the answer. NEXT

Renee October 5, 2010, 4:17 AM

I have a girl, 14, and a boy, 13. They are defiant wastrels who have no interests other than computer and TV. I did not raise them this way. I too can’t wait till they’re out of my home. I think the reason kids are like this today is that parents are not allowed to discipline them the way our parents disciplined us. That is not simplistic. It is the truth. We went through puberty and adolescence too. The difference is we were simply not allowed to get away with what kids get away with today. If I had my time over again, I would not have had children. Truly. I love them, but……


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