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Why I Hate My Teen

filed under: teen  

Guest blogger Marilyn Kentz says: Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents!

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Teenagers! Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents! Living with a 15-year-old is like watching Jeopardy! every single night -- after a while you start thinking, maybe I AM stupid. It's very weird how one minute you love them, nurture them and protect them -- and the next thing you know, you hate them. And they hate you. Time for college!

Meanwhile, the only power you have -- the only revenge you can get -- is to embarrass them. Say something like, "Honey, better pull up your grades or Mommy will have to do a little rap song for your friends." Come report card day, if there's anything below a C, go to their school and let it fly. Anyone can do this, but it works especially well for all the white bread-toasting, cul-de-sac-living, Dr. Phil-loving moms out there.

Here's mine...

My children are tardy
I'm havin' a party
And my credit card was refused
Should I repair
My damaged hair
Or buy me a new pair of shoes?

Yo, go for the new pair of shoes!

The sprinkler is broken,
The hamster is croakin'
And the science project is due
The ants are invading
And I am debating
To stir fry or barbecue.

Say what?

Order me a Big Mac
Order me a Prozac
Livin' --- on a cul-de-sac.
Can I have another one?
I wish I had a Valium...
Livin' --
on a cul-de-sac

Click below to hear more of this mommy's rap.

Trust me, it works every time.

Marilyn Kentz is the brunette half of the '90s comedy duo "The Mommies" and author of A Ten Step Guide to Fearless Aging.


2 comments so far

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Anonymous on July 28, 2008 8:42 AM wrote:

I think we need a blog on why the word HATE and any word for a FAMILY MEMBER should never be used in the same sentence. I hate that we have made the word hate into something that can ever be applied to a member of ones family. Sure you from time to time get impatient even angry at your family members but HATE? Not in our home.

 
Wendy on July 28, 2008 2:33 PM wrote:

OMG…that rap is unbearable, but funny.

 

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