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Why I Hate My Teen

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Guest blogger Marilyn Kentz says: Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents!


Teenagers! Do you live with teenagers? Intense, isn't it? Well, that's where they should be living -- in tents! Living with a 15-year-old is like watching Jeopardy! every single night -- after a while you start thinking, maybe I AM stupid. It's very weird how one minute you love them, nurture them and protect them -- and the next thing you know, you hate them. And they hate you. Time for college!

Meanwhile, the only power you have -- the only revenge you can get -- is to embarrass them. Say something like, "Honey, better pull up your grades or Mommy will have to do a little rap song for your friends." Come report card day, if there's anything below a C, go to their school and let it fly. Anyone can do this, but it works especially well for all the white bread-toasting, cul-de-sac-living, Dr. Phil-loving moms out there.

Here's mine...

My children are tardy
I'm havin' a party
And my credit card was refused
Should I repair
My damaged hair
Or buy me a new pair of shoes?

Yo, go for the new pair of shoes!

The sprinkler is broken,
The hamster is croakin'
And the science project is due
The ants are invading
And I am debating
To stir fry or barbecue.

Say what?

Order me a Big Mac
Order me a Prozac
Livin' --- on a cul-de-sac.
Can I have another one?
I wish I had a Valium...
Livin' --
on a cul-de-sac

Click below to hear more of this mommy's rap.

Trust me, it works every time.

Marilyn Kentz is the brunette half of the '90s comedy duo "The Mommies" and author of A Ten Step Guide to Fearless Aging.

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35 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous October 11, 2010, 11:00 PM

Oh my God it’s refreshing to see other people who feel like I do! I have a 14-yo son who I love very much, but sometimes I want to say I hate him. Do I really? Sometimes! His dad and I have brought him up with our values and views but also encouraged him to think for himself. I think our mistake was treating him too much like a little adult when he was little, because since he was 11 he’s been going steadily downhill — smoking, lying, stealing, getting suspended/expelled, and on and on! He’s now failing every class but one, which is a D. He knows EVERYTHING and his father and I are just stupid. I say “I love you” and he says “that’s just a way to manipulate me.” What do I do with that?? I don’t trust him, and it makes me cry to remember the sweet boy he used to be. I do blame myself, because when kids are good, don’t we say “you must have done something RIGHT”? Our 12-yo daughter is sweet, respectful and doing okay in school. I don’t get it!! I too want my teen to move out so he can find out for himself how frickin easy he’s had it here!

Jennifer Buford November 6, 2010, 9:27 PM

omg!! i am not alone!!!! lordy lordy ! i hate my 16 year old daughter!!! she is soooo disrespectful and nasty! she yells at me calls me a liar, things i would never do to my parents- i cannot spank her- i ground her for her mouth, its works for a while- she does not have a cell phone or her own computer- she only has use of a car when i say yes- which is not often- i feel like i am my wits end- mainly because of her gross lack of gratitude for anything- even the food in her mouth- i have raised a devil diva….i dont know how to fix this and im not sure where it went wrong…

DesperateMom November 23, 2010, 5:06 AM

I have a14yo boy. Was a really good child until 8th grade. Met a girl, had sex, she told him she was pregnant ( but thank God, wasnt) threatented suicide, psychiatric hospital 10 days, then an IOP, endless meds, weekly therapy sessions, police at my home 3 times, was a straight A student, now C’s and F’s, curses, tells us to shut up, caught with Dip, hickeys, caught with a girl in a dressing room at the mall, stole from school,. And I have to tell you, the more I type, the more I cannot stand the sight of him. We have tried everything, taken things away, tried rewards, grounding, nothing works. He is an angry teenager who’s sole purpose in life is to “make you unhappy”.
I have a good 20 year marriage, two other lovely, respectful children, and this is what gets me through the day.
Don’t tell me to love him becasue he is healthy. Tell me how I could love him at all? This has been the absolute worst year of my life, and I just want it stop. I live for the day when he turns 18, and I turn my back on him.

Ateens mom January 12, 2011, 11:13 AM

OMG I just found this site and am glad to see it is not just me. Our 15 yo daughter is just horrible. Its all me, me, me. Just the rude behavior and disrepect gets to me. My husband just leaves all the discipline to me!I can’t wait til she is gone. I told her 18 and your out! I can’t wait to get my house back and not go through everyday of stress wondering what attitude she will bring home. She has never been physical b/c she knows I will take her out. She wouldn’t even try. If I hear one more time “whatever” I will lose what is left of my mind! This is on top of the fact she has type 1 diabetes so she has to do 4-8 insulin shots a day, so that is another thing we get to argue about and deal with. I thought it would be different when I had kids, but that dream was quickly deflated!

parenting sucks January 31, 2011, 10:46 PM

You girls are not alone. I have 3 sons living at home and i have one that i hate.. I can’t even stand to look at him. He does nothing but lie, smoke pot, and skip school. Oh and he has constant company i have to throw out on a nightly bases. He is worthless and if blames it on the divorce that happened 6 years ago i am going to pop him in the mouth. I am so glad i found this site. There is no real help for teenage bastards out there. Boot camps and homes cost a fortune and they wont take them until they are in trouble with the law. Good luck girls and don’t feel guilty. Parenting sux and i can’t wait until he is old enough to kick out!

Medicated February 5, 2011, 6:12 PM

Thank you for all of your comments, thoughts, and stories about what you are going through. I have been through a really tough time with my older daughter, aged 22, because of a trauma she suffered when she was 12. She was treated for depression and other things. She still lives with me and doesn’t seem to make much progress towards moving out on her own…and why should she? Long story short, all of the stress of the last ten years, my menopause, and her insolence has caused me to become medicated in order to function. I feel manipulated, used, and taken advantage of. She is very good at turning it around on me. And when I try to talk to her, I get totally lost in the conversation. She is that good. I have a younger daughter that will graduate this year, and she is holding on for dear life. There are moms out there that are killing their teens now because they can’t take it anymore. are things really that desperate?!

Whitey Joe Young February 16, 2011, 10:10 AM

I feel for all of you who hate your teenagers. And yes, I agree with Renee. When I was a kid, I would get a really good licking if I EVER disrespected my parents the way my son disrespects me. It just isn’t possible to inflict the kind of punishment that will make them fearful of you — in the good, respectful way, not in the abusive way — because pretty soon you’re talking to CPS and they’re sucking thousands of $$ per month out of you to take care of your kid for you. In the meantime the little S—Ts feel fully entitled to everything, and asking them to lift a finger to do anything is asking for a huge fight.

I hate my 15 year old. If I had to do it over, I would NEVER have chosen kids. F—- You to anyone who would dare criticize us for feeling this way. You have no idea. And it’s not our fault. I’ve been told that over and over again by the therapists I’ve spent thousands on to no avail.

Annette  February 16, 2011, 7:00 PM

Hate is a strong word however…aren’t we all just venting here? We are women. If we don’t have some outlet, then we suffer. I love my kids but I am exhausted. Just took my teen’s cell yesterday. She is allowed one hour a day in the evening only after ALL chores and homework is done. She is whining, angry, this isn’t my fault, etc. blah blah blah. But, I am tired of yelling. I am tired of feeling like a mom who doesn’t have it together. My kids may grow up not perfect but I am not trying to turn them into little “ME’s” …just better versions of themselves. This teen hormonal junk has took more of a toll on myself than I thought it would.HAHA! Oh well, it is what it is….

Anonymous March 22, 2011, 9:04 AM

I am so glad I found this. As a Buddhist, I do believe that my child is a reflection of me because I believe that everything around me is. Buddhism teaches that, essentially, everything and everyone is one entity.

However,I am glad to find other parents who express the hate or whatever you want to call it that I feel for my 15 year old daughter right now.

She is an intelligent person but has no problem lying to me or hitting and biting me if I tell her “No.”

I realize that she learned aggression from me and her father because we have used corporal punishment.

But we have 2 other children and did the same with them. They have never hit or bitten me. She’s done it more times than I can count. Each time it was because I told her “No.”

This last time was the last straw (for now). She just left for school and said “Bye Mom. I love you.” I just said “Bye.”

I can’t fake it. I’m not feeling love right now. She needs to know that actions have consequences and even Mom’s rope has an end.

I know I won’t stay mad at her. But I can’t pretend that I don’t feel the profound disappointment in her I feel right now.

Next week she goes on a 7-day school trip out of state. I want her home safe and sound afterwards. But I’m so glad she’ll be gone for 7 days. It will be like a vacation for me.

Lisa March 22, 2011, 9:27 AM

Wow!! I thought I was just an awful person and had somehow become a terrible mother after so many years of self-sacrifice and love to my twin boys. Now they are 13 and taking turns being threatened with boarding school or worse. The only reason I don’t do it is cuz I know they’d only get worse exposure there, but I swear I could kill them at times if there were a weapon around! Please don’t tell me it gets worse and lasts for so many years! I will NEVER make it!! Now I know why my mother HATED me for so long! I guess this is the evil payback curse she put on me - I remember her doing it!!

VillianMom March 22, 2011, 12:21 PM

I have a 15 year old son who, so far hasn’t done drugs, or smoked cigarettes, or drank (for the fear of God and his parents), but…..the attitude of this kid makes me want to flatten him. My husband and I have a nice home, work hard to pay all the bills, make sure he has clean clothes, a warm home, food to eat, and all we ask him to do is to do his best in school so that he can follow his dreams of becoming a cop, and he can’t even do that. His grades are in the toilet and he looks at me like I am the worst person ever….totally ruining his life, not letting him hang out until all hours of the night with his friend, not letting him date, etc., etc., etc. He says he wants to be a cop, but has no respect for rules, is sneaky, conniving, lies anytime it suits him…..I’ve told him that his dad and I will pay for college and all he has to do is get good grades and a part-time job in the summer to save up for books, and spending money, etc., and he is insulted that he has to do that. My parents never paid for my college, or books, or anything, and I put myself through college and grad school off the sweat of my own brow. Where do they get this sense of entitlement? We haven’t spoiled him…he doesn’t have a cell phone, or internet access at home. He doesn’t have an MP3 (got it taken away for bad grades and irresponsibility). He has a pc, but is not hooked up to the internet, and it’s used. He just thinks the world owes him everything….I don’t get it. He wants to fit in at school, so he ‘dumbs’ himself down, and we’ve talked so many times about how colleges aren’t going to want him with those low grades, and that his ‘friends’ of today will be gone when he is ready for college, and he just doesn’t believe anything we say. He’s a smart kid and capable of so much more. We are somehow the villians…all of the love, support, time, effort we’ve put into this kid, trying to help him fulfill HIS dreams (not ours), and WE’RE the villians. I can’t WAIT until this kid is 22 years old, graduated from college (God willing), has a job and is on his own. I hate my life right now, and I hate dealing with him. I dread going home and dealing with his mumbling, depressive, reprehensible state. If I knew then what I know now NO WAY would I have a kid again. When he’s graduated, employed and GONE, THEN my life will begin again. I hope I live to see it. 7 more years!!!!

GRACE March 22, 2011, 2:50 PM

Oh does this sound familiar. I have a 16 year old daughter who is never wrong, who never listens. She is rude, selfish, disrespectful etc etc I have a son same age and he is not at all like his sister ( thank god) This is so stressful, I don’t know what to do anymore. And sometimes I really don’t want to deal with it, not that I don’t care just feel exhausted and confused. It really does take alot out of you all the arguing, worrying the plain old negativity!!!

Michelle April 18, 2011, 10:29 AM

Hey parents… I’m 26 years old and although I’ve always maintained that I never wanted kids, recently I’ve heard the faint ticking of a very tiny biological clock lodged somewhere in the dark depths of my ovaries. But after reading all your comments, I have gained back the 0.00005% conviction that I had previously lost. Thank you all for being so honest.

Mandie April 18, 2011, 4:31 PM

OMG, really, I am not alone?? I thought I was the only that hated my kid. She is 14 and is the most hateful child I have ever met, she constantly stealing from me, lying, her grades are crap. I have taken everything from her, promised her everything if she will just do the right things. Like do her homework, stop taking things that don’t belong to her. I feel like a prisoner in my own home, I had to by a door knob with a lock for my bedroom and still manages to get in there and still things. I want her OUT of my home. I cant down the days till I can kick her out and she isn’t my problem anymore. I have too more children and I hate what her being here, does to them. She has been like this for most of her life, but my husband is away for the 2yrs due to work reasons, I cant deal with her own my own anymore.

Kim T. April 22, 2011, 6:25 PM

I am a single mother aged 52 with 21 and 17 year olds. My 21 YO is responsible, in college living with his friends, has 2 jobs and is self-sufficient. He invites me every Thursday to make dinner with him and his GF and to hang out. I see him on weekends too when he works. He calls me 3+ times per week to chat and always says “I love you Mom”.

My 17 year old is a texting, unmotivated, grunting loner that I have repeatedly tried to help, encourage and engage in life. He stays with his father because the man lets him get away with everything and anything without consequences. No discipline, no guidance, no boundaries. I had enough of hearing how abysmal I am as a parent so I packed his clothes and sent him to his father’s for the foreseeable future. I cannot stand my son and I wish his spineless father and he would move to New Zealand. The Navy is my only recourse with this kid. If I knew 18 years ago what I know now I would have definitely stopped at one as originally intended.

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