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Like a Punch in the Face

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Guest blogger mom-on-the-edge hears the words she dreads.


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"I'd like to start." Pause. Pause. "I love you dearly." Pause. "But I can't do this anymore. I want a separation."

Our therapist just about fell out of his cushy, white leather chair. After all, it was only our fourth couples counseling session with him, and already my husband wanted out.

"How do you feel? He wants a separation. What are you thinking right now?"

"I came here to work on our relationship. I didn't come here to quit. We have an 11-month-old son..."

"I can't do this anymore! We're gonna kill each other!"

"When do you feel things starting going downhill?"

"When we became a couple. We've always had problems making decisions. We don't agree on anything..."

"When you became a couple? How long have you been together?"

"Seven years."

"So, you just liked it when you were dating. You'd go out, have fun, then go your separate ways. You liked it when it was just willy-nilly..."

Mr. B actually used the words willy-nilly.

"Yes."

"What do you think about that?"

Pause. Pause. I had nothing to say. It seemed too absurd. HE proposed to ME. I didn't make him. Can a girl even do that? Make a man propose? WE decided to have children. I was happy to have one healthy baby. He was the one who talked about having two kids.

"You must feel overwhelmed."

I started to cry. "I've been trying my best to make things better. I..."

"You blew it! You have issues with anger. You need to get help..."

Mr. B. looked me straight in the eye. "You have to let go."

Suddenly, my heart felt like a 15-pound bowling ball beating in my chest. My ears started ringing, and although I remained somewhat calm on the outside, there was an all-out battle raging within my veins. Every ounce of my being felt defeated.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I always wondered what would be worse, the sound of silence with someone sitting in the room or the sound of silence when I was alone."

Now, I was going to find out.


next: 4 Dishes, 4 Ingredients
10 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous July 14, 2008, 11:26 AM

You deserve more than that. The silence of being alone is much better… no one there to treat you disrespectfully. Take care of yourself… you seem like a good person.

Collette July 14, 2008, 12:12 PM

I’m so sorry! :(
Best wishes to you and your son…you deserve someone who wants to make your relationship work.

SugarPlumFairy July 14, 2008, 12:27 PM

This story really moved me. Thank you for being so open.

Anonymous July 14, 2008, 5:07 PM

I feel for you. My marriage is struggling as well. How can they just decided they don’t want to be with us anymore? I just don’t understand.

Charles July 14, 2008, 5:22 PM

The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for 7 years is being in a bad relationship for 7 years and 1 day. Accept the loss, the changes, and get the best revenge: live well.

Anonymous July 14, 2008, 7:31 PM

i feel for you , its so easy for me or others to say move on, but yet i know its so hard to move on, be strong.

Anonymous July 16, 2008, 11:41 AM

I totally understand but once in a bad relationship nothing ever get better, now the tables have turn and it’s I that don’t want the relationship. It’s hard but living well and taking care of your kids is all you can do. Trust me your losing not losing anything. if anything your gaining back your freedom, to live happily. Best of Luck

Anonymous August 6, 2008, 3:01 PM

however difficult it may seem
the younger the child the less damage done
i wish i had the strength to leave sooner
because now there are so many beautiful memories of family vacations and also family hell , fights, violence
that make coping harder
it takes courage to count your losses and leave
there is no reason to stay if you feel lonely with someone
it is better to feel lonely alone
definitely
but it is not easy
who said life was supposed to be easy?
too many films
too many lies
in reality a lot of people bite the bullet and the kids pay the price

paloma  August 21, 2008, 2:12 PM

I have been there and trust me I was devastated but you know what it made me stronger and know he wishes he never would have left because he may have me back but I will never be the same girl he left. I dont care know if he leave well good luck to him and have a great life. I will never show my true feeling to him again cause that will be a waste of time. Besides there are plenty of men out there and they are not all jerks trust me I know.

Meg November 25, 2009, 2:43 PM

My friend walked out after 1 M session and quit the marriage. Left H and her 2 toddlers. H Devastated. Found out later she was on several script medications and they screwed her up big time. She still won’t face what happened and has moved on with a few men in only a short time. Latest bf is the one! Is slightly paranoid and assumes things that just aren’t true. A real mess.


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