Mom's Playground Smackdown

Mom's Playground Smackdown

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

filed under: family

Guest blogger Patty writes: An open letter to Suzie's mom...

Dear Suzie's Mom,

I don't know if you remember me. We met at the playground. I was the mother in the jeans, T-shirt and sneakers trying to keep up with my kids while they ran in separate directions, each taking on the jungle gym with a vengeance. You stood a few feet away from me, looking perfectly put together while sipping on your tall skinny latte with your equally tall and skinny jeans and designer boots.

You were watching your angelic, well groomed Suzie in her toddler Uggs--along with her nanny--play quietly in the sand, while your sweet tiny newborn slept in a papoose slung around your "Did she really just have a baby?" body. You glanced at me, gave me a once over and dismissed my existence with barely a nod.

I went home from the playground that day wondering why I didn't have it all together like you do. How you were able to stand there with your recently manicured nails and glowing skin, watching your perfectly behaved children while I felt like the walking dead. I'm OK with the fact that you may have a few more dollars coming in than I do. I even don't mind that I will never get to pamper myself with weekly trips to the spa and indulge in services that start with the word relaxation. What does get to me is your sense of superiority over me. Where did you ever get the idea that you could possibly be better than the rest of us?

Let me clue you in to something, Mrs. Suzie's Mom. I held a high-powered executive job at a prestigious firm downtown. I had martini lunches and meetings over cocktails. When the day was over, I shared tapas with girlfriends and many a romantic night with gorgeous and successful men. In fact, I was known to take off for Mexico with only an overnight bag and a hot guy. I had a nice little time for myself back then. If we had met a few years back, you and I may have even been friends. We could've dished over cosmos and spent countless hours chatting over a bottle of wine. But we didn't meet back then. We met now. Here. At the playground.

After marrying the man of my dreams, I decided to make some changes in my life when we started a family. I wanted to be home for my children, and my job was not going to allow that to happen. My choices were not popular with everyone, but they were right for me. I made sacrifices. Do I look back at my old life at times? Hell yeah, and I feel lucky to have had those carefree days. But the time I spend now with my children is priceless to me. I want to soak in every moment of every day. I want to be there for every first-- the first step, the first day of school, the first heartbreak. There are days where I am so exhausted and don't know how I can do it for another minute. But as soon as I look at my children, I remember why I've made the choices I did.

I am not judging you, Suzie's Mom. You, too, have made choices in your life. I'm sure you've also made sacrifices. I just want you to know there is more to me than what you see. You and I... we're going to be meeting each other many more times through the years. Our children may be in the same class, attend the same parties. You may even need to turn to me in an emergency and I to you. I know you must have days like I do--one moment you feel like a champ, like mother of the year. And the very next day, you sit alone worrying how you could possibly be responsible for the safety and well being of these tiny human beings. I am scared too. I have doubts. I have many, many doubts.

Suzie's Mom, we're not so different. We're just women trying to do the best we can with what we're given. I'm sure we could learn a lot from each other. Although we'll probably never be the best of friends, we could learn to appreciate and respect each other. Who knows, we may even like each other. So, the next time you see me at the playground, let's not pretend we don't see one another. As mothers and as women, we're in this together.

filed under: family

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There seemed to be be a lot of Suzie mums when my daughter was tiny. It was lonely at the playground even with 5 other mums there. No one wanted to talk to the tattooed, pierced, hairy legged, mother. I bet they were thinking I just got knocked up and was stuck. I giggled to myself while they glared at me at the open indoor play groups at the Boys & Girls Club. I planned my pregnancy with my spouse to the minute! We had a house, a cat and a car just like they did. I just found moms with more tattoos than me to play with. I do not want my child to be scared by tots on entitlement trips.

- Anonymous

Posted 07/08/08 03:35 PM

I have many days where I feel like the mom outsider, I used to be skinny, I used to have it all together. Then the real world stepped in. But somedays I am the mom who has it all together.

- dawntrenee

Posted 07/08/08 05:15 PM

I too have chuckled to myself. I recently had my toddler in a tots gymnastics program and often found myself either envious of the ‘all put together’ moms or chuckling under my breath. My husband and I are both graduates of university and both carry a degree under our belt, have high paying careers and hold our own in the bank accounts. We own name brand items but I don’t feel the need to try to show all my labels at a tots class. I would come in jeans, t-shirts and flip flops, while other moms looked as if they had freshly came from the spa and the hair dresser. I found those moms would try to encourage their children to play with the other ‘put together moms child’, what kind of morals are they teaching their children? Kids are smart, they can see what’s going on, and like Suzies mom, who do they think they are casting judgment without knowing who that mom really is? I’m comfortable in jeans and I’m comfortable with saying that my child is friendly and well mannered and chooses her friends by who’s being friendly back, not the way the child is dressed or by who has the better dressed mom. Maybe some days I don’t have it togehter enough to find the time for makeup or throw a whole outfit together, but at the park, groups, classes, school or wherever, who the heck are you trying to impress ladies? Show your kids how to relax, be kind to others and avoid casting judements to the moms in jeans!

- Anonymous

Posted 07/09/08 04:02 AM

My son spent some time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit after he was born, and recently they had a reunion for all the babies through the years, and yet I felt like some of the other mothers felt they were supior. I felt like telling them we hae all been in the same boat at one time or another and that it should form a bound, but luckily, I found other moms who wanted to conect and share the experience of having had a baby in the NICU, even if it wasn’t at the same time.

- Miranda

Posted 07/11/08 06:51 PM

Wow. Yes. What is it with moms who have to get so put-together? Maybe it’s envy talking. Personally, if I have a choice between getting getting put-together or spending the extra time with my 2 yr old son, I choose time with The Boy. But then, that’s hardly my choice! (“Mum! C’mere! Come! Come!”) It’s easier (and probably lazier) to give in and not demand more time for myself. But I have to ask: what about the Nanny? I want one!

- WackyMummy

Posted 07/19/08 08:32 AM

I see both sides of this. Somedays I am the pulled together mom and somedays I am the mom that didnt have time for a shower! From my experience, moms judge each other so harshly and the pulled together moms try realllllly hard to look like they are pulled together to impress other moms.

- rulsgrl

Posted 08/14/08 10:29 AM