10 Reasons I Hate You

Friday, July 11, 2008

filed under: andrea

Author of the post "10 Reasons I Hate My Kids," responds to all you perfect moms out there.

Momlogic's Andrea: Recently, I wrote a post called "10 Reasons I Hate my Kids." It received a flood of comments. Apparently, many of our readers were furious at me for not Loving. Every. Single. Minute. Of. Motherhood. These super human moms, impervious to even the slightest feeling of "buyer's remorse" when it comes to their little angels, felt perfectly justified criticizing my parenting complaints:

"I feel sorry for the children of any mother who would ever claim to hate them."
"Not wanting to have sex anymore is NOT your child's problem. That is a problem with you and your marriage."
"And for not having a flat belly, well that's just your fault for sitting on your behind and not doing anything about it."
"I totally do NOT agree with this woman. I love my kids and everything about them. I love Chuck E. Cheese!!!"

And many, many more. So for you perfect mamas, I have compiled my list of 10 Things I Hate About You. Yes, you.

1) You never show up at the park without your colorful compartmentalized snack trays loaded up with finger foods from each of the five food groups. Watching you doling them out to your kids, I wonder if you think you're hosting a cocktail party for midgets.

2) Your car is covered in bumper stickers announcing each and every achievement of your gifted child. Why stop there? Affix a sticker to tell the world your kid's potty trained: Proud parent of a kid who can wipe his own ass!

3) Your diaper bag matches your outfit, which matches your manicured nails, which matches your burp cloths. And when your baby does spit up (I'm sure it rarely happens, oh, perfect one) I half expect it to be in the same color scheme as your Bugaboo.

4) Because, hyper-organized freak that you are, you put your kids on the waiting list for preschool before you even conceived. Now, I'm unable to find an opening within a 150-mile radius of my home and must commute to a different time zone to find a decent school.

5) Waiting in line at Target, you feel it necessary to bestow me with your unsolicited childrearing advice. Hey, if you're so knowledgeable about parenting, write a book. I won't buy it, but when it's for sale on Amazon I'll be sure to give you a much-deserved one star review.

6) Must you really blather on that your children have never even seen a television, let alone watch one? What do you do with your kids at night--flip through a picture book version of War and Peace?

7) Every year, must you inflict us all with your annual holiday "brag letter?" This year, cut to the chase and give it a new title: "Why I Think My Family is Better Than Yours."

8) I don't know how you got your pre-baby body back, but I'm thinking it involved a knife and a hefty credit card bill. How much is vaginal rejuvenation these days anyway?

9) Because regular sleepaway camp isn't good enough for your kid. You've got to send them to Tennis Camp, Astronaut Camp or Throw Your Money Away Camp.

10) Finally, if you've ever said anything resembling this statement "Since I've had kids, I love having sex more than ever," then come on over to my house and have sex with my husband. I'm beat.
See Also:
- 10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

filed under: andrea

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75 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Someone’s bitter. Jealousy isn’t gonna make you look better than the moms who actually care, hun.

- GM

Posted 08/17/08 12:34 AM

I LOVED IT! YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!

- ANONAMOUS

Posted 08/26/08 03:29 PM

ROFL! I especially love #10! I try not to brag too much in the letters, just hitting the high notes, which of course is pretty much bragging, so I just say that, “brag letter, or bragging about my kids” I’m not that supermommy, I do try to be that super real mommy though, and teach my kids the real important things in life. My opinion alert: most of the people I know that are like you’ve said (#1,3,4,9) have bratty, selfish kids and or it’s all about image and the priorities are messed up. MO remember, and we’re all allowed (BTW my kids are 18 college freshman, 16, 14, 11 and I may be fostering a 9, and 10 year old soon permanently). I’ve been there and done that to your lists…I think you just got off the wrong foot with a lot of people with the word hate especially combined with the children instead of parenting. My line, and yes, I’ve told my children this before (they understand that I AM just human): I always love you but right now I don’t like you. I’m betting they have felt the same way about me too, don’t you?

- Sharon

Posted 09/17/08 11:26 AM

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Posted 09/26/08 11:44 AM

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Posted 10/10/08 05:02 PM

People are mean.

- tracey

Posted 11/09/08 10:44 AM

this is golden good on you girl!! totally agree with everything you have written pissed myself laughing the entire time too

- Anonymous

Posted 01/02/09 10:55 PM

Kudos to you, your articles have just made my day! I have a 3 1/2, 5 and an 11 year old and somedays i feel like my head is going to explode(and even if it did you wouldn’t notice because of the two tornados that rampage my house every 15 min.!)It’s comforting to know that there are normal people with children out there. I love my kids but somedays…… :)

- Olivia

Posted 01/09/09 05:35 PM

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Posted 01/10/09 01:43 AM

This was very funny! Don’t feel bad about the super moms, most of them do what they do to compete with each other. I am sure they drink themselves to sleep every night.

- Rache

Posted 01/13/09 02:22 PM

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- ingo

Posted 01/17/09 07:47 AM

Haha, these superior mums are killing me. Of course babies are awesome and you love them, but you just cannot love every-single-little-thing about them, just like you can’t love every-single-little-thing about ANYONE. I find the mums that try to be superty-duper are the ones that pretty much fail the worst. Later in life, they the ones that place harsh and unfair standards on their children. They’re the ones that think they have the right to criticize anyone for anything they do. To be honest, I’m tired of it. Bravo for the post. Made me laugh. :)

- Lynn

Posted 01/18/09 03:47 PM

AS A CLSW I FOUND IT SURPRISING TO SEE SO MUCH HOSTILITY AND ANGER COMING FROM CERTAIN PEOPLE CLAIMING TO HAVE SO MUCH LOVE AND PATIENCE. HOW CAN ONESIDE CLAIM TO BE RIGHTEOUS OVER ANOTHER WHEN BOTH SIDES ARE SCREAMING ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY “HATE” WHATEVER THE OBJECT OF THEIR ARGUMENT IS..? SOME OF THE ARGUMENTS BECAME DISGUSTING AND SMACKED OF HYPOCROSY. IT DID SEEM AS IF SEVERAL COMMENTATORS THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER THAN ANYONE WHO DISAGREED WITH THEIR OPINION. ACTUALLY, IT SEEMED AS IF IT WAS AN ARGUMENT BETWEEN A FEW MOMS WHO KNEW EACH OTHER PERSONALLY FROM “THE PLAYGROUND” AND WHO WERE TRYING TO”GET AT EACH OTHER” OR “PICK A FIGHT”, IN AN ANNONOMOUS BUT PUBLIC WAY BY BLOGGING ABOUT SOME PERCEIVED RUDE OR INAPPROPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR THAT TOOK PLACE AT SOME TIME. WHICH EVER SIDE OF THE “FENCE” YOU STAND ON, I DON’T THINK ITS GOOD “PARENT-LIKE” BEHAVIOR TO TEACH OUR KIDS TO WRITE SUCH VILE, FILTHY, MEAN, RUDE, OFFENSIVE COMMENTS IN CYBERSPACE ABOUT SOMEONE EITHER…AS FOR THE “HATE”,… SOUNDS LIKE BOTH SIDES NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY…

- RUKIDDINGME?

Posted 01/24/09 11:23 PM

You need help. The other post “the kids are probably happy to see you bc your husband has been too busy looking at porn..” Sounds like that’s what your husband does, seeing your sex life is pretty nonexistant and you’re a miserable person. If you’re miserable enough to b!tch online, you’re miserable enough to show it in person. No mother or father is perfect, we all have our bad days, and make mistakes, if you see women wearing all matching stuff like diaper bags burp cloths whatever, then I want her number, she can teach me a thing or two! My children don’t eat all 5 food groups with every meal, they should, but they don’t. So again, give me that mothers number! As well as people putting their kids in preschool before they’re born, those people, are the ones who want their children to have the advantage in education. Let them do what they want and be quiet woman! I’m sure you could careless, “let them start school when they’re suppost to, when its free.” Now a days that’s what we all do, but lets face it, if we all had the money, we would send our kids to school early too. You keep mentioning about you not having a flat stomach and it being impossible to get it back, I don’t even want to get into that one but I do want to say, you don’t have to be back to your prebaby bod, but you should love the skin you’re in. I was a size 5 before my kids, and 8 after my 1st a 6 before my 2nd and a 14 after and a 12 now, I am bigger than I was before and I am covered in stretch marks, do I dwell on my weight or my stretch marks? No, used to, not anymore. These stretch marks remind me of having children, they’re not pretty in anyway, but who cares? As for my weight, I feel better and look better the size I am in. For one thing I don’t look sick anymore (a size 5 did not look good on me, size 8 is perfect!) plus now I have breast and a bum, and arms, and I am sexy! My husband loves it, I love it, I’m happy. So love the skin you’re in or if you can’t, do something about it. As far

- Anonymous

Posted 02/04/09 01:20 PM

thats pretty much my list of why I dont belong to a mommy meet up club

- fidget

Posted 02/09/09 10:09 AM

A blow for all us imperfect moms everywhere. To the perfect moms who besieged you with hate mail: If you don’t have a sense of humor, you aren’t perfect after all, are you?

- The Mother

Posted 02/09/09 10:12 AM

Funny and true.

- Savannah

Posted 03/06/09 07:59 PM

The mom who proudly told me her kid had never seen TV or a DVD. When I mentioned that my guys loved lion king, she said they were thinking of letting their little darling watch it since “apparently it’s based on Hamlet”.

- Anonymous

Posted 03/17/09 01:57 AM

Hating kids doesn’t mean you HATE your children, it means you hate children in general! i.e. kids are annoying. Mine is. Anyways, I’m GLAD you wrote this, because after my daughter’s tantrum at the dinner table today cause she wants junk instead of healthy food(I MISS eating in peace!), I blew up, and later looked up “I hate my kid” online to see if anyone could relate. (I love my daughter to death; but I hate kids in general!!! Oh well!) I calmed down a LOT just from reading this and realizing I’m Not Alone. Screw the bus-stop moms for being so offended by this; nobody’s saying they “don’t like you”, you freaks! They are simply defending not forgetting their existances once their children were born. Get off yourself!

- Julie

Posted 03/17/09 11:14 PM

hahahah wow, don’t you have better things to do, like maybe oh idk TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID shut up and stop complaining. A lot of other women can handle motherhood, if you can’t perhaps you should have worn a glove. And I’m sorry if there’s mothers out there that are better than you. tough luck, complain to your husband.

- Anonymous

Posted 03/20/09 07:18 PM