10 Reasons I Hate You

Friday, July 11, 2008

filed under: andrea

Author of the post "10 Reasons I Hate My Kids," responds to all you perfect moms out there.

Momlogic's Andrea: Recently, I wrote a post called "10 Reasons I Hate my Kids." It received a flood of comments. Apparently, many of our readers were furious at me for not Loving. Every. Single. Minute. Of. Motherhood. These super human moms, impervious to even the slightest feeling of "buyer's remorse" when it comes to their little angels, felt perfectly justified criticizing my parenting complaints:

"I feel sorry for the children of any mother who would ever claim to hate them."
"Not wanting to have sex anymore is NOT your child's problem. That is a problem with you and your marriage."
"And for not having a flat belly, well that's just your fault for sitting on your behind and not doing anything about it."
"I totally do NOT agree with this woman. I love my kids and everything about them. I love Chuck E. Cheese!!!"

And many, many more. So for you perfect mamas, I have compiled my list of 10 Things I Hate About You. Yes, you.

1) You never show up at the park without your colorful compartmentalized snack trays loaded up with finger foods from each of the five food groups. Watching you doling them out to your kids, I wonder if you think you're hosting a cocktail party for midgets.

2) Your car is covered in bumper stickers announcing each and every achievement of your gifted child. Why stop there? Affix a sticker to tell the world your kid's potty trained: Proud parent of a kid who can wipe his own ass!

3) Your diaper bag matches your outfit, which matches your manicured nails, which matches your burp cloths. And when your baby does spit up (I'm sure it rarely happens, oh, perfect one) I half expect it to be in the same color scheme as your Bugaboo.

4) Because, hyper-organized freak that you are, you put your kids on the waiting list for preschool before you even conceived. Now, I'm unable to find an opening within a 150-mile radius of my home and must commute to a different time zone to find a decent school.

5) Waiting in line at Target, you feel it necessary to bestow me with your unsolicited childrearing advice. Hey, if you're so knowledgeable about parenting, write a book. I won't buy it, but when it's for sale on Amazon I'll be sure to give you a much-deserved one star review.

6) Must you really blather on that your children have never even seen a television, let alone watch one? What do you do with your kids at night--flip through a picture book version of War and Peace?

7) Every year, must you inflict us all with your annual holiday "brag letter?" This year, cut to the chase and give it a new title: "Why I Think My Family is Better Than Yours."

8) I don't know how you got your pre-baby body back, but I'm thinking it involved a knife and a hefty credit card bill. How much is vaginal rejuvenation these days anyway?

9) Because regular sleepaway camp isn't good enough for your kid. You've got to send them to Tennis Camp, Astronaut Camp or Throw Your Money Away Camp.

10) Finally, if you've ever said anything resembling this statement "Since I've had kids, I love having sex more than ever," then come on over to my house and have sex with my husband. I'm beat.
See Also:
- 10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

filed under: andrea

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I STILL think she’s funny. I’ve had many Mommies with snacks for their kids share them with my daughter when she came up(here in Korea, you don’t get sued for saying hello to someone else’s child). Mainly because she’s polite and OH SO DARN CUTE! It’s a community thing here. Not everything on the list I have a problem with mainly the bumper stickers (really, if you have more than one per child, it’s tacky) and overscheduling things for your kids.

- Ju

Posted 03/24/09 08:58 PM

Number 3 constantly annoys me. That’s all I have to say. Feel the hate though.

- banana-rama-llama

Posted 04/28/09 05:23 PM

Sounds a little Passive Agressive, BPD with a little Narcissim thrown in “Hateful Mommy, Erin”! Bet you scapegoat your mom, and friends, for your issues….you are never to blame….they are! Your kids will suffer in the end. You need help!

- Mary

Posted 05/13/09 09:05 AM

Completely agree!! Especially #6 and 7…You are awesome and you ARE my hero!!!

- marge

Posted 05/23/09 12:47 AM

Oh thank my effing god for this. I am SO SICK of the super moms in my neighborhood. They are so FAKE that I could SCREAM. How shallow is your life if you have the time to be such a “super” mom. If I had the money for a nanny, housekeeper, personal assistant and plastic surgery, I could be a Stepford wife too.

- Beth in SF

Posted 05/24/09 04:41 PM

You are amazing and just witty. I love reading your articles. Every mom needs to have a sense of humor with kids and everything. Any mom who claims that they don’t agree with anything on your lists are liars.

- Melissa

Posted 06/05/09 03:04 AM

It’s not your kid’s fault for anything. Now I am speaking to everyone when I say, If your kid is bad, YOU MADE THEM THAT WAY! They learned it from somewhere. If your kid’s are annoying, TEACH THEM NOT TO BE!! It’s simple. May take time, but then you won’t hate you kid. Now I agree with both sides. No one should spoil their child rotten, but you shouldn’t treat then like dirt either.

- Me

Posted 06/22/09 08:22 PM

i hate all of you.

- jimmy

Posted 07/04/09 01:41 AM

I notice that all the contrary opinions are ‘Anonymous’…..seems these super-moms are too afraid of the truth to post their own names—-even fake ones! Being so fake themselves I don’t see what the problem is…..

- Daniel

Posted 08/01/09 07:45 AM

do you have a sister? can i marry her?

- justin

Posted 08/12/09 01:57 AM

It’s too bad you’re married, because I’d marry you!

- Mike

Posted 08/22/09 04:22 AM

Oh, I think you’re just amazing. (: Boo on all these picture-perfect soccer moms who think they’re so infallible. Keep writing, keep griping… that way, women who don’t aspire to be on the freaking Brady Bunch remake will know they’re not alone.

- Anonymous

Posted 08/27/09 12:56 AM

haha i hate the both classes of moms. anonymous i agree with you about them letting their brats do whatever they want cuz they are “tired”. as for having sex with your husband, point me out in his direction, ive got a libido the size of russia!!

- mom of one GENIUS boy

Posted 08/27/09 10:44 PM

- Tiffany

Posted 09/08/09 07:26 PM

i was a child who commented on the last one. i was kind of pissed at the last article, but this was AWESOME. seriously, i hate those awful soccer moms who are SOOOOOOOOO proud of their kid and who think their kid is SOOOOOOO awesum. well theyre NOT!!!! and believe it or not, thats the exact kind of kid us “little people” hate at school. rock on erin!

- mad/angry child (not anymore)

Posted 11/09/09 07:29 PM

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