Guest blogger Dani Klein: I love my husband. He's all the best things a man can be. Thoughtful, considerate, a good listener, a great dad, and he even has a nice ass. So how come when we went away last weekend with a bunch of other families it crossed my mind that I would have to leave him?

I returned from a swim and there he was, loading our stuff in to the car in white sweat socks and sandals. In broad daylight. Our fellow camping families no more than 20 feet away.

This is the image that brought divorce to mind. Not only because it truncated his legs and made him look like a cartoon with whited-out feet, but really, what choice did I have but to leave someone who would willingly dress in such an aesthetically offensive way?

It's one thing to pull the white sock/sandal combo in our back yard where it makes the idea of sex with him as appealing as sex with Al Bundy, but we were with other people!

"How was your swim?" he asked.
"Fine." I said.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Nothing a clothing chart can't fix. In the interest of preserving our marriage, I will design a series of appropriate, attractive outfits and put them in a pie chart with a moveable arrow at the center. At night, I will just set it to what I would like him to look like the next day.

What a brilliant idea if I only I were Barbie and married to Ken.