Sexism Is Worse Than Racism

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Sexism Is Worse Than Racism

Monday, July 28, 2008

What Katie Couric said about sexism -- and how one mom feels it every time she mentions her daughter's name.

The United States' first female anchor woman, Katie Couric, told Israeli paper Haaretz, "I find myself in the last bastion of male dominance and realizing what Hillary Clinton might have realized not long ago: that sexism in the American society is more common than racism -- and certainly more acceptable or forgivable."

When we brought this up in the momlogic offices, moms were yelling out examples of the sexism they feel every day. Here is one of those stories...

"Before I would say, "yes" to getting engaged, I made my husband agree that when we got married I'd keep my name. Furthermore, he had to agree to hyphenate our kids' names. After some debate, he understood my argument, agreed to the condition and we eventually got married.

When we had our daughter we went ahead as planned and both of us proudly placed our daughter's hyphenated name on her birth certificate.

I have since learned that this really offends people -- and they aren't afraid to tell me. I've been accused of being cruel to my daughter. I've been warned that I'm setting her up for a lifetime of mockery and that she'll take twice as long as her peers to learn how to write her name. I've been told that I'm ruining a very important tradition and that I'm emasculating my husband. I have another word for all of these reactions: sexism.

I always wondered why women just automatically give up their names. Why is the man's name more important? Isn't a marriage supposed to be an equal partnership? And if you want to get technical, I'm the breadwinner in my relationship. And when it comes to kids, I'm the one carrying the baby! Even the most feminist women I know don't give a second thought to giving their children the father's name. I'm not sure why this is such a blindly accepted practice. How come people think it's OK to tell me that making steps toward my daughter's equality is cruel?

People often pat themselves on the back when they come up with this one: "What's she going to do if she marries a guy with a hyphenated name? Have four last names?" Honestly, I have no idea what she'll do. I hope that by the time she is an adult, (she's 11 months old) women will have noticed this type of bullying. As a mom, I hope she'll feel comfortable and strong enough to choose whatever name she'd like.

For more mom diaries, click here.

7 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

I think the last line of this article is the key. Everyone has the right to pick or keep whatever name they want. If going ahead with the husband’s surname works, fine. But those who do shouldn’t be berated for being sexist, just like you shouldn’t be berated for giving your daughter both of your names. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns and doing what you think best, but my kids have their father’s name, and I think that is just fine.

- Amy

Posted 07/28/08 11:53 AM

The point is that many women just automatically give their husband’s name to their children with no thought that any other option even exists. That is the proof that our world is still sexist.

- jordan

Posted 07/28/08 05:52 PM

I agree with the first commenter’s choice of having both names. But it should be an individual choice and always based on true partnership. I recently viewed a disturbing youtube (megahit) video “Obama gives Hillary the F!nger” and had to ask a “teenage pundit” to udnerstand what a “flip-off” is! It seems Obama did this while smirking on stage and it was quite amusing to my teenage pundit—-but not to ME! I found it camouflaged sexism by someone from whom I expected much more! He had said “her claws are coming out” and “periodically, she feels down and starts launching attacks”…I didn’t think much until I saw the video. And now I can say that sexism can be found in a lot of men we would not expect to see it in. From 71-year-old McCain i more or less expect it, but from a young, ‘cool’ presidential candidate…well, I was shocked! God help our daughters…

- mary

Posted 07/28/08 07:44 PM

Mary, as far as the politics goes, if Obama gave the finger to or accused a male candidate of taking his claws out, would it still be sexism. It seems to me that if the competition is between two men, and these comments are made, it’s fair game. But if a woman wants in, and the competition is played the same way, it’s sexism. It’s part of the game. We’re electing a President of the United States, there’s no room for chivalry or sugar-coating. I’m for Obama, myself, but respect Hillary for going out there and standing up to the “big boys”. She didn’t go out there as “the woman candidate”. He went out there as a candidate and that’s that.

- Anonymous

Posted 07/29/08 12:02 PM

I have to disagree with jordan, I am a woman and I know I have the option not to take the name of my husband. I would want to take his name anyway, because it symbolizes the fact that we are one, and it symbolizes the connection between us. Call me old fashioned but, I don’t think that people take marriage as seriously as they should in this day and age. Very soon divorces will be quicker and unions will be shorter (they already are). Not sharing the same last name is another step, my mom had to go through the work of changing her last name after the divorce and without complaint. Not sharing the last name, in my eyes, is seen as another convenience for a divorce.

- Anna

Posted 08/23/08 02:52 AM

Name..big deal. Very serious issue to worry about. If you’re wise enough to hyphenate your daughter’s name…please use your wisdom and tell us what she’s going to do when she marries someone with a hyphenated name and what their children’s name will be like. I guess by the 3rd generation…the kids will have 16 last names. Pick a serious issue about sexism to worry about.

- Evans

Posted 09/05/08 02:28 PM

I think thats pretty cruel to do to your husband and daughter. Why don’t you just flip a coin to see what last name the kid gets? Sexism is not that big of an issue. Women have a lot more freedom than we use to and taking a last name isn’t a big deal. Men and women aren’t equal, we’re are very different. Physically and mentally.

- Miss India

Posted 09/22/08 03:10 PM

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Sexism Is Worse Than Racism

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