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12 Baby Products for Dads?

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Guest blogger Paul Starke: When we had our son Luke four months ago, we also received a ton of very thoughtful presents from friends and family. Some gifts (receiving blankets) were more practical than others (five copies of Goodnight Moon). Anyway, instead of writing thank-you notes, I decided to jot down the "12 BABY PRODUCTS SOMEONE SHOULD INVENT," in this week's Daddy Dozen...

daddy_3_snooze.jpg

1. Lil' Litter Box - I don't see why giving a baby her own litter box is frowned upon. Our cat Lola seems to love it. Plus, it's environmentally friendly!

2. Daddy/Baby Foods - Why don't the baby food companies tap into the lucrative "lazy father" market by making flavors that babies AND dads can enjoy? "Creamed Prime Rib"... "Zesty Nacho Cheese"... mmmm...

3. Infant-spirational Posters - You know those annoying office posters that say things like "Teamwork" and show a bunch of eagles soaring majestically over the horizon? I think these can be reworked for babies. Imagine a stunning poster of a bear squatting in the woods with the word "Poop" in bold letters right under it...

4. Diaper Genie - Yes, I know they already make this soiled diaper storage unit, but what if it also granted you three wishes and had the voice of Robin Williams?

5. Snoozies - Basically a onesie with a built-in snooze-button. Is the baby crying in the middle of the night? Just tap the snooze button on his belly for nine more minutes of sleep.

6. Pink Floyd's Baby Einstein - When I was in college, I'd have spent a LOT of time zoning out to Baby Einstein...

7. Ambien-Coated Pacifiers - Controversial? Probably. Effective? Definitely. I KNOW for a fact my parents used to load me up with cough syrup before a long drive...

8. Baby Monitor TiVo - Sure, the baby monitor is great, but wouldn't you want the ability to pause, rewind, and record episodes of The Hills?

9. Baby Jacuzzi - Being a baby can be stressful sometimes. Why not take the edge off bath time with some relaxing bubble jets in his tub? This is also good if your baby happens to resemble a young Burt Reynolds.

10. Segway Strollers - The Segway Scooter may have been a bust, but put that technology in a stroller? You can go up and downstairs with ease AND look like a massive dork.

11. MP3 Baby Mobile - How sick are you of hearing the same classical music come out of your baby's mobile? Why can't we load our own songs onto a Mobile with a built-in MP3 player? Crap, this is actually a good idea...

12. Male Breast Pump - I know this is anatomically impossible, but I know it would make my wife happy to strap that generator/machine-box to my man boobs when I'm being a jackass, which is often.

Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV Producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, An Inconvenient Book.


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4 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous August 16, 2008, 5:10 PM

hilarious!

Anonymous August 19, 2008, 2:21 PM

Men actually CAN lactate you know…
:)

amy April 12, 2009, 11:33 PM

Actually, #11…there is such thing as an “icrib” you can use it as a doc for an an ipod and it plays. It hangs from the side of the crib much like those aquariums do. I got one as a shower gift and thought it was so cool! Actually we had a co-ed shower/bbq and it was bought by my husband’s friend…a man. ha ha ha
My daughter is 15 months and I’ve yet to open it…Re-gift? Great idea, but didn’t really seem practical unless baby had her own ipod.

Anonymous January 12, 2010, 2:54 PM

Baby jacuzzi - all three of my girls loved nothing better as babies than to hang out with mommy in the jacuzzi tub. I lit candles, turned on the bubbles, and they instantly fell asleep!


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