Mommy, I Don't Need a Nose Job
Monday, August 25, 2008
Guest Blogger Jamie: I had plastic surgery to fix my nose-- should I start planning for my daughter's operation now?
Like most mothers, I stared at my sonogram in awe -- scrutinizing the murky photo for details on what my baby would looked like upon arrival.
Unlike most mothers however, I was obsessively analyzing the shape of my unborn baby's nose.
The reason isn't a big mystery. When I was 18 years old, I had a nose job. It wasn't really my choice. It was kind of decided for me. As long as I can remember, my mother told me how "beautiful I'd be when I got my nose done." Sometimes, she'd stand me in front of a mirror to show me what my nose might look after I went under the surgeon's knife. I can't really blame her. Her mother probably did the same thing to her--both she and her sister had nose jobs in the 1950s.
By the time I was old enough to get my predestined nose job, I was relieved. No longer would I have to feel the shame of having a "big" nose. No longer would I have to hide behind my hair so people couldn't see my profile. No longer would I hate myself. The truth is, my nose wasn't that bad. Even before I got my nose done, I had friends, even boyfriends, but my self-esteem was always a wreck. I was relentlessly teased when I was in elementary school because my skinny physique made my nose stand out all the more.
I always said I'd never have children so I'd never have to deal with the nose job dilemma, which rendered me an insecure, nervous little girl. So the day I found out I was pregnant, I prayed for boy, because a "big" nose on a guy isn't a big deal. Then, when I found out I was having a girl, I prayed she would get my husband's nose. Neither prayer was answered. Nope, fate handed me a little girl who looks just like me, or rather what I used to look like.
It's like staring at all my childhood anxieties right in the face.
Now it's up to me to break the rhinoplasty cycle in my family and, instead of telling my daughter she's flawed, I need to impress upon her how beautiful she is---just as she is. But how? How can I teach her to be confident when I wasn't given the tools when I was a child to be comfortable in my own skin----at least until they took the bandages off my nose?
Unlike most mothers however, I was obsessively analyzing the shape of my unborn baby's nose.
The reason isn't a big mystery. When I was 18 years old, I had a nose job. It wasn't really my choice. It was kind of decided for me. As long as I can remember, my mother told me how "beautiful I'd be when I got my nose done." Sometimes, she'd stand me in front of a mirror to show me what my nose might look after I went under the surgeon's knife. I can't really blame her. Her mother probably did the same thing to her--both she and her sister had nose jobs in the 1950s.
By the time I was old enough to get my predestined nose job, I was relieved. No longer would I have to feel the shame of having a "big" nose. No longer would I have to hide behind my hair so people couldn't see my profile. No longer would I hate myself. The truth is, my nose wasn't that bad. Even before I got my nose done, I had friends, even boyfriends, but my self-esteem was always a wreck. I was relentlessly teased when I was in elementary school because my skinny physique made my nose stand out all the more.
I always said I'd never have children so I'd never have to deal with the nose job dilemma, which rendered me an insecure, nervous little girl. So the day I found out I was pregnant, I prayed for boy, because a "big" nose on a guy isn't a big deal. Then, when I found out I was having a girl, I prayed she would get my husband's nose. Neither prayer was answered. Nope, fate handed me a little girl who looks just like me, or rather what I used to look like.
It's like staring at all my childhood anxieties right in the face.
Now it's up to me to break the rhinoplasty cycle in my family and, instead of telling my daughter she's flawed, I need to impress upon her how beautiful she is---just as she is. But how? How can I teach her to be confident when I wasn't given the tools when I was a child to be comfortable in my own skin----at least until they took the bandages off my nose?
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Email7 comments so far | Post a comment now >>
I feel sorry for your daughter that you don’t seem to know how to behave like an adult. So what if you had a hard time as a child— don’t impose your insecurities on your child!
- Paula Rotnier
I think you’re an exceptional mom to think of these things now. Many parents just pass on their sh*t with no regard for the child’s future. Bravo! Keep teaching her self confidence and self worth, and she’ll be great.
- Anonymous
Interetingly, my husband and I were both born with big noses but HE is the one who had the nose job at 16 and I never thought twice about altering my appearance, and I come from a family full of large noses. We now have a toddler with a tiny nose, but should things change as she gets bigger I only know that I will keep my MIL as far away from her as possible! In the end, you child is going to focus on the things that YOU are focused on, so you need to work hard at making this a non-issue in her life.
- Anonymous
I think that in addition to all of the positive reinforcement that you should give her, you need to deal with the problem that YOU have with the nose. It sounds to me like it’s a big issue for you to have a daughter with a big nose. If you can learn how to accept it, then it will be much easier for you to tell her that she’s beautiful the way she is without feeling like you’re lying to her. Children will reflect on what they are told, and will identify themselves as such. As long as you keep her nose out of the conversations, I think you’ll have nothing to worry about. It may be hard when if she gets teased at school, but just encourage her by telling her how beautiful she is, and hopefully you’ll be able to break the cycle. Good luck!
- Kate
God, I find planning for your child’s plastic surgery disgusting. I feel bad for your BABY that she inherited such an awful mother to foist her own silly insecurities on her OWN baby! To the other comment about parents passing down their Sh*t to their kids. These things you refer as a 4 letter word are the things that make us unique. Nobody is “perfect” and it’s supposed to be that way. Chop off your kid’s nose and move to Orange County!
- Mike
Hey, Mike… The sh*t I was talking about was the insecurities not the nose. The writer put herself out there to share the stuff her own mother passed on… it was her MOTHER who suggested her nose job her whole life. Now she doesn’t want to pass that same stuff on to her own daughter but admits that she needs work to make sure it doesn’t happen. Maybe you should read the story before you jump on your pedastal.
- JMom
Hey Jmom. I read the ENTIRE story. I don’t need to jump on a pedastal to feel bad for her baby. The mother has already seen to that.
- Mike
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