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What Moms Think About During Sex

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Lately, my thoughts during sex are far from dirty--unless you count me worrying about getting the laundry done.

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Momlogic's Momstrosity: For some inexplicable reason, my husband only gets the idea to have sex at the end of our respective 16-hour days--after we've both worked, suffered through our commutes, picked up our child from daycare, made dinner, gave the kid a bath, read a story, did the bedtime routine and finished the dishes.

By the time we're both comfortably settled in bed, I'm like a zombie teetering between comatose and dead.

THEN, AND ONLY THEN, DOES MY HUSBAND REACH FOR ME ACROSS THE BED.

The following are my thoughts during our sweet, sweet lovemaking--or more accurately as we "do it." (I've labeled exactly where we are in "the act" so you can follow along!)

SEX ACT STATUS: The rollover to my side of the bed

Oh, dear God, maybe he'll change his mind.

SEX ACT STATUS: Foreplay

I guess not. It looks like he's going to follow through. Should I tell him I'm too tired? No, I did that last time, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

The mortgage is due tomorrow.

I hate our popcorn ceiling, maybe if we at least had molding it would look okay...

SEX ACT STATUS: Penetration

Am I going to have enough time to take a shower in the morning?

I should get the kid a new shape-sorter--I'm never going to find those missing triangles.

I just washed these sheets, I'm not sure if we have a clean set. Maybe in the dryer...

If I don't blow out my hair in the morning I might have time to take a shower.

I like cheese.

SEX ACT STATUS: Nearing orgasm

Can the kid hear us?

I hope she's not going to wake up crying for milk...wait, do we have enough milk for tomorrow?

Sh*t, I forget to pick some up on the way home. I keep forgetting things--and I HAVE to go to Target tomorrow. She's grown out of most of her pants. Maybe it's time for her to move to the 18-24 months.  I can't figure out what fits her and what doesn't--I've got to weed though her clothes and sort out the ones she's grown out of. You can't really trust the sizes. Technically, you'd think I could just get rid of the 12-18 months entirely--but sizes run differently in different brands...

Whoops, better make a few noises so he thinks I'm into this.

SEX ACT STATUS: The big finish

After sex, my dear husband always asks how it was for me.  I love him, so I always tell him it was great.  Honestly, sometimes the greatest part of it is I can finally get some sleep.


next: Leave Those Kids Alone: Page 2
165 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous August 28, 2008, 2:12 PM

I know exactly how she feels.After dealing with work stress and new baby stress all i want to do is sleep but sometimes its easier to just give it up! LOL

Anonymous August 28, 2008, 3:18 PM

How can you make love with you wife and make this type of comments. No wonder Husband prefer girl friends rather than wife.

My wife just look it.

Anonymous August 28, 2008, 3:46 PM

I pretend I’m having sex with my favorite rock star instead of DH.

Anonymous August 28, 2008, 5:25 PM

No wonder people cheat.

Gilly August 28, 2008, 5:42 PM

I think we need to get some perspective here. I have to wonder if all the previous comments are from men and what are men doing on momlogic??? Get a clue guys, if you weren’t so selfish the above would not be happening. But as the father you are not likely to have been the one working all day then fixing the dinner, bathing the kids, getting them into bed, doing housework in your spare seconds and then hoping to catch some sleep. You got home, complained about your day, told the kids to be quiet and asked when dinner was. THEN you expect your wife to focus on you when she is bone tired has to do it all again tomorrow. What do you care?? You got what you wanted and chances are pretty good you weren’t all that great either. But that’s the problem isn’t it? You want a woman that’s going to PRETEND you’re really good, boost your ego, rather than deal with the reality that you are not so great in bed that you can revive the flagging libido of your exhausted wife.
Grow up and get over yourselves.

Sharon August 28, 2008, 5:58 PM

I think about Patrick Dempsey sometimes. But mostly, I just think that I forgot to drop off the dry cleaning.

Anonymous August 28, 2008, 6:08 PM

I hate to tell you gilly but there are some men that do every thing you think you do I a take care of my kids after working 9 hours in the day , I allso cook diner help clean up do the drity close and so on when my day is done its mid night and iI do it all over again startting at 6am the next day so there and I some times get the same treatmen as above so you winey women quite complaining ok I now seval men do the same and for big her i clinked on a man site and it took me her so grow up

Anonymous August 28, 2008, 7:02 PM

Everyone. Relax. This is hilarious and obviously hyperbolized for effect. Love it!

T August 29, 2008, 6:01 AM

Aww.. Its all elaborated, just chill. I find it funny because sometimes it can be that way, but not all the time.

Anoymous August 29, 2008, 9:16 AM

I’ve been in her shoes from time to time. Sometimes there is so much going on in my life that I can’t turn my brain off and random ideas or to do lists run through my head. Then there are times that I pretend that it is someone else. Then there are times that I’m totally into the moment.

Obviously the above story is exaggerated. However, it also has some truth in it. We are so busy and so many demands are put on us to excel that sometimes it is hard for some people to shut out the outside world when the bedroom door closes. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love our SO or spouse.

Anonymous2 August 29, 2008, 9:30 AM

This is NOT exagerated! I am EXACTLY like her! Right from the cringe when he rolls over, and even BEFORE THAT, when he doesn’t pick up his book to start reading, but just lies there for a few minutes, I KNOW he is thinking, is this the right time to make my move? And it’s NOT! I cannot get into it when so much is going on in my mind!!!

I like morning sex, when perhaps I MAY have been having a steamy dream and he rolls over then I am into it! No thoughts of what to do today at 6 am before my alarm goes off. Of course there’s not alot of heavy kissing with that morning breath, but the sex is better!!!

Anonymous August 29, 2008, 11:04 AM

completely agree!!!

Stacey August 29, 2008, 11:39 AM

Hilarious! I think every woman has felt like this at one point or another. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her husband (in fact the writer mentions how much she does). It just means that sometimes when you are full on into sleep mode, the last thing on your mind is sex!

javad August 31, 2008, 2:30 AM

very nice

T September 2, 2008, 3:38 PM

For mother and wife that did not feel this way at one point or another, you are LYING! We have all had our minds elsewhere while having sex with our spouses, or wondered if the kids were going to get out of bed and come in our rooms. If you have not felt this way, then you have alot more help than I do raising my kids and working full time, or you have a few too many beverages before going to bed! Just laugh a little, isn’t that how all of us get through times like this!!!

Natalie September 3, 2008, 2:58 PM

This is great! There are some times where I just CAN’T turn off my brain. Some nights I just say “leave me the hell alone.” other nights I just give in. But a majority of the time, it’s great! I know everyone has those times where they’re thinking of something else!

Jenny September 4, 2008, 4:03 PM

I like cheese. OMG that was the best.

kreka September 4, 2008, 9:58 PM

thats so true
this is all same to me i have 3 kids from 4 months old to 5 years old and by the time he wants to do it i dont even think about it,im so tired with the kids,house work,food,..i need rest ..need to sleep
and if men would be in our position,they would forget about sex

iheartryanforever September 5, 2008, 5:27 PM

this is so sad and pathetic. i can’t imagine feeling or acting this way towards the love of my life, my husband. i look forward to him coming to bed, and often attack him before he gets the chance. sure, we have 3 kids under the age of 7, but i’m never going to miss out on the very best part of my day. i love him and can’t wait to make love and i’ve never once felt “preyed upon” or “oh god, not tonight.” what a terrible way to think and live.

Sharon September 5, 2008, 6:50 PM

Oh, haven’t we all been in this kind of rut. Often my husband is so tired himself that he doesn’t initiate sex, or when I initiate it, he asks if he can take a raincheck.

But then, he will be in the mood at the last minute, and I will go along with it, because I don’t want to disappoint him (even if he has disappointed me by rejecting me). But overall, I believe that sex is more important to him than it is to me (although in my better moments it is hard to top). So, even when I’m not in the mood, I give what he wants and my mind is everywhere but where his is. He doesn’t seem to notice, because I groan at the appropriate times and always tell him how satisfied I am afterwards. Actually, sometimes I end up being just as horny as him in the end.

We had a talk about last minute sex a few months ago, though, and have started heating up the mood earlier in the day. He will send me an e-mail telling me how hot I am, or I will let him know that I am really in the mood and looking forward to some fun later.

One night, after dinner, my husband handed me some blank index cards and asked me to write down 10 sex-related questions. He wrote some down, as well. Thinking and writing about it definitely got me in the mood earlier in the evening and the sex was so much better - much more involved on both sides! And the conversation was the best kind of foreplay.


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