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What Moms Think About During Sex

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Lately, my thoughts during sex are far from dirty--unless you count me worrying about getting the laundry done.

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Momlogic's Momstrosity: For some inexplicable reason, my husband only gets the idea to have sex at the end of our respective 16-hour days--after we've both worked, suffered through our commutes, picked up our child from daycare, made dinner, gave the kid a bath, read a story, did the bedtime routine and finished the dishes.

By the time we're both comfortably settled in bed, I'm like a zombie teetering between comatose and dead.

THEN, AND ONLY THEN, DOES MY HUSBAND REACH FOR ME ACROSS THE BED.

The following are my thoughts during our sweet, sweet lovemaking--or more accurately as we "do it." (I've labeled exactly where we are in "the act" so you can follow along!)

SEX ACT STATUS: The rollover to my side of the bed

Oh, dear God, maybe he'll change his mind.

SEX ACT STATUS: Foreplay

I guess not. It looks like he's going to follow through. Should I tell him I'm too tired? No, I did that last time, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

The mortgage is due tomorrow.

I hate our popcorn ceiling, maybe if we at least had molding it would look okay...

SEX ACT STATUS: Penetration

Am I going to have enough time to take a shower in the morning?

I should get the kid a new shape-sorter--I'm never going to find those missing triangles.

I just washed these sheets, I'm not sure if we have a clean set. Maybe in the dryer...

If I don't blow out my hair in the morning I might have time to take a shower.

I like cheese.

SEX ACT STATUS: Nearing orgasm

Can the kid hear us?

I hope she's not going to wake up crying for milk...wait, do we have enough milk for tomorrow?

Sh*t, I forget to pick some up on the way home. I keep forgetting things--and I HAVE to go to Target tomorrow. She's grown out of most of her pants. Maybe it's time for her to move to the 18-24 months.  I can't figure out what fits her and what doesn't--I've got to weed though her clothes and sort out the ones she's grown out of. You can't really trust the sizes. Technically, you'd think I could just get rid of the 12-18 months entirely--but sizes run differently in different brands...

Whoops, better make a few noises so he thinks I'm into this.

SEX ACT STATUS: The big finish

After sex, my dear husband always asks how it was for me.  I love him, so I always tell him it was great.  Honestly, sometimes the greatest part of it is I can finally get some sleep.


next: Leave Those Kids Alone: Page 2
165 comments so far | Post a comment now
johanna September 5, 2008, 9:16 PM

Personally. I dont think of any of that. I do think of someone else. But i cant relate too any of this. My husband doesnt want it alot of times. due too be a diabetic and had a heart attack 3 years ago. plus i have lupus and fibro. Hes retired at 43 and im 35 and i work as a nanny part time. But when we do it and its good then im ok. but i dont think about grocery list and what too get for cheese and where the heck are my ipod headphones lol. I guess im not old enough. who knows. Maybe it will hit me too who knows.

Wife September 6, 2008, 4:21 AM

I prefer to feel him pulling me over after I’ve fallen asleep. I’m relaxed and can enjoy the moment. Like many here, I’m too tense when lights go out. I don’t think of other men either, that’s no good for your marriage.

Anonymous2 September 6, 2008, 5:30 PM

Well I don’t think it is rocket science for a man to figure out that if his wife is uninterested in sex etc. then, what he is doing up to that point to change things just isn’t working. Men simply forget to court their wives as they did when they were dating. Try doing things for her without expecting sex for awhile. Arrange child care for the kids (secretly) send her flowers, have reservations at a swanky restaraunt, and reservations at a beautiful hotel where you guys can enjoy some cocktails by the pool late at night. Really talk to her, not about kids, work, or home. Talk about her….your thoughts and feelings about her in the beginning of your relationship up until now, after you have built a life with her. Point out qualities about her that you really enjoy and admire. Be origional and sincere. Talk of your hopes and your dreams……..and then when she has something to say, truly listen. Look at her intently. When you go back up to the room, don’t initiate sex. If it doesn’t happen, don’t pout either. You’ll probably shock her, but sometimes women get lost in who they are because they are so busy taking care of you and the kids. Sometimes you have to inspire her to change behaviors.

Anonymous September 12, 2008, 5:11 PM

wow, gilly are you just the ultimate downer or what? Just cuz your life sucks and you obviously arent doing anything about it but complain doesn’t mean everybody’s marraige is the same. Go and talk to your husband and do something about your problems!!

Anonymous October 6, 2008, 9:36 PM

Pretty good advertisement for staying single and childless.

johnny October 6, 2008, 11:11 PM

yes keep it up, then complain when he wants to nail the secretary

Anonymous October 11, 2008, 7:36 PM

You women are rotten. I love you so much. But when this happens, i will look to someone else (old girlfriend, younger women, OLDER women, to satisfy myself. I hate cheating. However, my wife has a lovely obligation to me as I do her.

Anonymous October 11, 2008, 7:40 PM

Selfisness on the womens part. Godlisness.

frogman October 14, 2008, 4:49 AM

haha first of all, some folks here really need to learn how to spell…
okay, guys think about other things during sex as well. to the author of this article, i feel bad for your husband… i’m sure he feels great after reading this! it’s funny how often couples forget to talk it out, just bring it out in the open. everything has a solution, things work out… but i must say, this still doesn’t give men the right to cheat. that’s a sorry excuse. most of us are lazy, we don’t do things to please our wives like we used to (before marriage). ladies, remind your men of what made you “want it.” glad i don’t have this issue…

Kellie October 14, 2008, 8:52 AM

There must be something wrong with me, the only thing I worry about is one of the kids walking in, other than that I don’t care what time it is, we can catch up on sleep some other time. I’m sorry but my mind is far from thinking about cheese!..lol

blurb October 14, 2008, 12:19 PM

Too funny!! And so so true! I think you and your husband need to have a “date” night that isn’t at the end of a 16-hour day so you can actually enjoy each other!! Maybe you can drop the kid off with Grandma over a weekend or something….. Good luck!

Drew October 14, 2008, 12:27 PM

My wife and I had the same issues with having energy at the end of the day for sex. We have a 12 year old, and have had a lot of the same issues that many of the commenters have shared.

Our solutions is unique, but works for us:

I work from home, and my wife works in town, so she and I have lunch dates a few times a week. Our son is at school, we have the house to ourselves, and plenty of energy. She ends up walking back into the office with her hair and blouse a bit ruffled, a bag of fast food in hand, and a big smile on her face.

tommy  October 14, 2008, 2:49 PM

Well if My wife did that then I dont want to give her any thing. She should just shut up and do what ever I say. If I have to bust my but and wor=k all day to bring home money so she can spend it then she should give it up all day and night if i want it.

Melissa October 14, 2008, 2:53 PM

I understand being tired at the end of the night and not being in the mood, but I do have to say that when I am about to fall asleep and my husband reaches over and wants to have sex, I am all for it! Yes, I may be tired and not in the mood at first, but I always try to at least put all of my focus into what we are doing. Maybe I am just lucky enough to have a guy who makes it so all I am thinking about is what he is doing to me……

Siloqui October 14, 2008, 2:54 PM

In order to avoid this type of sex, my husband and I acknowledge each others’ feelings and give each other respect so we don’t have meaningless lovemaking. Besides, I rather enjoy our wild lovemaking when we are both rested and totally into each other. By the way we have 4 kids, soon to be 5! It’s not impossible to have meaningful lovemaking, we just drop all the uneccesary things in our life and that leaves room for the important ones.

Julio October 14, 2008, 2:55 PM

Who cares what’s on her mind. I take it anyway she’ll give it up & all other women. If women satisfied men more, then we wouldn’t go elsewhere. So, here’s a clue women….satisfy your men & put in at least 1/2 the effort he does & he might…again, might not be getting satisfied elsewhere.

Anonymous October 14, 2008, 4:48 PM

I never thought being married there would be such a negative aspect of support . Fathers do a part also by being supportive of the house hold .What about the things I did’nt share about work ,like I’m one write up from loosing this job . Love making starts with knowing you love the person your with & not keeping score or allowing yourself to be taken for granted . There is always a way to approach a subject without leading to an argument . Remember there is no I in team Husband & wyfe.

Mud October 14, 2008, 5:28 PM

Well, I tell you this, it’s not only for the guys..I have to ask my husband to go at it, how about that????

Annonymous October 14, 2008, 7:08 PM

Not all women think like that. There are actually mothers out there who think about sex as much as men do or more. And if it helps you sleep at night to say they are lying about it, then ignorance is bliss

AnAirman October 14, 2008, 7:22 PM

So wait wait wait…

THIS is how women think of their HUSBANDS? Are you kidding me?

If there ever were a reason for a man not to get married, then this is it. First, they hate sex with their husbands, then try to justify cheating on said husbands with other men. Sickening.

This is what women have come to, yet men are expected to love and stand up for them. Yuck.


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