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What Moms Think About During Sex

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Lately, my thoughts during sex are far from dirty--unless you count me worrying about getting the laundry done.

dirtysexthoughts.jpg
Momlogic's Momstrosity: For some inexplicable reason, my husband only gets the idea to have sex at the end of our respective 16-hour days--after we've both worked, suffered through our commutes, picked up our child from daycare, made dinner, gave the kid a bath, read a story, did the bedtime routine and finished the dishes.

By the time we're both comfortably settled in bed, I'm like a zombie teetering between comatose and dead.

THEN, AND ONLY THEN, DOES MY HUSBAND REACH FOR ME ACROSS THE BED.

The following are my thoughts during our sweet, sweet lovemaking--or more accurately as we "do it." (I've labeled exactly where we are in "the act" so you can follow along!)

SEX ACT STATUS: The rollover to my side of the bed

Oh, dear God, maybe he'll change his mind.

SEX ACT STATUS: Foreplay

I guess not. It looks like he's going to follow through. Should I tell him I'm too tired? No, I did that last time, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

The mortgage is due tomorrow.

I hate our popcorn ceiling, maybe if we at least had molding it would look okay...

SEX ACT STATUS: Penetration

Am I going to have enough time to take a shower in the morning?

I should get the kid a new shape-sorter--I'm never going to find those missing triangles.

I just washed these sheets, I'm not sure if we have a clean set. Maybe in the dryer...

If I don't blow out my hair in the morning I might have time to take a shower.

I like cheese.

SEX ACT STATUS: Nearing orgasm

Can the kid hear us?

I hope she's not going to wake up crying for milk...wait, do we have enough milk for tomorrow?

Sh*t, I forget to pick some up on the way home. I keep forgetting things--and I HAVE to go to Target tomorrow. She's grown out of most of her pants. Maybe it's time for her to move to the 18-24 months.  I can't figure out what fits her and what doesn't--I've got to weed though her clothes and sort out the ones she's grown out of. You can't really trust the sizes. Technically, you'd think I could just get rid of the 12-18 months entirely--but sizes run differently in different brands...

Whoops, better make a few noises so he thinks I'm into this.

SEX ACT STATUS: The big finish

After sex, my dear husband always asks how it was for me.  I love him, so I always tell him it was great.  Honestly, sometimes the greatest part of it is I can finally get some sleep.


next: Leave Those Kids Alone: Page 2
165 comments so far | Post a comment now
Matt November 20, 2008, 7:30 PM

Sounds exactly like my ex wife… It’s completely pathetic how some women make their husband the absolute last priority in their life once they have children.

Safely anonymous November 20, 2008, 8:19 PM

That’s fine, ladies, just don’t get upset when we cheat on you.

Anonymous November 20, 2008, 8:44 PM

Okay, I find nothing wrong with people thinking about other things when they are having sex. I think people that state that they do not are really lying. I have actually thought about physics while having sex before, but then again I like doing more than one thing at one time. I think many people are like that though.

Anonymous November 20, 2008, 10:27 PM

Speaking as a male, I think that could live content with a spouse who had little sex drive.

If I discovered my SO had written this about me, I would feel very hurt. I would feel betrayed and lied to and feel like a rapist at the same time.

—anon

kevin November 21, 2008, 12:43 AM

Gilly good job on making yourself the stereotype housewife

kevin November 21, 2008, 12:46 AM

Gilly good job on making yourself the stereotype housewife

Anonymous November 21, 2008, 3:18 AM

I know this is supposed to be funny, it isn’t btw and it shows exactly why so many men leave their wives. If you aren’t into your man then why should he be into you? both emotionally and physically?
Men aren’t stupid, they pick up on the non-verbal and either cheat, stay faithful but withdraw or just leave.
Of course, the “typical” housewife will blame everyone and everything except herself.

andrew November 21, 2008, 10:15 AM

Wow. Being an Engineer major in college I would have to say it’s sad that I will have to pick from women like this in a crap society. Where are the good women at. I like to cook and clean because my mother was obviously better than the ones raising most of the dipshits now days. Women if you want a good man then look at his mom. If the mothers were like the bitch that wrote this article then he’s a definitely not a keeper. Most likely here you will see that woman will emotionally trade her son for her husband and will shower him with her love as the husband just gets a cold shoulder to true affection. In effect this will create a weak father and a distorted wife that makes the son think he is worthy of servitude from a woman. This cyclic effect has happened due to culture changes. It’s rampant in this country.


Hey we should all be tired at the end of the day, but if you are living your life to the American norms, you are going to die a very boring person. GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FAMILY AND LEARN TO APPRECIATE ONE ANOTHER. (think of the Congo or China) the love will come back if you see when you get a relative grasp on life when you understand that you can live off more than rice and beans.

I would have to say on an end note it doesn’t help that we have one of the most religious countries in the world, yet it’s one of the least spiritual ones. Most of you have no visceral love for life. You epitomize current day America and the most you will ever be is a sad footnote in a really shitty history book. You spoiled culture of dissidence and ignorance who have no love for this earth for you do not know its treasure… .

I’d ramble on more, but I have a degree to attack and some dishes to clean.


eric November 21, 2008, 3:33 PM

First off, I think it should be said that some of the men posting to this site (often identified by their, um, youthful approach to marriage) have come here because the blog was linked in the website reddit.com.

That being said, I think that there is a lot of stereotyping of both men and women going on in both the blog post and in many of the comments posted after. Maybe it would be good to get a couple of them out in the open.

1. Women who aren’t interested in sex are “unfaithful.” This is untrue for apparent reasons. As I understand it there is a complex interplay between man and women that is sometimes needed to allow a woman to be relaxed enough to enjoy herself. Both partners need to participate in this interplay. I’ve heard it said that foreplay starts after the last time you’ve made love. Showing acts of love during the day would then help spice things up for the night.
Additionally, by virtue of the brains God evolved (thought I’d throw both in) us with, women’s minds tend to multitask during sex while men tend to be engrossed in the act. It doesn’t necessarily speak to the instability of the relationship if other thoughts pop into the mind of a woman.

2. Men are sex machines that will eventually drive you to the place where you hate sex. Again, this generalization is used to “simplify” how we conceptualize others and tell stories in a more simple way (as the blog post kind of shows). It is actually a symptom of the same lack of affection outside of sex. Men whether doting on their wives or not on average have a strong sex drive. But, doting makes the sex more enjoyable for both partners. So, if the effect is that you’d rather sleep than love your husband, the cause may be that he is not giving you non-sex affection.

3.Other stereotypes are actually being reinforced by posters about themselves. An example of this would be the young male posters who don’t (but hopefully someday will) understand the true love between a couple, and the potential for amazing love to blossom between them. Because of their naivety and their disrespect, in some cases, for the women on this website, they have cast themselves in the stereotype of the “cheating man” that one day they will have to fight against, having forgotton completely what they’ve said in this place.

There are other stereotypes, too. But I’ve said my bit.

*As for me, I am a young engaged man. And I speak of what I do not know. But, after the upcoming wedding, I will have the first touch of experience.

eric November 21, 2008, 3:37 PM

cast themselves in the stereotype of the “cheating man” that one day they will have to fight against, having forgotton completely what they’ve said in this place.

As for me, I am a young engaged man. And I speak of what I do not know. But, after the upcoming wedding, I will have the first touch of experience.

Cogitative November 22, 2008, 9:52 AM

Notice something here people…She states that the only time He thinks of her is after THEY HAVE DONE THE DAILY CHORES TOGETHER AT THE END OF THE DAY. So in all the responses let me ask this…


When does she think of him? She doesn’t say that she even tried at ANY point! I didn’t see a single line in there that says she reached for him at all .

Answer me that - because outside of this, they are BOTH taking care of the family needs TOGETHER!


She doesn’t say he’s cheating, it doesn’t say he’s lying, it doesn’t say he’s a bad husband. But it does say she’s put him out of her mind, as if she’s married to a stranger, just because they have work to do. And yet, he hasn’t forgotten her. I mean, she doen’t even tell the gender of ‘the kid’.

Someone make sense of how that’s fair to anyone in the family - and please don’t give me that “multi-tasking BS as if men don’t think at all.
If they love that child, let’s not forget the joy involved in making it.


She’s a selfish materialistic woman…Look at the things she lists as important: Mortgage, popcorn ceiling, shape sorter for ‘the kid’, sheets shower her hair and cheese.

How about the love for her family, and the thankfulness that htey are all alive and healthy and love her. If it’s like this in her head when things are good…how will it be when things are bad?!

And Eric…I wish you the best, and hope you never find yourself posting here on the otherside of the table.

pdderek November 23, 2008, 2:27 AM

This article is ridiculous. First off, STOP LYING! If you’re not up for sex, then tell him. Maybe then he could divorce you and find someone into it. Second, it sounds like the problem is with this woman’s inability to cope with her own life situations than her husbands lack of resolve/effort. If you can’t shut your brain up at the end of the day then I feel sorry for you. Take a mindful breathing class, yoga, whatever you have to do to stay in the moment for God’s sake.

women act like men are male lions or something!

You imagine we sit around all day napping in the sun, protecting our territory, farting and spreading scent around until the time one of our lady lions makes a kill then we rush in, eat dinner, demand sex, and start the cycle over again.

Sooo much hypocrisy ladies! What was the point of the woman’s movement if you’re all just going to COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN! about working?! Generations before you fought for your newly acquired rights and you want to simply revert back to being “merely housewives”

25 and single and loving life

Really? Really!? November 24, 2008, 3:28 PM

The comments make the men look bad. Really bad. Honestly, as a guy whose been married for over 15 years, I would be happy to have any type of sexual contact with my wife. Faking it doesn’t mean she’s not in to you. In fact, I think that her faking it means she DOES love you and is willing to compromise to make her spouse happy. The guys complaining are most likely in for a shocker if they can make it past 5 years of marriage. Compromise is a key to any relationship and sometimes we tell little white lies to make the other feel good. Reading the comments from the guys makes me wonder why there aren’t more lesbians.

anonymous November 25, 2008, 1:49 AM

And we guys are thinking….man that girl at the office is sooo hot. If I screwed her, would she feel like this? Man, her ass is sooo much smaller. Her belly sooo much firmer. Her boobs sooo much better….man I wish I had that!

Lauren November 25, 2008, 10:38 AM

I am in my early 20’s, and I HOPE that I NEVER think like this. Thinking that way during sex is the product of many months/years of no effort in a relationship. Reading this only makes me want to work harder at my relationship with my boyfriend. I am also TOTALLY APPALLED by the guys that are commenting with “I hope he cheats on you”. Why would you even wish something like that? Thinking that that is a reasonable punishment is TERRIBLE. What should be done is a couples therapy, to maybe get both of their stubborn minds to realize that sex shouldn’t be scheduled and it should be something that is a thoughtful, loving act towards each other.

Some of these comments make me sick. Just because your wife is really stressed out from her day and her mind is still winding from the events does not give her husband the right or excuse to find another sex partner.

And to the ladies out there who think of other men during sex w/ their husbands…even if they are celebrities—you’re a disgrace too. Realize why you married your SO’s and keep that in your mind the next time you decide to think of a movie star instead of your loving husband.

Lauren November 25, 2008, 10:51 AM

And just for the record, I am aware that guys “make the money” to support the family…but that does not give you the right to neglect your wife emotionally. A lot of guys don’t realize that saying “I love you” can lose it’s meaning when said flatly or routinely. If you guys want sex from your SO’s to maintain your happiness (and apparently your fidelity according to some of you sleazeballs) then you should KNOW that a woman needs her daily dosage of compliments and loving gestures. A simple compliment does not cost a thing, but it means the world to a woman. TRUST ME. Buy her flowers on a regular Monday. But most importantly, keep her reminded on how beautiful she is. That reassurance will build her confidence and her sexual willingness.

And if you have been having problems for awhile, don’t expect this to happen overnight. There is a lot of built up tension that needs to be broken down, and it takes two people who love each other. You aren’t “entitled” to have sex at your leisure, it should be something that your SO wants to do for you, with you and if you just put a tiny bit of effort into a free, yet priceless thing as a compliment then you will will see changes very quickly.

John November 27, 2008, 8:35 AM

Sex or making love? Is that a question? There is a difference. I linked to this site from aol on the welcome page list as a news article titled Cheating dad caught red handed. I then came acoss this conversation. I as a man do not really care what is on your mind while we have sex. Some times I come home to find her watching tv, cooking or what ever. I will aproach her and just pull off her clothes leaving the panties for last. I giver her face till the O’s. Afterward I just unzip and penetrate, usually in her mouth. All of this with no questions, words, foreplay etc. . When I’m done I’ll kiss her and go about my day. If we make love she initiates it. Usually when we are waking up she will roll over to hug me and like every man I’ve got morning wood. Laying on my back I’ll pull her atop me and she begins to grind one out. Which really does nothing for me. After she collapses on my chest out of breath I’ll roll out from under her and take her from behind till I O. Again no real words, discussions or foreplay. In a sense I don’t care as long as she is there. So keep in mind ladies if you don’t provide a playland for your man to use at his discretion he will go elsewhere. She knows this of me cause I simply told her. So I get what I want when I want it and she does to.

John November 27, 2008, 8:56 AM

And Lauren who posted just above me. Keep in mind there is hardley a better way to make a woman feel more loved than to put on the ol hitler mustache and tongue lash the lil sailor. Also what you said about telling yoour wife that she is beautiful and complementing her a lot is untrue. There are more hidious men and women then attractive ones. So think about some 40 year old fat man telling is obease wife she is beautiful. That would be ubsurd and insulting. You my dear are the kind of person who will be let down because you think that married people should intertwine their lives and look for a reason to exist from your partner. When in fact you have to do things on your own to feel rewarded and so does he. Sex is an obligation not a rite to passage. Sex should be looked at as a selfish delight. Get it when you want and give it when he wants.

Anonymous November 27, 2008, 10:12 AM

I’m horrified. And people wonder why I don’t want kids. As a woman I’ll admit that sometimes I have that internal *did we pay the light bill? What am I going to wear tomorrow?* monologue running…but once we start the show that goes out the window. He’s my husband! He’s giving 100%, if I’m not all there I just say so!! I am positively horrified by these comments.

Davey November 27, 2008, 11:45 AM

THIS, ladies, is precisely why we cheat.


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