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What Moms Think About During Sex

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Lately, my thoughts during sex are far from dirty--unless you count me worrying about getting the laundry done.

dirtysexthoughts.jpg
Momlogic's Momstrosity: For some inexplicable reason, my husband only gets the idea to have sex at the end of our respective 16-hour days--after we've both worked, suffered through our commutes, picked up our child from daycare, made dinner, gave the kid a bath, read a story, did the bedtime routine and finished the dishes.

By the time we're both comfortably settled in bed, I'm like a zombie teetering between comatose and dead.

THEN, AND ONLY THEN, DOES MY HUSBAND REACH FOR ME ACROSS THE BED.

The following are my thoughts during our sweet, sweet lovemaking--or more accurately as we "do it." (I've labeled exactly where we are in "the act" so you can follow along!)

SEX ACT STATUS: The rollover to my side of the bed

Oh, dear God, maybe he'll change his mind.

SEX ACT STATUS: Foreplay

I guess not. It looks like he's going to follow through. Should I tell him I'm too tired? No, I did that last time, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

The mortgage is due tomorrow.

I hate our popcorn ceiling, maybe if we at least had molding it would look okay...

SEX ACT STATUS: Penetration

Am I going to have enough time to take a shower in the morning?

I should get the kid a new shape-sorter--I'm never going to find those missing triangles.

I just washed these sheets, I'm not sure if we have a clean set. Maybe in the dryer...

If I don't blow out my hair in the morning I might have time to take a shower.

I like cheese.

SEX ACT STATUS: Nearing orgasm

Can the kid hear us?

I hope she's not going to wake up crying for milk...wait, do we have enough milk for tomorrow?

Sh*t, I forget to pick some up on the way home. I keep forgetting things--and I HAVE to go to Target tomorrow. She's grown out of most of her pants. Maybe it's time for her to move to the 18-24 months.  I can't figure out what fits her and what doesn't--I've got to weed though her clothes and sort out the ones she's grown out of. You can't really trust the sizes. Technically, you'd think I could just get rid of the 12-18 months entirely--but sizes run differently in different brands...

Whoops, better make a few noises so he thinks I'm into this.

SEX ACT STATUS: The big finish

After sex, my dear husband always asks how it was for me.  I love him, so I always tell him it was great.  Honestly, sometimes the greatest part of it is I can finally get some sleep.


next: Leave Those Kids Alone: Page 2
165 comments so far | Post a comment now
-faithfull November 27, 2008, 1:47 PM

and you wonder why your husbands cheat on you…if you think men don’t notice this kind of stuff you have to be really stupid. This is why men go so easily into other women’s arms….just remember that next time your blaming him for your failed marriage that you brought on

Anonymous December 11, 2008, 4:03 PM

This is great! I have to fight to keep my mind on whats going on. I thought I was the only one. THANK YOU!

Susy December 22, 2008, 12:24 PM

Sometimes I feel like saying ‘pull my nighty down when your finished’ but most times I let have his way because it’s quicker than having a disscusion about it before hand and yes sometimes I do get in the mood when he’s been going at me for longer than usual.

Wendy December 29, 2008, 2:33 PM

When you’ve been married forever, like 20+ years like me, I tend to think about other guys a lot of the time, guys at work, on T.V, in films, guys I.ve seen in the street whatever, does’t mean I want to sleep with them just want to think about sleeping with them, a slight different I think, and anyway helps me get off!

TiredMom January 13, 2009, 1:16 PM

This is exactly how it is for me, even if I try for it not to be. We spiced up our sex life yesterday. I was putting away socks in our walk in closet when he surprised me all naked. I was like yeah, this is exciting, but then once the act started I was looking down at the pile of laundry under my feet and the framed print I have been meaning to hang, and couldn’t stop thinking about doing those things.

Sasha January 13, 2009, 4:40 PM

Haha, been there, done that!
Although as a women- I seem to be asking for sex much more than the hubby since the kids have rolled into town.
I wonder…what he is thinking?

Ben's Momma January 23, 2009, 11:05 AM

All Mothers have to admit they’ve have all felt like this at one time or another. I wish my husband could read all the agreeing comments. He might think twice about getting angry with me b/c I’m “just not in the mood” or don’t seem into it.

But then again - I’ve always been told that the more sex you have, the more sex you want to have and vice versa.

Anonymous January 25, 2009, 4:29 PM

Dont complain if U are rejected, abandoned or changed for another woman.

lavidjio January 25, 2009, 9:32 PM

lavidjio

Traci February 3, 2009, 1:58 PM

Please give me a break iheartryanforever. We all love our husbands dearly. We would never try to hurt them or make them feel bad. They are men and they react differently to stress differently than we do. Sex jumps into their minds much sooner than it does ours. When theyre stressed they think ooohh lets get some. Is of all because they know it’ll make them sleep sooooo good. If it did that for me I’d be the one saying cmon honey but it doesnt, so we dont. Just give yourself some time you’ll have your day just like all of us has. But please dont do not make it seem that we do not love our husbands because of this. This has nothing to do with loving the men in our lives. And I’d be willing to bet we’ve all had our share of making love when we didnt really feel like and then all of the sudden go hey that was totally awesome, Im glad I did it. Men do like to chase afer it even when theyre married.

Justin February 19, 2009, 11:52 PM

At least with a prostitute I KNOW she would rather be doing something else!

Anonymous February 23, 2009, 1:24 PM

I found this story pretty funny. Some times I feel like that when my hubby rolls over and I just want to sleep….but I usually at least try to get into it,….if that doesn’t work(which most times it does!) I let him think im into it so he can at least enjoy it…lol…

Anonymous February 23, 2009, 1:25 PM

Haha, I actually thought this was a funny story. I will admit that sometimes I am just so tired I don’t want to have se, but for the most part I at least try to get into it for my hubby.

Anonymous February 27, 2009, 9:03 AM

This is sooo true, and for all you guys who commented this is the reason people cheat: The other woman has those thoughts too :P

melissa March 16, 2009, 5:57 PM

im sorry but i think she is a b*tch. i have a 3 month old, very demanding son, and i still have time to enjoy sex i work 3 jobs, come home, clean house, wait for my husband to come home from work, fix dinner and play with the baby, after that my favorite time is when its bed time. sex time. she is totally nuts

Tiffany March 24, 2009, 8:22 AM

This article is why I prefer to be divorced and have sex only with myself and my fantasies.

Anonymous June 4, 2009, 5:22 PM

You sound like my first two ex-wife’s that is why they are ex-wife’s. Remember what he does not get at home he will get some where and he just might give it to you. There are a lot of women out there that love to have fun and enjoy sex so keep faking it I will be there to take up your slack.

Beth in SF August 12, 2009, 5:37 PM

LOL this is so dead-on, it’s a bit scary.

The Baldchemist August 15, 2009, 3:07 AM

See, this is where masturbation is honest. At least you get to make love to someone you really care about.

Anonymous August 15, 2009, 3:24 AM

this is why people cheat and women are evil


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