twitter facebook stumble upon rss

What Moms Think About During Sex

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Lately, my thoughts during sex are far from dirty--unless you count me worrying about getting the laundry done.

dirtysexthoughts.jpg
Momlogic's Momstrosity: For some inexplicable reason, my husband only gets the idea to have sex at the end of our respective 16-hour days--after we've both worked, suffered through our commutes, picked up our child from daycare, made dinner, gave the kid a bath, read a story, did the bedtime routine and finished the dishes.

By the time we're both comfortably settled in bed, I'm like a zombie teetering between comatose and dead.

THEN, AND ONLY THEN, DOES MY HUSBAND REACH FOR ME ACROSS THE BED.

The following are my thoughts during our sweet, sweet lovemaking--or more accurately as we "do it." (I've labeled exactly where we are in "the act" so you can follow along!)

SEX ACT STATUS: The rollover to my side of the bed

Oh, dear God, maybe he'll change his mind.

SEX ACT STATUS: Foreplay

I guess not. It looks like he's going to follow through. Should I tell him I'm too tired? No, I did that last time, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

The mortgage is due tomorrow.

I hate our popcorn ceiling, maybe if we at least had molding it would look okay...

SEX ACT STATUS: Penetration

Am I going to have enough time to take a shower in the morning?

I should get the kid a new shape-sorter--I'm never going to find those missing triangles.

I just washed these sheets, I'm not sure if we have a clean set. Maybe in the dryer...

If I don't blow out my hair in the morning I might have time to take a shower.

I like cheese.

SEX ACT STATUS: Nearing orgasm

Can the kid hear us?

I hope she's not going to wake up crying for milk...wait, do we have enough milk for tomorrow?

Sh*t, I forget to pick some up on the way home. I keep forgetting things--and I HAVE to go to Target tomorrow. She's grown out of most of her pants. Maybe it's time for her to move to the 18-24 months. I can't figure out what fits her and what doesn't--I've got to weed though her clothes and sort out the ones she's grown out of. You can't really trust the sizes. Technically, you'd think I could just get rid of the 12-18 months entirely--but sizes run differently in different brands...

Whoops, better make a few noises so he thinks I'm into this.

SEX ACT STATUS: The big finish

After sex, my dear husband always asks how it was for me. I love him, so I always tell him it was great. Honestly, sometimes the greatest part of it is I can finally get some sleep.


next: Leave Those Kids Alone: Page 2
165 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous August 19, 2009, 10:33 PM

I agree with the author. I am a day care provider and after cleaning, cooking, diapers, and being climbed on, I don’t want to be touched.

melissa August 26, 2009, 2:42 PM

i love this post. it cracked me up!!!
thank you for making me laugh today!!

Anna August 26, 2009, 2:59 PM

Men, get a grip. Your wife is just exhausted. Try making time for sex in the morning before the kids wake up. Or help take some of the responsibilities off your wife so she is more relaxed and rested. If you work close to home, you can meet at home for a sexy “lunch break” once a week. I agree that at the end of a long, stressful day, it is the worst time for many women to think about sex.

Anonymous August 26, 2009, 4:09 PM

How deceitful… if you’re not interested in having sex then you should tell him. IMO what you women are doing is no better than lying.

If I found out my wife was really only having sex to humor me, that would be the end of the relationship. How utterly dishonest and insulting.

If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. If you never want to do it, don’t be upset when he finds a mistress.

Laura August 26, 2009, 6:45 PM

This article is friggin’ hilarious and oh so true! Thanks for sharing!

Megaman September 14, 2009, 7:03 PM

Marriage is total bullshit. You paid $20,000 on a wedding (which you [the girl] made a big F-ing deal about - trying to make it “the perfect day”) just so you could cut his nuts off.

If you’re a guy, and you want to have lots of [or really any] sex for years and years. Don’t get married. And for god’s sake, don’t have kids.

M September 15, 2009, 6:52 PM

I’ve felt this way before. My SO gets home after midnight. I go to sleep arond 10 so by the time he gets here, I’m so far gone. He tries to put some moves on me but I’m just in too deep of a sleep to bother. Sometimes that doesn’t stop him though and I just lay there semi-conscious trying to wake up but by the time I’m able to see straight, it’s over and time to go back to sleep! Usually I’m thinking ‘What’s going on? Oh ok, try to wake up and participate… ugh so tired, try harder to wake up… Ok, I’m up now and he’s done. I’m just going to roll back over and go back to sleep.’ Sometimes I wonder if there is something actually wrong with me that it’s so difficult for me to wake up sometimes. After working all day and coming home doing everything else, I am just so exhausted. It doesn’t help matters that he flirts with all kinds of other women either. Then I feel like he’s taking out his sexual frustrations from those other women on me and I don’t really want to get into sex anyways.

Megaman September 16, 2009, 12:38 AM

“thats so true this is all same to me i have 3 kids from 4 months old to 5 years old and by the time he wants to do it i dont even think about it,im so tired with the kids,house work,food,..i need rest ..need to sleep and if men would be in our position,they would forget about sex

- kreka”

Dream on. In the middle of World Wars I, II, Korean War, Vietnam, Iraq(s), and Afghanistan - men have found the energy for sex.

theworstpartis October 30, 2009, 3:21 AM

The worst part is that she isn’t being open and honest. As a guy, the last thing I want is to initiate something that my girl isn’t into. It’s a matter of respect, on both sides. If you aren’t into it, say so. We can wait for a better time. And if that isn’t the kind of thing you’re comfortable bringing up or talking about then it seems to me like there may be a deeper issue to address.

Ms Jackson November 23, 2009, 4:21 AM

If you want to have amazing sex, then you need to think about sex! I am a mother of three. I have been married for 20 years. I love my husband and I LOVE our sexlife. Believe me shopping and dishes and laundry and all the unimportant things we waste our time thinking about will still be waiting for us in the morning. Unless you plan on getting out of bed to run to Target, let it all go. We all are busy. We all have endless lists of things to do. But nothing is more important than love! Look I have a full time job that requires weekly travel, own a restaurant with my husband, I home-school my three children. We have 5 cats and 4 dogs. Life is BUSY. But love is the reason we are all here.Let go of the small stuff and embrace your lover.

Sam November 26, 2009, 11:50 PM

What’s amazing is the staggering amount of women who’ve commented in response to this article who stereotypically think that every man is just a sex crazed, inconsiderate jerk. Albeit there are men who really do have the mental capacity of a self absorbed, horny mutt, but so many women only hurt themselves with the closed-minded assumption that this is every man and that “he doesn’t have the ability to understand anything else so why bother?”. You’d be surprised at what could happen if you just simply (gasp) communicated with your partners. Maybe he’d be open to rendezvous at a different time of day. Maybe he’d be willing to help you out with your troubles more so that you might desire more to be intimate. Maybe, just maybe, if he wants intimacy bad enough, he may put real effort into rekindling your sexual appetite by lessening your daily burdens and addressing the issues in your relationship because he cares about you and the relationship and DOESN’T want you to just spread your legs and take it, but to have real desire and participation.

But you don’t think this way. You presume it easier to ignore and/or cringe at the problem when really, the amount of effort required to avoid sex or put on an act will far outweigh the effort of actually solving your underlying relationship issues over time. I can speak from experience on this and I feel sorry for the women who just don’t get it. They’re conditioned to think that this is just they way of things and the only thing they learn is how to better adapt instead of how to solve the cause of the root problem.

I came to this website expecting to gain a little knowledge and insight, and instead, all I’ve found is a whole bunch of “yay moms and to heck with those disgusting, annoying fleshbags we’re forced to call husbands.”

Sarah December 4, 2009, 6:15 AM

It’s all lies. Cheating or telling your husband the sex is fine. Either way you’re a liar so ultimately the damage is done and you can’t expect to be treated with honesty and respect when you’re not giving the same thing to your spouse. This is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read and the male response isn’t shocking but incredibly hateful. Everyone could use to be a little more honest with their spouse…kids or not.

Rita December 5, 2009, 12:42 PM

Wow. I’d just like to say, I don’t believe unsexual women are the norm. I am 30 years old and have been married to my husband for 10 years and the sex is still frequent and better then ever. I love having sex with my husband. I know I’m still sexy after having 2 children 6 years apart, my hubby loves me and my body and I love how he still caresses me every day. I may be a mom but I know I’m still a woman and a wife and I will never lose my femininity just because I’m a mom. As for what I’m thinking during sex, I really don’t know, all I know is I’m into it.

Women, don’t let yourselves go! You’re still women! Embrace it, believe you’re sexy and if u don’t feel sexy then do something that makes u feel good! Like go buy a new outfit, go get a free makeover, get your hair done, go out with friends, exercise, find what makes you happy and embrace it. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to lose your womanhood!

Lisa December 16, 2009, 3:44 PM

Thank you SOOOO MUCH for your honest post! I love it :-) And it’s the reason I have decided not to get married. I cannot imagine a less peaceful existence than having to deal with this every night when I go to bed. I have never wanted children, and now, in my 40’s (still lookin’ good and getting asked out on dates), I have decided that living with a man/marriage is just not for me! It is so liberating :-) I have a great career, own my own home, three awesome dogs (who I don’t dread going to bed with) and I feel so content about not living with a man :-) Your description of what I have assumed marriage would be like is exactly what I have imagined it would be. I really appreciate your candor … and I give you a lot of credit for being able to hang in there night after night. You have my sympathy.

Anonymous January 15, 2010, 11:06 PM

gosh! all of you still want some sex? LOL. I know this is terrible, but I think when I gave birth to daughter number 3, I managed to purge my libido along with her. Bring me good food, good book, but sex, I’d rather not. Scientist should have worked harder developing pills for women like me instead of inventing the blue pills. :D

OneFromTheOtherSide February 12, 2010, 11:21 AM

What? We should be investigating what and how our wife’s think?

After 30 years of marriage and over 10 years of sexless or near sexless marriage, I’ve given up. In the last year I resorted to letting the wife initiate, show interest, etc. Guess what it didn’t happen.

So much is said of women being the communicators, empathetic and men unfeeling, I think many women need to examine their life choices as I have done.

It’s not just the sex, it is the withdrawing, the lack of communication. I know that there are many causes but if both of the couple are not honest and willing to make an effort might as well call it quits.

Anonymous March 11, 2010, 6:23 PM

@ Gilly:
I am a man, and I used the “Stumble” tool bar to happen across this page. I think that the author is joking and over emphasizing what she may have felt over a couple of different experiences in the sack with her husband. You, on the other hand, obviously take this quite seriously since you choose to defend her obviously humorous stance. It is definitely a bad idea to allow sex to become a “this’ll shut him up” move in a wife’s book. Not all men are that bright, but you can’t keep up that kind of act long with out it becoming obvious. The truth is, if this author truly does think what she posted above and she posted it with or with out her spouses knowledge on the internet, that is wrong; and I believe any reasonable person would agree. Similarly, if your husband thought that you were no longer pleasing to him in bed, and posted an article about it, you would be livid. Point rested.

Daniel March 23, 2010, 5:21 AM

What I don’t understand is, why can’t you talk about this? I bet a guy would exchange OK sex for 2 days of the week for 1 great one on the weekends when you want it as well.

This is exactly why relationships go wrong, and while you CAN blame a husband for cheating in these circumstances, but you also, as a woman, have to take half of it. Not because you don’t want to have sex, but because you hide the problem, and lie to our husband that everything is ok.

The reason you never want to have sex is that you’re always forced to do it when you don’t really want to, if you can talk about it, and try to only have it when convenient, you might want it more and more, and both of you would be happier

Jessica May 17, 2010, 10:21 PM

I think this is very sad, especially because you are not taking any initiative to change anything! You said that you husband only tries to have sex late at night, well when do you ever try to have sex with him? I am sure he does not feel like you desire him. Call him during the day and tell him how you can’t wait to have him RIGHT when he gets home. This will not only make him feel wanted, but get you psyched too.
Try looking forward to sex, and make time for it when you are not so tired. Maybe take the day off together and get a babysitter and spend a romantic day in a hotel, and just focus on enjoying your husband. You need to focus on your pleasure, and showing him you that he gives you pleasure.
Bottom line is it is your responsibility to change your experience during sex, the more you look forward to it, the more you will enjoy it, stop laying there and expecting your husband to do all the work.

Will Never Marry A Woman June 3, 2010, 11:20 PM

Modern women are manipulative, lying, selfish, narcissistic, dependent, weak little crybabies.

Marriage rates are plummeting, because men are getting smart and refusing to marry.

  • Divorce rates near 50%
  • Over 70% of divorces are initiated by women
  • 9 out of 10 times, the mother is awarded custody
  • Men: she can cheat on you, file for divorce, take half your assets, levy child support against you, and leave you with the attorney’s bill - and you did nothing wrong (well, except for being stupid enough to wed).
  • Divorce means losing half his assets, all of his kids, and 18 years of child support for kids he’ll only see a few days out of the month
  • Divorced men are 5 times more likely to commit suicide
  • Men are perpetually portrayed as bumbling idiots in the media with advertisements like, “The new AOL is so easy, even dumb old Dad can figure it out!” - Never mind that dear old dad busts tail 40 hours a week to pay for the AOL, the computer, the electricity run it, and the house to use it in.
  • Every day in the United States, 50 employees are killed doing their jobs - 49 of those 50 are MEN!
  • Many new fathers try to help with child rearing but are often shut out or patronized by the territorial new mother, because everything must be done exactly her way.
  • You court a woman who seems genuinely interested in you and in real intimacy only to marry her and find out she’s really making a grocery list in her head while your trying to make love to her. Classy.





Back to top >>
advertisement