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Five Things I NEVER Thought I'd Do

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Mom confesses her motherly sins. Problem is, she's an atheist.

Momlogic's Momstrosity: There's nothing like a little hands-on experience to humble you. Before I was I mom, I was so quick to judge my friends' parenting prowess. Here's me, back in the day:

Can you just believe the way Susan just parks her kids in front of the T.V? It's so sad. She's barely a mother.

Now, here's me, coming home with my kid after a long day at work:

Okay, kid what's it going to be? A Pixar marathon or Ingmar Bergman's "Fanny and Alexander" (running time five hours!) Don't worry, she always opts for "Monster's Inc."

Need more examples of how I've dropped the parenting ball? Here are my top five (so far). And please, don't judge me. 

  1. I have knowingly left my kid in a poo diaper, praying my husband will be the first one to acknowledge the stench. Strange, he never questions why I'm walking around the house in a gas mask.

  2. I misuse timeouts -- occasionally doling them out for minor infractions -- just to get couple minutes to myself to check my email. Or get a couple hours of much needed beauty rest.

  3. I forego washing my child's filthy, stringy hair because frankly, I don't always have the energy to go through a watery bathtub battle.

  4. I use promises of ice cream and candy as bribes to head off restaurant tantrums -- and then don't deliver the goods. My kid should really break my legs for reneging on our deals.

  5. I am needy and pathetic. I'm constantly asking and giving hugs and kisses to my kid. If she were a guy I was dating she'd never return my calls. 

next: LoJack Your Kid
12 comments so far | Post a comment now
Gilly September 16, 2008, 6:40 PM

Very funny and true. My oldest has a terminal illness and I’ve known since she was 4 weeks old that I wouldn’t have her long (I’ve had her longer than I thought I ever would). But even with the knowledge that I should cherish ever single solitary second those “mom sins” happen. With my youngest, please, I’m guilty of all of them (well, not the hair one, I have a thing about that!). Being a mom is tough work and even when you give 110% you make selfish mistakes. My big sin? Takeout or drive thru. Yup unhealthy unhealthy unhealthy but if I can pretend deep fried french fries are still considered vegetable like once or twice a week, well… I’m all for a little sinning. Let she who is without a stray french fry in her minivan cast the first stone!

Anonymous September 16, 2008, 6:59 PM

My biggest sin was my punishment……when my daughter misbehaved, I’d say to her, “Well that’s it, NOW we’re NOT going to Sea World” sometimes I’d say Disney just to mix it up. Thing was I never had any intention of going to either of the places, but it worked….sad I know. Now that she’s 13 that one doesn’t work…

JaniceV September 16, 2008, 7:18 PM

might i say you don’t sound like a very good mother. And i HAVE kids.

Katie September 16, 2008, 10:41 PM

My daughter is 10 months old.. so no timeouts or things like that.. but I admit that my hubby and I will have a stalemate for a couple minutes, pretending not to smell the dirty diaper. But it never lasts more than a couple minutes, I would never leave her in it!

And I’ll forego the bath occasionally, opting for every 3rd day instead of every 2nd… but that’s because she’s 10 months old and rarely gets that “dirty”. When she’s older and dirtier, I won’t let her go without if she needs it. I wouldn’t let it get filthy!

Trina September 17, 2008, 8:39 AM

too funny. after a long and sometimes hard day we sit on the couch and watch 30 minutes of tv too….he’s happy and i get a little refresher time to get all the stress out, i think it helps me not get so aggitated at the little things that all toddlers do.

Anonymous September 17, 2008, 11:04 AM

I parked my kid in front of TV to get housework done.

Anonymous September 17, 2008, 8:50 PM

Although these aren’t “mom best practices” I think good motherhood depends more on the character (attitude) of the care you give your children than the particulars (day care or no, health food or no, etc). I think most moms could come up with a list of “negatives” about their parenting if they tried.

K.P. September 26, 2008, 1:34 PM

I have two toddlers, a 3 year old son and and 2 year old daughter. So my life is crazy, not to mention I’m in college in the evenings.

I have learned that the tv can be my best friend at times. They love to watch the educational cartoons and have really learned a lot from them. I have no regrets that they watch television during the day, on and off. They also play in their rooms together. We have park days and outings, but when I have midterms or just need to get stuff done around the house, it is my saving grace.

As for the other things, we are all guilty of them. Even if we don’t want to admit it out loud to others.

Anonymous October 5, 2008, 3:33 PM

I remember thinking, when I was pregnant, that I wouldn’t give my daughter tons of tv time, after all, i wasn’t allowed to when I was little.


Now, I’m always the first to change a poo diaper, and there are few things I enjoy more than an all out splash-fight in the tub. But the TV, I’m there. I do try, hard as I can to not lie to my daughter though.

My mom was a liar and I vowed I would always tell the truth to her…so far I have. Still anticipating this will go when the dog dies…hmmm.

Amber April 18, 2009, 1:44 AM

I have decided that mothers who supposedly never do things like this aren’t really human beings, they are aliens wearing skin-like rubber suits who are here on a mission to guilt the rest of us into trying to improve the human condition.

Hadda January 16, 2010, 5:50 AM

Do you know how many times i always discovered the poop and kept quiet until my hubby discovers it? LOL!!! Let him deal with it for a change.

Rogelio Mintken December 3, 2010, 10:16 PM

I want to be wishing you the best and would like to thank you for the article.

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