Can Cheating Save Your Marriage?

Can Cheating Save Your Marriage?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Absolutely, says the founder of an online service that helps people commit adultery.

noel biderman ceo ashley madison silhouette click to reaveal

There's a controversial Web site out there called Ashley Madison that's essentially a matchmaking service for cheaters. Its slogan? "Life is short, have an affair." To date, it has 2,490,000 members and counting. And it was created by--get this--a married father of two.

Here's how it works: Anyone can log on to the site and for a one-time fee of $49, users create a private profile to send e-mails, chat and wink--much like a mainstream dating service. The only difference is that the so-called daters are all married. Because, according to the owners, cheating is "a serious and emotional decision," there is no recurring monthly fee, and users can come and go as they please. When the credit card arrives, Ashley Madison is labeled as an innocuous charge. Says one momlogic staffer: "I signed up to see if guys would really respond--and queries from married men were flooding my inbox within 30 minutes. And they didn't stop coming--every 20 minutes, another would pop up."

Here are some real solicitations from married men:

• "To be honest, I am not looking to leave my wife but I do miss having a sexual connection in my life. My wife completely lost her sex drive since birth of our child. I love to please women and I'm very generous in bed. Plus I'll always respect your boundaries."

• "I love to have sex but my wife and I don't do it nearly enough. I'm looking for someone who can meet up once or twice a week. We don't always have to go to a hotel, we can just enjoy each others' company...I'm a very social guy, and I love meeting new people. I've got a strong sexual appetite, and I typically will go for an hour or more. Not trying to brag, but I really do like to savor the experience. Sex is always best when you're keeping it interesting and I consider myself very adventurous in the bedroom. If all this sounds interesting to you, let's get to know each other!"

• "I'm your typical executive who is looking for something more. I value trust, honesty, and above all, discretion. I am hoping to find married women who have no desire to leave their husbands but just want to add some fun to their life. I love an intelligent and opinionated woman...If you are interested in having an open, trusting and ongoing affair, then please feel free to write me. Thanks for your time."

We spoke to Noel Biderman, the 37-year-old aforementioned married father of two and Chief Operating Officer of Ashley Madison, on the state of marriage today and why he created such a controversial service.

Find out if this married Ashley Madison founder and father of two is a cheater as well.

124 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

What is the point of staying married? If you want to cheat…it’s simple, do the right thing and leave. Oh, or stay miserable for the rest of your life. Life is short…I don’t buy the BS of staying in a marriage because it’s to tough to leave or because of the kids. Reality check…it’s worse for your kids to see you in a bad marriage. Grow up and get out if you’re not happy and obviously you would not be a cheater if you were!

- Teri

Posted 09/06/08 12:33 AM

Maybe just maybe you are looking for someone or something to fulfill a deeper void in yourself. Being an adult isn’t having fredom to do what you want. It’s the freedom to do whats right. If you don’t want to be faithful then don’t get married!!! That green grass on the other side must be cut too.

- Anonymous

Posted 09/06/08 12:46 AM

I’ve been faithfully married to my best friend for 18 years. I would be hurt to know my husband stepped out for sex, but if I found out he cheated on me, I would be more offended that he took a risk with his health, and in that turn with MINE by straying. A relationship is about respect and trust. One in four people have a sexually transmitted disease, and condoms aren’t 100% fool proof. These people who “discreetly cheat”…no telling what they bring home to their married partners. That’s d*mn scary when you think about it.

- Cora

Posted 09/06/08 12:49 AM

Cheri, How about trying reverse psychology on your husband? I think your pushing too hard, and he would take the lead if you didn’t make it such a big issue (which it is), but take a vow to not bring up sex talk, and wear some Clothes to bed…don’t be so easy…try it for a good 2 months & see what happens? I think you’ll see sparks of desire in his eyes & it’ll be worth it.

- Heidi

Posted 09/06/08 12:49 AM

Just because you have sex with someone else, doesn’t have to mean you want to leave your spouse. It’s like vacation…you love where you live, love your house…but a few times a year, you want to go somewhere else…for a little fun. Doesn’t mean you are going to sell your house. But, if your not happy in all other aspects with your spouse…then why cheat…just leave.

- Bill

Posted 09/06/08 12:52 AM

ITS ALL ABOUT THE STRANGE!!!!! YEEAAHH YEAH!!!!!!!

- RLC

Posted 09/06/08 01:00 AM

I am a cheater, though my spouse knows.He doesn’t prefer it, but he gave me his blessing. Is it cheating if they know? It IS adultery. However, there are certain things my husband will not do in bed, that every so often I crave. I am always safe, I see my ob/gyn regularly, and my husband benefits quite often from it. It gives him alone time, a loving wife, and makes me more grateful for his lovemaking. The thing is, I cheat when I just want to get screwed and do something kinky. But my husband is the only man I make love to.

- Sunnshine

Posted 09/06/08 01:01 AM

ITS ALL ABOUT THE STRANGE!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEAAHHH YEEAAHH!!!!

- RLC

Posted 09/06/08 01:03 AM

My wife and I are in the lifestyle (swingers) and have an open marriage. Why cheat on your spouse when you can do it together! It has greatly spiced up our sex lives and we are happier for it. Its not for everyone..but its been great for us!

- Bob

Posted 09/06/08 01:07 AM

Very disappointing to say the least..some of the posts talk about a division in the marriage or the lack of sexual interest of thier partner as an excuse..wake up, ever think the problem is YOU being insensitive? Relationships are like rose gardens, if you don’t take care of them, nasty weeds creep in and kill it, just like a marriage. If you have to cheat, get a divorce, get out, move out, whatever, but have some character and dignity..and now a website to encourage infidelity…and charge you LOL…the next website will be pay us to show you how to get your ex back after you cheated..they guy who created this site? what a bum and loser, too bad he will make millions off this

- Dr Ron Tripp

Posted 09/06/08 01:12 AM

rlc you’re an a*s!

- John

Posted 09/06/08 01:16 AM

This guys a genious!!! I wish I had thought of it.

- RLC

Posted 09/06/08 01:20 AM

I won’t presume to tell other people how they should handle their own relationships. If a couple mutually agrees to have secret affairs, that‘s their business. Certainly an exclusive, one-on-one sexual relationship is relatively uncommon throughout human history. But to me, it seems a very different issue to tell your loved one, “I only have eyes for you,” and then have sexual relations with someone else. To me, that seems a fundamental betrayal of trust. And that can spell the end of the relationship you already have, even if your partner doesn’t actually learn of the affair. Even if your primary partner doesn’t know about it, you know you betrayed your loved one.

- Alden Loveshade

Posted 09/06/08 01:21 AM

WHOMEVER THOUGHT OF THIS WEBSITE PROBARLY DIDNT KNOW THE PROS AND CONS OF IT ALL SURE THE CHEATING THEY THINK IS GOOD IF THEY CANT FIND WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR THEY WILL GO ELSE WHERE BUT AT THE SAMETIME CHEATING N JEALOUSY LIES SPLIT ANY COUPLE/ANYONE APAET WHAT IF THE COUPLE ARE IN LOVE LOVE GROW OLD TOGETHER WHAT THEN U EXPECT THEM TO CHEAT ON THEIR SPOUSE THEN THIS SITE IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT SATISIFY WITH THE ONE THEY ARE WITH. WHEN U CHEAT ON UR SPOUSE IT ISNT LOVE ITS LUST HOW DOES THAT MAKE U LOOK AS A HUMAN WHEN ONE DAY IF U FIND A PERSON WHOME U CAN SHARE EVERYTHING WITH BOTH OF U TALK ABOUT REALTIONSHIPS AND STUFF THEY LISTEN TO UR STORIES ABOUT CHEATING THEY ARE NOT GOING TO STICK AROUND THEN U LOOSE OUT ON A GOOD THING U HAD REGRET IT WISH U DIDNT F$%K UP CHEATERS ARE NOTHING BUT BUNCH OF SCREW UPS PATETHIC IF U CANT BE SERIOUS FUN HEALTHY WITH YOURSELF THEN YOUR NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH WHOMEVER U FIND TO HAVE A HOOK UP LATER ON IN LIFE NOW AFTER DOING THE CHEATING SO MUCH SO LONG DEEEP DOWN UR GOING TO FEEL LONELY UNHAPPY MISERABLE MAKE YOUR HEART AND URSELOF FEEL OLD N GRAY WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY UR NOT CUZ THEY FOUND THAT ONE TRUE PERSON U DIDNT. U NEVER SAY U LOVE UR HOOKUP THEN GO TELL UR GF/BF U LOVE THEM U BASE UR LIES AND CHEATS ON SAYING ANYTHING TO MAKE THE PERSON BELIEVE WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR JUST SO U CAN GET DOWN THERE PANTS. LOW SELF EESTEEM LACK OF CONFIDENCE CHEATERS HAVE HOW CAN ANYONE TRUST A CHEATER WHEN THEY JUST MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK BAD LOW LIFERS ONE DAY WHEN U DO IF U DO FIND THAT ONE PERSON THE TABLES WILL TURN AND U WILL GET THE TASTE OF UR OWM MEDICINE SOMEONE WILL BEAT U AT YOUR OWN GAME HOW U GONNA FEEL THEN. HOW CAN U GAIN A CHEATERZ TRUST WHEN THAT IS ALL U DO U CANT WHOS GONNA LIKE U THEN.

- P

Posted 09/06/08 01:24 AM

some dudes are too cheap to pay a hooker?

- natasha

Posted 09/06/08 01:25 AM

Surprisingly, this isn’t the only site like this out there. AdultFriendFinder is another site like this. It is more X-rated, but along the same lines.

- Anonymous

Posted 09/06/08 01:25 AM

Hey P, Take a writing class. Ever heard of punctuation? LOL!!

- RLC

Posted 09/06/08 01:29 AM

We have been married for 23 years and I plan to take care of my wife forever. However, 5 years ago she was found to have a non life threatening but VERY physically debillitating sickness. I work, clean, shop,cook and take care of all her additional needs that have come with this. Maybe…. according to some of you, I should divorce her and leave her to finn for herself, - by herself. I love and respect her and will never let her experience that. Right or wrong, I belong to this site and can honestly say that it works for me and allows me keep the “till death do we part” clause of our contract intact. My wife wants for nothing except to walk again. I can not give that to her but if I could, I would. I have always had a very high sex drive and enjoy the finer things adult life has to offer. This site allows me to do just that and and I feel I am no less a Man for it. On the contrairy, I would feel like the scum some people have talked about here if I was to just leave her and her medical problems (divorce). By the way, I let her know every day that I will be there for her and she has nothing to worry about but trying to get better. Say what you want, I deserve to take care of myself and my needs in this life. Thanks Ashley

- rbb

Posted 09/06/08 01:29 AM

GUESS WHAT ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE FOUNDER TRY TO BREAK UP A MARRIAGE OR BF/GF THING TRY TO RUIN SOMETHING GOOD JUST BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING GOOD THEY ARE LONELY MISERABLE AND BITTER HERE COMES THE DIVORCE I WOULDNT BE SURPRISED IF SOMEONE TIRED THIS POS WEBSITE PAID THERE LOUSY 50 BUCKS THE FOUNDER OF HTE WEBSITE GETS SMACK WITH A LAWSUIT WHY PAY 50 BUCKS TO CHEAT ONLINE THROUGH WHEN PEOPLE DO IT IN CHATROOM FOR FREE AND IN REAL LIFE ACUTAL REALITY. DUHHHH 95% OF THE POPULATION ARE BRAIN DEAD PLAIN STUPID

- P

Posted 09/06/08 01:31 AM

I don’t understand why these folks even bother getting married in the first place. Stay single and screw like dogs then! With things the way they are, who would even want to bother with a relationSHIT!

- Tunsis

Posted 09/06/08 01:32 AM