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Can Cheating Save Your Marriage?

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Absolutely, says the founder of an online service that helps people commit adultery.

noel biderman ceo ashley madison silhouette click to reaveal

There's a controversial Web site out there called Ashley Madison that's essentially a matchmaking service for cheaters. Its slogan? "Life is short, have an affair." To date, it has 2,490,000 members and counting. And it was created by--get this--a married father of two.

Here's how it works: Anyone can log on to the site and for a one-time fee of $49, users create a private profile to send e-mails, chat and wink--much like a mainstream dating service. The only difference is that the so-called daters are all married. Because, according to the owners, cheating is "a serious and emotional decision," there is no recurring monthly fee, and users can come and go as they please. When the credit card arrives, Ashley Madison is labeled as an innocuous charge. Says one momlogic staffer: "I signed up to see if guys would really respond--and queries from married men were flooding my inbox within 30 minutes. And they didn't stop coming--every 20 minutes, another would pop up."

Here are some real solicitations from married men:

"To be honest, I am not looking to leave my wife but I do miss having a sexual connection in my life. My wife completely lost her sex drive since birth of our child. I love to please women and I'm very generous in bed. Plus I'll always respect your boundaries."

• "I love to have sex but my wife and I don't do it nearly enough. I'm looking for someone who can meet up once or twice a week. We don't always have to go to a hotel, we can just enjoy each others' company...I'm a very social guy, and I love meeting new people. I've got a strong sexual appetite, and I typically will go for an hour or more. Not trying to brag, but I really do like to savor the experience. Sex is always best when you're keeping it interesting and I consider myself very adventurous in the bedroom. If all this sounds interesting to you, let's get to know each other!"

"I'm your typical executive who is looking for something more. I value trust, honesty, and above all, discretion. I am hoping to find married women who have no desire to leave their husbands but just want to add some fun to their life. I love an intelligent and opinionated woman...If you are interested in having an open, trusting and ongoing affair, then please feel free to write me. Thanks for your time."

We spoke to Noel Biderman, the 37-year-old aforementioned married father of two and Chief Operating Officer of Ashley Madison, on the state of marriage today and why he created such a controversial service.

Find out if this married Ashley Madison founder and father of two is a cheater as well.


next: Stand Up to Cancer
147 comments so far | Post a comment now
RLC September 6, 2008, 2:24 AM

UH OH!
SHE is going to have my head.
My appologies.

Lisa September 6, 2008, 2:24 AM

It is sad that people have no respect for themselves anymore. At least a few men are decent enought to be faithful to their wives!

Cinn  September 6, 2008, 3:04 AM

some of you people are really nuts…… cheating is not about having sex its about being deceitful…. im an open minded woman.. if my husband wants to have sex with someone else then ask me and we can work something out together so we all benefit… if you do it behind my back i cant trust you and then the marriage is over…. there are so many alternatives to “cheating”.. different ways of swinging or permission or participation in some way to keep things fun but honest… a real man would know this.

Anonymous September 6, 2008, 3:07 AM

… and another thing.. if you married a woman who doesnt have a similar libido to yours than you made your own bed and you deserve to be caught.. marry an openminded woman and you dont have to have secrets.

Anonymous September 6, 2008, 3:12 AM

it seems that everyone that did a comment has a lot of issues on their own lives . Which is fine but being a father of two don’t sit their and put the image of it’s OK to do the stuff you are all saying it’s ok to do out their. How would you feel if I was trying that stuff with your daughters? Not to amussing is it?

ja September 6, 2008, 3:18 AM

I havent read it all , but noone has said..his wife doesnt know. I am sure she knows something with the extra income coming in. I agree..passion erodes over the years…for many reasons…illness for one. Its unrealistic to believe that one person can satisfy all the needs of another forever. These scenarios have been going on since before any of us were born…and i am sure they will continue. Many unsatisfied relationships out there…we all know that. This site just speaks to another need. Lets get the emotions out of it..and be honest folks.

Julie September 6, 2008, 3:43 AM

What are you people thinking! Marriage is a commitment to eachother. If you cheat you need to no longer be married. It is also a mortal sin! If there isn’t sex in marriage try counseling first then get divorced if that doesn’t work.

What is wrong with this world today.

Mr T September 6, 2008, 3:53 AM

Hey ladies get over it. You marry for Money (who’s the last broke guy you stayed with) And we expect sex. When one goes away the marriage goes to crap.

been there September 6, 2008, 4:07 AM

There are very few men who DON”T cheat and the women are catching up fast to being the same. Men like to excuse their cheating by first stating that they love their wives or girlfriend then comes the BUT. But she doesn’t want to have sex as much as I do. But she doesn’t understand me. Or the “I am staying for the kids.” One thing I have learned is men will always justify their behavior with some phrase like “I am a man and I have needs.” As for those who say their women don’t want to have sex as often, for the most part that is bull, women are very sexual. You must not be doing something right or her gut told her the first time you cheated and she doesn’t have a desire anymore. It’s usually your faults when a woman doesn’t want sex anymore. Women have this built in thing and know when things have changed or you have cheated. Even if we can’t prove it we know. How would you expect her to act? I think that cheating is wrong and that is why when I divoriced in 1984 I have stayed unmarried. I am in control of my love life and if I don’t like the guy I say “Next.” Knowing all men cheat the only way that I would get married is if it’s worth it to me. If I am going to be cheated on I expect to be able to shop, have a beatiful home and if the marriage ends walk away with something besides more bad memories then good. You can’t stop a man from cheating but you can stop putting up with it without compensation. So to my men I say cheat on but you need to have a ton of money to keep me happy I am doing without. Ther is no way a man can cheat and still give a 100% to you. So he will have to make up for that % somehow. CASH WILL DO LOTS OF CASH. I love nice cloths and nice homes.

Anonymous September 6, 2008, 4:22 AM

The brokest man I was with was the best person I have ever been with. I think that is because we were in it for love. Then the betrayal came when he cheated and disrespected me by doing so. Of course had I done the same he would have wanted to go off on me. I would have been all kinds of this & that’s. It’s a one sided “boys club” cheating. Oh, I know women who cheat but they are labeled as ******. A man is patted on the back and asked if she was all that. So cheating is really wrong and it destroys families and relationships. Maybe the man might want to work on his relationship when things are getting rough instead of punking out and going to some other woman. It’s weak excuses they give for cheating and usually your told your the one failing at something. Well open your mouth and communicate and maybe you won’t have a relationship break down.

EDDY September 6, 2008, 4:32 AM

HEY TO ALL YOU SINGLE WOMEN IN SEXLESS RELATIONSHIPS. WE ARE A HOT, ADVENTUROUS COUPLE WITH A GREAT SEX LIFE LOOKING TO ADD A HOT SINGLE FEMALE TO OUR FUN. YES WE HAVE DONE THIS SEVERAL TIMES AND ALL HAVE HAD A GREAT TIME. LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST WHILE YOU CAN =)

Beverly September 6, 2008, 4:33 AM

BSHO GOT IT RIGHT! THE GUY FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY AND THAT’S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT—-MAKING HIM RICH! HA! YOU THINK HE’S DOING THIS TO “HELP” PEOPLE? TO “PROVIDE A SERVICE?” NO WAY! HE’S VERY SMART. NO CHARACTER, BUT VERY SMART. HE KNOWS THAT SEX SELLS AND HE’S FOUND AN EASY WAY TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY. I’LL BET IF HIS OWN WIFE CHEATED ON HIM, HE’D REACT JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE WOULD, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.

Beverly September 6, 2008, 4:47 AM

DAVID GOT IT, TOO! HE’S JUST IN IT FOR THE MONEY! TRUE, IT’S A LOWLIFE WAY TO MAKE THAT MONEY, BUT THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT. IT’S A BUSINESS. SLEAZY, BUT IT IS A BUSINESS. THE GUY HAS NO MORALS, NO VALUES, NOTHING INSIDE, BUT HE PROBABLY DOESN’T CARE—-HE’S GETTING VERY RICH FROM THIS AND COULDN’T CARE LESS WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF HIM. I’M JUST SURPRISED HE ALLOWED HIS PICTURE TO BE SEEN—-IF THAT’S HIM. SOME PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY AND HE’S ONE OF THEM.

Anonymous September 6, 2008, 5:07 AM

and this is all ok????…is it also ok to set an example for kids and teens that sex is just sex and the selfish needs of a horny individual should be fulfilled and all is ok?…i have not been to this website, and it may have age restrictions on it….but this news article can be read by anyone…what does this say to our future leaders and law makers….as far as i am concerned ….its all quite pathetic…not only is there no such thing as common sense anymore but there is also no respect for others or for that matter ….self respect…

annie September 6, 2008, 6:03 AM

cheaters don’t need this website to cheat….they can go to other regular match-making sites and do the same like adult friend finder. I have met men who either claim to be “single” and others who str8 up say they are unhappily married and want a physical/sexual relationship. if people want to cheat they will do it on the web or out in the real world.

Cheri September 6, 2008, 8:57 AM

Heidi,
I tried what you said for 4 years. That didn’t work either. The guy is a virtual sexual camel. The only time he’s ever ‘up’ for the occassion is when I give him oral sex and then he still doesn’t touch me. That’s why I think he’s lying about the E.D. I think he’s just selfish to tell you the truth. It’s just so frustrating. When I try to discuss our situation with him he just changes the subject. Trust me, I’m not a nag, never have been. I just don’t get what’s going on with him. He won’t open up about it much. I’ve never known a man like him. He NEVER initiates any contact at all. I’ve asked him if he wants out. He says no. I told him that I would just have been happy having loved him and shared all the good years together that we did have. He says he loves me and wants to grow old with me. We are only 46. I know that I could never take another 40 years of this. Any other ideas? He even told me if I want sex that bad that I should just go get it somewhere else and just not tell him about it. I really don’t want to cheat. I don’t want to catch anything. Sex is not worth dying for.

praying4baby#2 September 6, 2008, 6:27 PM

This is SO WRONG on so many levels!!

Suzanne Eller September 6, 2008, 7:58 PM

$49 a person and there are over 2 million people signed up? Hmm. This isn’t about “saving your marriage” but lining the pocketbook of someone who has found a way to tap into an industry that hurts families while he collects cold hard cash.

Debbie September 6, 2008, 10:57 PM

I too was cheated on after a 10 year marriage - lucky for me. Now I won’t spend the rest of my life with slime. I have only one question. Where did you people get your morals? It’s not bad enought that your betraying the ONE person who is suppose to mean more to you than anyone else in this world, you actually have no remorse for your action! The only consulation to it all - there is a God (whether you all beleive it or not) and you may not have to answer to us for your SINS - and yes - infidelity is a SIN - HELLO PEOPLE. I get consulation in knowing that one day you will all have to answer for your despicable behavior - I’m sure your parents would be very proud of the wonderful human beings you’ve all turned out to be!

Anonymous September 12, 2008, 7:28 PM

Can Cheating Save Your Marriage?

Well, according to women: if you’re a woman, yes. What the hell, you deserve a good time! If your man can’t give it to you, he’s an a-hole and you should get it. Girl Power!

If you’re a man, you’re a miserable a$$hole with issues and mom logic, oprah, etc. will run a piece on you about how all husbands cheat and men are worthless.

Let me know how that all-female society is coming along.


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