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Can Cheating Save Your Marriage? (page 2)

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Continued from Can Cheating Save Your Marriage?

noel biderman ceo ashley madison

Momlogic: You're married with two children--does this mean you cheat as well?
Noel Biderman: I've only been married for five years, but I see how easy it is to cheat--the first year of marriage, the birth of your first baby, work stress--however, I am faithful. My wife has emotional and physical needs I must meet. If I don't, she may cheat on me. And believe me, I'd be crushed if that were to happen, but I'd also have to face the reasons why. I don't believe in 'til death do you part' if you're miserable. People believe they should stick out the marriage even if it's killing them. That's no way to live.

ML: Why did you create Ashley Madison?
NB: I didn't invent cheating--it's been around since the dawn of time. I am simply creating an easy platform for people to stray. Ashley Madison doesn't provide alibis or any sort of screening. We just connect people, then let them make their own decisions. However, we do have fraud detection and an anti-harassment policy so users can report people who abuse the system. We also encourage building a rapport with a person before going offline and taking things to the next level. It's just not safe to hand out your personal e-mail address to someone you just met.

ML: Are you helping or hurting marriages?
NB: For some people, cheating allows them to be a better spouse. If you're going through a rough patch in your marriage or are sexually frustrated, finding a quick outlet can help. And I get thanked for it every day. Many people write to me saying Ashley Madison has saved their marriage--and that without the opportunity to stray, they would be divorced by now. But I also get my share of hate mail. Some people think I am the devil.

ML: Do all men cheat?
NB: At one point or another, both men and women have cheated on their significant other. Why? Because we're human. And if you can have an affair and know for sure you won't get caught, most people would commit adultery. Marriage is unnatural--for some reason we believe we're supposed to have only one partner for life. For those who can remain faithful for years and years, that's amazing. For most people, it's impossible.

ML: Who is your typical Ashley Madison customer?
NB: Seventy percent of our users are men, but women are logging on in droves. Our research found women are joining the site after one or two years of marriage, while men wait until five or seven years. It could be because many women want to get married young and when they finally do, many realize it's not what they signed up for. Men join our site later because in general, they have more outlets to channel their sexual energy--strip clubs, for example. However, most people cheat when something isn't right in the relationship. Everyone has needs, and it's a struggle to spend your life trying to meet someone else's. Cheating isn't about finding someone better looking. It's about not getting your needs met--that's when people cheat.

ML: What can you tell readers about the warning signs of a cheater?
NB: If you notice your partner acting dramatically different, suddenly working late, or acting distant, it's usually a telltale sign. Some people want to be caught because they're too scared to end their marriage--and for others it's a cry to save it. But we're too hard on cheaters. If Elizabeth Edwards can forgive her husband for straying, the world can, too.

three ashley madison users silhouetted

Don't miss these shocking Ashley Madison client confessions to take a poll about what you'd do if your husband logged on.

5 comments so far | Post a comment now
bee September 6, 2008, 1:29 AM

i really think people should watch out, this is just an agent of satan in human form…anybody that can say marriage is unnatural (ordained by God, mind you!) is obviously agasint God. Such a person is in danger of hell fire..Ashley Madison or whatever your name is, i urge you to stop what you’re doing before you get burnt…

mimsy September 6, 2008, 2:00 AM

Life is short, but that is no excuse for abandoning your spouse. Marriage is a learning journey. The one constant is that things change. Stick it out in the hard times, they too shall pass. Loving unconditionally is part of self awareness. Sometimes you have to be patient and communicate honestly. It is not a reflex, you need to learn how to do it. Instant gratification is one way to avoid your adventure of self awareness. Commit to making choices that support each other, even if you don’t agree. It takes all sorts to make up this world. Honor yourself by honoring the uniqueness of your spouse and your common bonds. It is essential to work together. If there are challenges the union will deepen while you both work together to support each other.

Sarah September 12, 2008, 2:22 PM

Ironic that cheaters will require “honesty” from their cheating partner. Do you really expect “honesty” from another cheater when you are not being honest with your own mate! When a person takes wedding vows, that is a serious promise to his or her mate, to family and friends, and most importantly to God. A cheater proves that a man/woman is only as good as his/her word. As someone who was cheated on (we had a great sex life…everyday), do your marriage partner a favor and leave first. At least respect them enough to do that, especially with so many STD’s out there. At some point, the great majority of cheaters are found out and it is devastating to the partner being faithful and expecting the same.

tabletki na pryszcze April 3, 2011, 7:18 AM

Very interesting info, i am waiting for more !!! Keep updating your site and you will have a lot o readers

electronic cigarette April 8, 2011, 3:45 PM

You made some good points here.Keep us up to date. What template do you use in your website

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