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Caught Having Spongebob Sex

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Guest blogger NorEastMom: We're OK, kids, Daddy just dropped the soap ...

couple in shower poking heads out of curtain

I thought being walked in on while I was having sex by my children would be as bad as walking in on my parents as a kid. Thank God it wasn't.

My son caught us recently while we were trying to have what my husband and I refer to as "Spongebob Sex." Usually there is a need for this because you planned to have sex Friday night, then were too tired and had a low desire for it after the bottle of wine and bad Netflix movie (which always leads to the "who's in charge of maintaining our queue?" argument). Next morning, the kids are rolled up in blankets watching cartoons. Both of my children wouldn't flinch if a Molotov cocktail sailed thorough the living room window as long as their favorite show is on. So, we decide it's a perfect time for Spongebob Sex, also known as: Dora sex, or Pokemon sex (ouch).

So my husband and I jumped in the shower one morning, locked the door, which we never do otherwise, and began to do the shower thing. Shower sex is fun for us because we are both severely myopic and once our glasses are off, we both look about 15 years younger. Just don't ask either of us to read the shampoo instructions. Suddenly, right in the first few seconds of our mission, we hear, "Mom? Dad?" We didn't hear this voice from outside the door, though, or from downstairs. We heard our six-year-old son's voice from the other side of the shower curtain!

Our heads simultaneously flew out of opposite ends of the shower curtain. I imagine we must have looked like a wet two-headed parent monster. "Yeah, buddy? What's up? How's it going, how've you been? Having fun? How's Spongebob? Patrick?" If we talk fast enough, maybe he won't notice we're buck naked.

"Mom, Dad, that was so close! I saved you guys! You guys were LOCKED in here. So I took Dad's little screwdriver from the junk drawer and popped the handle on the door, just like you did when the baby was locked in! Aren't you glad I rescued you? I'm a rescue hero!"

"Yeah, buddy, really glad. Thanks." We didn't have the heart to tell him that the only thing he might have rescued us from was an unexpected screaming new sibling, because my husband forgot to grab a condom. Lesson to all: Don't let your sons watch MacGyver reruns if you want to get lucky.


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24 comments so far | Post a comment now
no-sex-yet September 26, 2008, 1:50 PM

That is just great.At least got a partner who willing to try.

Linney5680 September 26, 2008, 1:55 PM

TOO FUNNY! we have all been there!

Leelee September 26, 2008, 4:27 PM

Gee, and I always felt guilty when we stole away to have “Dora sex”, nice to know we’re normal! Sometimes you’ve just gotta do it when the mood strikes!

TOM September 27, 2008, 2:55 PM

CAN WE TRY MELMO SEX OR GUMMIES SEX????

D Jones September 27, 2008, 11:53 PM

Too funny. One day we stole away to the bathroom while our daughter was busy watching TV. Next thing we hear is, Hey Dad, why are your shorts on the floor? She was looking through the crack under the door. Talk about a mood breaker. It was funny none the less. Kids, gotta love ‘em.

Anonymous September 29, 2008, 4:51 PM

You guys are sick ninded pervs

james October 7, 2008, 7:14 PM

I used to watch mom and dad have sex all the time growing up

Ryan  October 15, 2008, 3:13 PM

How do I win stuff

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marshmallow May 21, 2009, 5:56 PM

i see alot of people having sex

Aaron October 10, 2009, 5:52 PM

Thank you for correctly using the term “buck” naked, rather than “butt” naked. It restores my faith in the human race.

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