Guest blogger Paul Starke: On Friday, Grandma #1 comes to visit from Canada, which will be slightly annoying but manageable. The next day, however, Grandma #2 is popping in as well, from Boston. We are facing the perfect storm of Grandmas -- a category 5 disaster.
Let me be clear -- my Mom and my mother-in-law are exceptional women -- they raised six kids between the two of them, so they know their stuff. They just seem to have forgotten it recently. This week's Daddy Dozen: The 12 Things I Love/Hate About Grandmother Visits.
1. They hold the baby like a bobblehead doll. OK, I'm new to the parenting thing, but even a doofus like me knows that an infant needs his head supported.
2. They bring us useless crap. Sorry, but there's only so many tiny Red Sox jerseys the baby needs, especially since we live in NEW YORK.
3. They scoff at "newfangled" ideas like hand washing and bottle sterilizing. Apparently, keeping the Ebola virus out of our son's mouth is being "overprotective."
4. They wear way too much perfume. Call me crazy, but I don't want our son to smell like Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds.
5. They keep saying, "He doesn't look like you at all." Granted, that's a good thing. But still irritating to hear.
6. They tell embarrassing stories about you. Really, what do you say when your Mom tells anyone who'll listen about how you soiled your Spider-Man Underoos?
OK, NOW THAT'S OUT OF MY SYSTEM, I FEEL MUCH BETTER. HERE ARE THE THINGS I LOVE:
7. They're always up for babysitting, no matter what. Plus, they won't eat everything in your fridge.
8. They love the baby more than they love us. As soon as they get through the door, it's all about the kid, and they ignore my wife and I.
9. They SOMETIMES buy USEFUL crap. If my mom hadn't got us the crib, the baby would be asleep on a pile of dryer sheets.
10. They kept all of our baby mementos. It will be nice to pass these along to my son: my first hockey sweater, my baby shoes, my bad report cards...
11. They are like baby whisperers. It's amazing how the soothing Grandma voice can have such a calming effect ... on me and the baby.
12. The look on their faces when they see the baby. After putting up with our nonsense for 30-plus years, it feels good to give them back some moments of pure joy.
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, An Inconvenient Book.|