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Dads Don't Make Good Moms

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Guest Blogger Mom DePlume: My husband is a good father--but not without my help.

Last night my husband read our 2-year-old daughter her bedtime story and then he put her to bed. Not bad daddy behavior, right? Wrong.

The next morning, at 6 a.m., when I heard our human alarm clock blaring  "Moooommmmmy,"  I found her in her crib, soaking wet and wearing her shorts and shirt from the day before. Turns out, before sending our toddler off to "Dozy Land," dad didn't make sure she had on a fresh diaper before tenderly placing her in bed in her street clothes. I saw the fresh jammies, right where I had left them on her nightstand. I was just a tad pissed.

So, imagine my amusement while reading an article in the New York Times--that very morning--that said single men answering their "biological clocks" are becoming fathers by surrogate or adoption more than ever.  After I got over the temptation to sop up my baby's pee-soaked crib with the newspaper, I read on...

Seems the most famous single dad to date is crooner Ricky Martin, now the father of twins born via surrogate.   According to his publicist, Ricky intends to be the sole parent. On the positive side, Mr. Martin will be able to teach his twins to belt out Livin' La Vida Loca--but he'll also be sending them out in freezing cold weather wearing flip-flops and serving them graham crackers for dinner. Ha! Ha! Isn't Daddy funny?

Hey, it's not just me saying dads don't always have the most--dare I say?--maternal instincts. A new study says single dads are much less likely to keep up with kids' regular checkups. Oh, and they suck at breastfeeding.

I'm sure there are dads out there that would make great single dads--I've just haven't met any. Am I just feeding into the old bumbling father stereotype? Yes. And you know why? Because:

NEWS FLASH: Some stereotypes are true.

Just ask my daughter--who slept in her clothes last night.

Unlikely Celeb Parents Famous Single Moms Celeb Daddy Daycare

next: Blue State Mom vs. Red State Mom
25 comments so far | Post a comment now
Linney5680 September 9, 2008, 9:42 AM

you need to get out alittle more often. i know PLENTY of men who would make great single fathers….for one, my own husband! he was a single father to a 2 year old when i met him, and he always made nutritious meals and was wonderful at everything else, and with our son he is perfect. i have no doubt that if somnething happens to me, my boys are in great hands.

Amy September 9, 2008, 10:28 AM

Cut him some slack!! So the diaper mishap sucks and should have been avoided. But come on, is it really a death sentence to have a child sleep in “street clothes”?? I’m sure you’ve NEVER been anything but a perfect parent.

JT September 9, 2008, 11:16 AM

I am happy to say my husband is a much better parent than I am! I love you, honey!

AMB September 9, 2008, 11:50 AM

I completely agree with you!!!! I wish my husband would be a great single dad - but I could probably have charges filed on me if I were to leave my daughters alone with him for more than a few hours at a time….We’ve been there with the full diapers at bedtime and feeding Cheetos for dinner and letting our 13 month old fall asleep while watching Lethal Weapon :o

SW September 9, 2008, 12:55 PM

I am sure you are a perfect mom who has never made a mistake. My husband is a stay-at-home dad, and its probably people like you who give him dirty looks at the playground. We need to get over gross generalizations. It is articles like this that make wonderful fathers like my husband’s jobs that much more difficult.

Anonymous September 9, 2008, 1:13 PM

SW, my husband is a stay at home dad too and gets those same looks! seriously! we feel your pain.

crunchy carpets September 9, 2008, 2:04 PM

.my kids sleep in their clothes all the time..the diaper thing is annoying yes..but the clothes??

I also think that all dads can be competent and good at daddying as well as mommying…

People do what they have to do when needed…if they figure YOU are in charge, they will think less for themselves…

I prefer equal thinking and decisions and have learned to accept my husbands way of parenting and doing things..

it works better that way..less sexist

helen September 9, 2008, 2:53 PM

As one of two daughters of a single father, I can not disagree enough with your gross generalization based on your husband’s shortcomings. Perhaps he behaved badly because he does not want to take care of your kids.

jeeez September 9, 2008, 3:04 PM

oh come on people who hasn’t shaken their head at their husband inept parenting skills? Some dads just don’t get it. And it’s okay they’re not wired that way. That’s why custody is usually given to the mother. duh.

Lori September 9, 2008, 10:32 PM

My dad raised me alone since I was six years old, because my MOTHER was unfit. He went to a lawyer, and fought for custody of me, because he knew I was being abused. He took me to all my doctor’s appointments, worked two jobs, kept the house clean, kept me clothed, made me take a bath at least every other day, went to all my school performances, and even took me places on the weekends like the zoo, the museum, amusement parks, roller skating, downtown, and even mini vacations. He delivered pizzas, and was a high school janitor, and managed to save enough money to pay for my college tuition and books. All this, AND he was handicapped. How dare you say a man is not fit to be a single father. I am sure he was a much better parent than you could ever HOPE to be.

A Cowboy's Wife September 9, 2008, 10:46 PM

It’s just nature for women to be better mother. That’s the way god intended it. I’m sure there are some great single dads out there though, I just havent’ met any of them either.

chantelle September 9, 2008, 11:12 PM

Oh yeah sure some guys suck at being dads but that’s not to say all guys are awful.

I have a gay best friend Darren who I know for a fact would make an amazing father (whether single or in a relationship) he is fantastic with kids & a very responsible man.

I also have 2 male friends who are straight who are amazing with kids & I know for a fact they have their heads screwed on enough to be able to look after a child/children on their own (if they so wanted to)

I know for a fact Ricky will be an AMAZING father to his twin boys he is a great guy with brains & a gentle nature he LOVES kids & has a good paternal instinct (I’ve seen him with kids many times)

Don’t say all guys are useless ‘cause they’re not that’s just sexist sh*t

Anna September 9, 2008, 11:30 PM

I don’t think Her husband stepped up to the plate because, he did not have to. The auther is there to take care of her kids. Often the mother is the one who takes over the child care.
This is the same if you were to take in a freind who needed a place to stay and said “Get a job when you can”. You know that they are not going to put much effort into getting one; because, you are already caring for all their needs with no pressure to do anything other then mooch.
Often the Mother does not push her husband in pulling his weight with caring for “Their” children. This leads to the Father not feeling any urgency to do what he feels is His wifes job.
If you notice most of the time the mother is the major caregiver for the children and from what the article says that is the case in this situation. I bet that if the auther of this article were to leave for a week and put the children in their husband’s care; He would surprise them. Instead of Mommy cleaning up the messy diaper in the morning, he would have to. Chances are Daddy would not forget so easily again(for at least the rest of the week).

Sharon September 10, 2008, 12:25 AM

Anna, I was basically going to say the same thing. And I’ve heard women who gripe about their husbands but then don’t allow them to ever BE that kind of parent (some times barely let them be parents at all). Much like children (tee hee, I didn’t mean it like some will take it, but oh well) if you don’t let them try they won’t learn.
I know of 2 ‘women’ right off that don’t have that “nature” either Cowboy’s Wife…how I wish it were true! I wish we were all born with it or at least it came automatically with children!!

Melissa September 10, 2008, 1:05 AM

My dad raised my sister, brother and I all by himself, and I belive he did one heck of a great job. When I say he did it himself I mean my mother was completely out of the picture and there were no aunts, uncles or grandparents near by to help.
We never missed doctor or dentist appointments, we always had clothes and food, and we were a lot cleaner kids than some of the ones with mothers.
My dad is a way better parent/person than a lot of woman out there and I take a great deal of offence when you say that men can’t do it on there own because so many have.

GS September 10, 2008, 9:50 AM

Perhaps it is not the men who are deficient, but your decision-making skills. YOU chose your husband. If YOUR child’s father is a terrible parent, well, YOU are the one who decided to birth his offspring.

I have been a gestational surrogate for gay men. There is no doubt that the children I brought into this world are all cared for completely. Physically and emotionally. They are all loved beyond measure. But, then, perhaps my decision-making skills are better than yours.

Starr September 10, 2008, 8:52 PM

I don’t believe the sexist bs in this article! Who says that women are the Only ones that can raise a child right? It’s b.s. if you claim that it’s nature, that it’s the way it was intended.
As for custody being given to the mom - what rock have you been living under? Men have been getting custody of their children due to the mother’s being out of control or abandoning them.
Guess you don’t watch the news.
I know of several men in my life, including my brother and cousin that are excellent single parents. Both times the mothers just left claiming that they couldn’t handle the stress of dealing with children. They wanted their freedom. My brother even took custody of his ex-wife’s second child when she asked him to. He adopted the child and has been a fabulous father.
I’m insulted by this narrowminded viewpoint and some of those that agree with it. We are all individuals, no one should dump on all just because of a few. Men have been stepping up and becoming better parents than some mothers - I know a few of them too. No natural maternal skills in these women, they want nothing to do with the whole deal.
As for GS BRAVO! You are selfless and generous with the love you gave birth to. For all children are love, it’s wonderful that you shared the gift of life with those wishing a child. BRAVO for your openmindedness and that rare gift of tolerance in a harshly intolerant world.

Adrian September 10, 2008, 10:52 PM

Hey now, it’s an honest mistake from your husband. Did you tell him where you’re daughter’s jammies were and remind him to change her diaper?

Anyway, I know men that take care of their children WAY better than their mothers. My dad is one of those. He took my sister, my brother, and me to every doctors appointment, went to every event we had, cooked for us, was there for us, listened to us. Oh goodness he listened to every boyfriend problem my sister had. When we were babies, it wasn’t my mom staying up all night feeding us and rocking us back to sleep. It was my dad. and guess who I needed in the delivery room with me when i was having my son.

So now you know of a man who makes a good “mom”.

Vita September 11, 2008, 11:35 AM

Are all Dads cut out to be single parents, no, should they, if that is what they choose, then it is up to them, and they know what they are in for. Is my husband perfect, tell me anyones who is,and I will sell you a bridge, but there is one person that I know in my life that was handed that job and has done an incredible job, my close friend.

My best friend died almost 7 years ago tragically in a car accident, all three of her girls were in the car with her, one 6 one 5 and one 1.5 . Thank god nothing happened to the girls, but my best friend died. Her husband was left with grieving over the loss of his wife his partner, and now having to raise 3 girls alone.(now he has a fiancee),

He not only pulled himself together for his children but now 7 years later he has helped 3 girls grow up so beautifully, and I know how proud their Mom is of them and of him. There are some things that we choose to do and then, other things choose us, whether we want it or not, and we do the best we can. And he has, and I am very proud of him.

Ruthy September 12, 2008, 12:40 PM

This daddy did great, now he learn from his error and next time will do better, and u will get a happy little baby in the morning. Moms must let their husband interact more with their kids, specially with this kind of responsibilities, this way kids will bond more with the father and the mom can take care of other things like themselves. If u don’t like it, what other option u have, let your husband create a pleasant relationship with the sofa and the TV?

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