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When Daddy Has a Favorite

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Guest blogger Tina: Alone in a hospital room eleven years ago, I delivered my first son Ian -- and became a single mother.
Father and son laughing

Ironically, it was one of the happiest days of my life. When the doctor handed Ian to me, I was so intimidated; I simply said "Happy Birthday" as Ian collapsed on my chest to nurse. Ian changed my life and I lived for him. He was the perfect baby. Ian never cried, was adaptable beyond words and smiled more than any baby I have ever seen. Dating never occurred to me at the time. What guy would want a woman with a newborn baby? Yet, unexpectedly, five months later, I met someone who was into threesomes ... no, not that kind ... threesome dates with me and my son.

This new man was willing to sacrifice dinner dates for trips to the zoo and the playground. Instead of taking off my bra on a Friday night ... he was taking diapers off my son or taking days off when Ian was sick. We married a few years later and he adopted my beloved son as his own. I felt comforted knowing my son was so loved by this man and would be loved forever.

We had a second child named Hayden a few years later -- and suddenly everything changed. Our oldest son Ian, who had become the object of my husband's affection, was now invisible. The biological child became the center of my husband's universe over the following two years and the preferential treatment set in. 

To read the unthinkable act this father pulled, go to When Daddy Has a Favorite, Page 2.

next: When Mommy's a Tomboy
5 comments so far | Post a comment now
Dan September 27, 2008, 12:04 PM

I’m a Dad with two fantastic kids— (both biolological)… and cannot imagine the pain of seeing either of them injured the way Ian has been hurt.

And I’m shocked and saddened by your dilemma— and so sorry for Ian. Your ex is a self-centered jerk. He has the belief that Hayden is his REAL son. (whatever the hell that is) and especially after your divorce— I’m sure Hayden became his total focus— because Hayden is a biological part of HIM.

I worry that Hayden will also being injured in the years ahead by this shameful favoritism? His relationship with his brother has already been damaged.

In the meantime— I hope Ian can find a way to release the rejection— to embrace others and let go of hope that someday your ex will “love” him. Because he probably won’t. Ian has to know that it’s not about him. He IS worthy of a father’s love.

This is tough. But people do recover from childhood rejection. They really do. Ian will be okay.


Livid Bystander September 27, 2008, 2:41 PM

This is child abuse and this dad doesn’t even deserve to see Hayden. See your attorney STAT.

An adopted child is not a gift to be returned! What is wrong with this guy? I hope he is shamed by all who know him.

Anna September 27, 2008, 8:54 PM

I really feel connected to your story. The same thing happend with my sister and myself. Although he was the biological father to both of us, he always favored me, the youngest. In doing this, he has brought me more suffering to me then good by his “vip” treatment. even as both my sister and I are adults now, Our relationship is unmendably broken. Although I cannot claim that I have suffered more then my sister has, I can never have the good relationship I had hoped to have with with her.
The truth is that this also ruined the relationship with my father too, as I grew up i realized that what my father did to my sister what an aweful thing and I can never forgive him for hurting her like that.

M.L. September 27, 2008, 10:21 PM

I’m lucky, I was a single mother, and met a wonderfull man. He hasn’t adopted my daughter yet, but as soon as we can get the money together, he’s going to. We have one together and he shows no favoritism, and even introduces her as his daughter. I am very lucky, and will be praying for your family.

mom22 September 27, 2008, 10:45 PM

Holy Cow. This is the saddest thing ever then to hear it happened to more than one person. What is wrong with people? I feel for all of you. I have a step-mom and have never been treated any different than my 2 step sisters. Apparently, I should be grateful my stepmom did the right thing.

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