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If Governor Palin Were My Girlfriend...

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Guest blogger Dani Klein Modisett: Here is my list of reasons why I heart Palin.

Sarah Palin scares me. Not in the way she scares my New York liberal mother who's afraid that--with her help--McCain might win. What frightens me about Palin is that she's the kind of woman who if I were gay--and we met--I'd fall for her really hard. Not just because of her gleaming white teeth or because she wears glasses like pretty girls who want to tone it all down so they can be taken seriously. No, what would make me want to rip off her minimizing bra is how damn confident she is. 

She's the opposite of neurotic, so I think we would make a very good couple. I would be the over-thinking sensitive one and she could go out and shoot mammals. I would stay in our tastefully appointed home, drinking myself into oblivion, worrying about the souls of all the murdered moose and caribou--and then she would come home, tell me what a silly, sensitive Jewish person I am, and give me a hug and go upstairs to see if she's ovulating. I would wonder about the fact that she is always referring to me as a Jewish person, a Jewish person who would be much happier if only I'd accept Jesus as my personal savior, and if that isn't a problem, that she consistently views me as "other," because of my religion. 

I'd overlook this because she's hot and she's so sure she's right about everything--serving God and all.  I would hope that getting into bed with this woman would make me confident, hot and righteous too, by osmosis. I would give up most of what I know to be right and true for a shot at that.  The more I learn about Governor Palin, the more I hope--and sometimes even pray--that the American public responds to her better than a lovesick version of me.

Dani Klein Modisett is the mom of two boys, a comedy writer and the creator/producer of Afterbirth...Stories You Won't Read in Parents Magazine.

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4 comments so far | Post a comment now
Scarlett September 9, 2008, 12:27 PM

Thats pretty funny, but you make a very good point. Ive been looking for Info on palin everywhere the only place I have been able to find extensive info in one spot is

Joanna September 9, 2008, 12:27 PM

Wow, she scares me TOO! That was a funny article. Let’s hope that when America’s honeymoon with her is over and we take off our beer goggles, it will be clear that she is just an ugly monster.

shanna September 9, 2008, 12:47 PM

OMG…this is hilarious.

CK1 September 9, 2008, 4:31 PM

Funny story…It’s good to see some people have a sense of humor. It’s ironic but opposites do attract. HAHA!!!
Honestly, she is very beautiful and intelligent and it’s hard not to fall in love with her, even if you’re a woman. HAHA!!!! That coming from a Conservative…you betcha! I’m sure there are plenty of men wishing Sarah Palin was THEIR wife. Her husband is a lucky man, but knowing Sarah she thinks she is the lucky one. :)

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