I Married a Bad Boy

Monday, September 29, 2008

filed under: love & sex

Guest blogger mom-on-the-edge: Is it a bad idea to marry the bad boy?

In my single days I dated plenty of nice guys. They accepted my quirks, laughed at my flaws, they had fun with my family and they let me know they loved me.

One old boyfriend bought a pasta cookbook and on the inside cover he wrote, "I look forward to tasting every recipe, even if it takes a lifetime. Let's get cookin'!" Another ex built the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks and then handed over two tickets to Paris for a romantic Valentine's getaway.

These guys made life exciting. They gave me confidence and inspired me to be my best. But, the timing wasn't right with one and the chemistry was off with the other.

So, one Saturday night I went to my favorite bar to play a game of pool. My name came up on the board, I had to pick a partner. And, there across the table was my future husband. We smiled at each other, and I could feel the electricity.

But, after years of dating, I discovered that smile wouldn't last. In fact, he was once asked to model but he lost the job because smiling doesn't come naturally to him. He's more the dark, troubled, brooding type. He rarely speaks at my family functions. He hardly gives me compliments. And, he finds my nervous foot tapping annoying.

So, why did I marry HIM? Is chemistry enough?

One of my best friends will only date guys who actively pursue HER -- and her parents have to give the absolute seal of approval or they're out the door. I used to think she was being too old-fashioned, too immature. Now, after such a troubled, disappointing marriage, I think there might be something to that...

3 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Chemistry is very important but a couple needs more than that — a synergy of values and a mutual respect for each other is needed, too. I dated and was engaged to a “bad boy”, who was verbally and emotionally abusive, calling me every name in the book when he was angry (which happened most of the time), but I was too naive and smitten to realize that my bad boy was truly BAD for me! And in hindsight, I did most the pursuing and pleasing. When I met my husband, I found his eagerness and reciprocity strange; I was so used to the badness of my former bad boy that I initially didn’t think it would work with my husband. Now I am so glad to have woken up from that nightmare and chosen the right man…bad boys are bad for a reason…they make great lovers (for a short while) but terrible partners/husbands…but that’s just my take on it.

- Anonymous

Posted 09/29/08 03:40 PM

Oh, yeah - your friend had it right. Bad boys are our answer to the way we distance ourselves from our inner “bad girl.” Once we make friends with out inner “Stranger” - we are free to choose loving, warm, fun, happy men who can CHERISH everything about us - even the things we think are “ugly.”

- Rori Raye

Posted 10/07/08 12:11 AM

“He rarely speaks at my family functions. He hardly gives me compliments. And, he finds my nervous foot tapping annoying.” These things really aren’t that bad, and they don’t make a “bad boy” in my mind. It sounds like he just isn’t very outspoken. As far as finding habits annoying - it happens when you’re with someone for years, but hopefully he doesn’t find everything annoying. A marriage is going to take work from both partners to be successful. Don’t expect your man to change and become something he isn’t - love him for who he is.

- Anonymous

Posted 11/10/08 06:34 PM