Nixing a Brother's Nuptials

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Nixing a Brother's Nuptials

Friday, September 26, 2008

filed under: family

Guest blogger The Mediocre Mama: When my brother got married the first time, I was there. The second? I dropped everything and smiled for the family photos. But now that he's hitting the chapel for the third time, uh ... I don't know about that.

Don't get me wrong. I love my brother. And I truly wish him love and happiness. But to pack up the kids and hubby, take time off from work, and then have to find a babysitter where he lives (where I know no one) to watch my little cherubs while he toasts the newest love of his life ... eh, I'm all set.

And, to add insult to injury ... I just got an invitation to his new soon-to-be victim wife's bridal shower. Are you telling me they don't have cookie sheets or bath towels at this point in their lives? Don't get me started on the registry, people!

What do you think? Suck it up and be there for my sibling or wait for wedding #4?

7 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

So, are you not going to attend because it is simply a financial and logistical nightmare, or because you disapprove? Is skipping it worth hurting his feelings? Were it me, and it was truly a nightmare to get there (far away, etc.) I would skip it…but I would send a present. After all, it might be her first wedding, and it seems as though you are punishing her as well.

- ls

Posted 09/26/08 08:57 AM

Unless you can’t make it financially (in which case your brother would surely understand and maybe even offer to cover your expenses), show up for your brother! I mean, it’s your brother. He shouldn’t be punished because of your selfishness or judgment. Must everyone in your life conform to your standards for acceptance?

- Anna

Posted 09/26/08 09:25 AM

I’m in the same position, expecting any day now, to hear the news about #3. (We’re really loved #2; she deserved better.) Some people in this world should never marry - not because they are incapable of loving because they lack qualities that are necessary for a long term commitment. Why can’t they just live together like everybody else? Really, who is being selfish here? Why do we, the family, have to be dragged into this with another big ceremony? I do feel bad for #3, but she’s an adult - surely she must have her own doubts. If you are a #3 or soon to be, I have to ask: aren’t you worried? Yes, people can change (a little.) But have you ever looked at the stats for third marriages?

- Ann

Posted 09/26/08 10:08 AM

Wow! I actually experienced this with my ex brother-in-law. Each wedding he had, including the 3rd was a huge 150 plus person sit-down dinner. I was truly offended that by the third victim, we were supposed to pretend like the other two weddings never happened. It’s hard to welcome someone when you don’t know how long they’ll be around. I say do what you think is right for you. I didn’t go because I didn’t get the consideration of someone saying, “Hey, we realize this is a little over the top, but…” Got nothin’! good luck.

- Been There

Posted 09/26/08 11:43 AM

I don’t think you should feel obligated in any way. In my book, the parents pay for the first wedding, but not the second and third, and you’re only obligated to attend one wedding of an immidiate family member. The rest of them, be there if you can. I got married twice, the second time my little brother didn’t come. I didn’t hold it against him. He was busy and we were out of state. Shrug. When you’re getting married again, you’ve got to concentrate on the relationship and its soundness, not on who shows up for the wedding. Let there be a subsequent wedding.

- Still Married to Second Husband

Posted 09/26/08 12:09 PM

We went through this same thing when my brother in law got married for the third time. We didn’t go. I think he was mad at the time but then the marriage was annulled a few months later. (she cheated on him) I’m glad we didn’t spend $1600 to fly cross country, at least $800 in hotel, plus expenses, to see that. I totally stand behind you. We sent a nice gift and that was it.

- Anonymous

Posted 09/26/08 02:28 PM

If this were a woman getting married for the third time, there’s NO way people would be excited for another big wedding. Of course it being a guy, he can get away with it. tacky, tacky, tacky.

- Anonymous

Posted 09/26/08 10:07 PM