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Proud Non Breast Feeder

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Momlogic's Annie: I was happy to see the study that said C-section moms have trouble bonding with their kids. Now all the moms who judged me for not breast feeding know how I feel.

baby reaching for breast

For years I've been listening to moms quote "studies" and preach about how it's selfish not to breast feed. They go on for days about how without it, the parent/child bond won't be as deep and the child will become all sorts of sick. Many of these moms had C-sections. Now they know how it feels to read some bullsh*t study that insults their relationship with their child and even their child's health and intelligence.

Born in the 1970s, I wasn't breast fed and most of my peers weren't. We actually all turned out fine. You see, these wonderful creatures (called scientists) came up with a "formula" that ensured babies got every nutrient they needed. When I had my baby 13 months ago, I didn't breast feed. After months of debate, my husband and I decided that for us, this wasn't an option -- that I would be a better, happier mother if I didn't do it and, in turn, our baby would be happier. You should have seen the looks I got and still get when I reveal this to other moms. Many of you are giving them to me right now!

It may be said that women don't opt for C-sections the way I opted not to breast feed, but obviously women don't wait until they are in labor for their "scheduled cesareans." They rely on what those wonderful scientists have come up with -- an alternative to the natural way that works better for some. Notice a pattern?

For the record, I do feel completely bonded to my baby. I also do not believe for one second that women who have C-sections don't feel completely bonded to theirs.

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81 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sue  September 19, 2008, 11:33 AM

I remember a co-worker back in the 80s who was pregnant. She didn’t want to breastfeed but her husband wanted her to because he didn’t want to pay for formula (he was a tightwad). Another co-worker said to her to “tell your husband it he wants his kid breastfed he should do it himself”.

Jami September 19, 2008, 12:27 PM

Scientists do agree that breast milk is best, and I did everything to breastfeed my babies. NO I DO NOT THINK THAT I AM A BETTER MOM THAN ANYONE ELSE. This is a choice for every mom to make and it is not anyones business.
I when through 6 months of torture to breastfeed my first baby and after getting mastitis for the third time finally quit at 6 months. I also had cracked and bleeding nipples for the first 6 weeks. My second baby was easier it was only bad for the first 2 weeks. He quit nursing at 9 months. My third baby was breastfed for 12 months, but I tried to get him to take a bottle at about 10 months he would not take it. for the last 2 months of breastfeeding he would leave large open bleeding sores from where he would latch on to hard with his teeth. I also had all three of them without any kind of drugs. So if you want to say that all breastfeeding moms are judging you for your decision you are wrong. Everyone should be able to make up their own mind. I got a lot of people mad at me for not quitting breastfeeding when it became painful. It does not seem to matter what you choose their is always other people out there that think that you are doing it wrong. My mother-in-law was the worst. She had four babies and only breastfed her last one the other three she made the decision to bottle feed before they were born. I felt that she was judging me for not switching to formula sooner.
I guess we are all in the same boat. No matter what you do someone else will tell you that you should be doing it different. The best thing you can give for your baby is LOVE. You should also show your children that you can disagree with people without judging them or expecting them to make the same choices that you made. We should be spreading love to others instead of hate. So to all moms out there may you have a wonderful day.

Mary September 19, 2008, 2:02 PM

Cate, that was an excellent post. I couldn’t agree more!

To the OP: For the record, scheduled C-sections are not always done for convenience. Mine wasn’t. It was a decision I came to after much internal debate and worry, right up until 2 weeks post partum. Major surgery is never “convenient.” If I could have given birth vaginally, I would have.

not a lazy mom September 19, 2008, 4:01 PM

This is just another mom who is trying to not feel guilty about not feeding her child properly. Breast-feeding moms know there is no “trying to” or “baby didn’t want it” or “not enough milk”. If there is something medically wrong with you, then thank goodness for artificial milk. With breastfeeding, it’s all patience and practice. The main cause to not breast feeding is selfishness. I hear all the time that bottle moms like the fact they can give their baby to someone else to feed. Why have a baby then if you want to pass the job off? I am 26 and have 3 kids and have breast fed all of them. As a matter of fact, our first was born when we were 16 and i STILL breastfed her IN CLASS despite the embarassment because i knew it was the right thing to do for her. I was grossed out, i didn’t like it, and always felt dirty…but i did it for my children. If i got the clue at 16, what’s up with the adults? Some people just enbrace motherhood differently, but I like my way just fine!

Jennifer September 19, 2008, 4:18 PM

I am pregnant with my first child and I have no intention of breastfeeding.

I have to go back to work and the idea of pumping in my office in a male dominated field makes me uncomfortable. I also don’t think it is fair to my child to have them latch on and then wean them within such a short amount of time. I have lots of other reasons why this isn’t an option for me but I don’t want to go into it.

Natalie, you may be stating your opinion but the fact is that you are just rude. Until you live my life you shouldn’t be making judgment calls on the decisions of others. I guess that is just my opinion.

Rosie September 19, 2008, 6:17 PM

I was not able to breast feed either. My first one turned out fine. I had triplets in 2000 and I was told to keep up a supply for them I would have to pump every 15 minutes. The triplets were delivered at 37 weeks and were prefectly healthy without breast feeding. I do not feel guilty about not breast feeding. I disagree that breast feeding makes you bond more with your child and gives them a higher IQ and all the other things they say about it. The bonding comes from spending time with your baby and if you are holding your baby and bottle feeding it formula you are still bonding. So to all non breast feeding moms good for you and your decision!!! and for all of you breast feeding moms good for you too!!

michelle September 20, 2008, 1:42 PM

Feed your baby with love, that’s all that matters. And for the record I have breastfed 2 and formula fed 1 and I love all 3 more every day:-) Lets not judge each other so much, the world is bad enough without moms attacking moms.

heather September 20, 2008, 7:40 PM

after years of dealing with physical and emotional pain from very large breasts, I had a reduction at age 20. while i knew that i could possibly still nurse, i chose not to because of all the pain and hurt i still associate with my breasts. it seemed wrong to use something i hated for so long to feed my baby. i also knew that my career as a teacher would make pumping very difficult (leaving 30 17 year olds unsupervised is not really an option).

i always cuddled my baby closely while feeding her her bottle; i can’t see how a nursing mother was much closer physcially to their baby than i was. now 2 1/2, she’s had but one ear infection, and has hit every milestone months ahead of schedule. and we have a fabulous relationship.

i think nursing is fine, but so is bottle feeding. why do we moms feel the need to criticize each other?

i always cuddled my baby closely while

Abigail September 20, 2008, 8:04 PM

I am a first time young mom. I chose to breastfeed, and in doing so received praise and criticism for many reasons. I received praise from my mom, husband and family members. From my friends I received criticism and crap. I am 19 years old married, own a house, my own car, and have a beautiful 5 month old daughter. My friends said it was a stupid choice because I would be the only one feeding her ( bull I pumped bottles to allow my husband to also enjoy feeding her), I would never be able go out or drink and have fun ( bull again I could very easily PUMP and allow grandmaw to spend time with / yea maybe not get drunk and smoke but excuse me if I would rather give my child a healthy form of nutrition). I recently made friends with many other pregnant moms my age and under who were in the dilemma of bf or ff their babies they asked my opinion and I always replied the same ” I PERSONALLY love breastfeeding I know it’s the healthiest thing for my daughter and I enjoy the feeling knowing MY body is producing food for my daughter. I would at the least try it to see if you feel comfortable doing it. If not it’s no big deal that’s not what makes you a good mom. Do what you feel is right not what people tell you to do. “
Bottom line no matter what you choose to do as long as you have your child’s best interests I think that is the right choice.

Anonymous September 20, 2008, 8:37 PM

Its probably not worth answering by the “scientists” who agree that breast milk is better but aren’t saying exactly why, but I wonder: Following this logic, is a mother who breastfeeds her child who was herself formula fed wasting her time? If she didn’t get this magical good stuff herself, how could she pass on the extra ingredients to her child? And if she can pass on the extra ingredients, then what exactly is the difference between breast feeding and formula feeding?

Jan Bay September 21, 2008, 5:17 PM

Should anybody get their knickers in a knot because of another person’s decision of how to nourish their child? It’s my opinion that what you think is best for your baby is nobody’s business but your own within reasonable guidelines of safety.

The science is out there that breast feeding is best and we can’t ignore it. But is there anything to be gained by making mothers who can’t or are uncomfortable with breastfeeding feel guilty and ashamed?

Maybe the well meaning angst over “how” a child is being fed could be better used to wonder “if” all of the world’s children are being fed.

Yes, I breastfed. But for some reason I have never felt the need to use the fact to make anybody feel uncomfortable or less of a good mom because they didn’t either by choice or inability.

Vanessa September 22, 2008, 3:17 PM

I agree with Jennifer completely. Why worry so much about what others do-just worry about your own kids!

BM September 25, 2008, 11:48 AM

To all those who say bottle feeders are lazy!!!
Breast feeders are the lazy ones! Its there and readily available! no mixing, no cleaning! (provided nursing is going like it should!)

I chose to breast feed all 3 of my kids because “I was lazy” (meaning i wanted to have more time to do things with them), I liked that it was free, (never because i was “cheap” merely financially savvy and responsable) and the fact that it was healthist you couldn’t go wrong!!

Those who feed their kids formula, all the power to you! I supplemented with formula for weekend babysitting, or when I just felt drained!

I didn’t nurse the full year though, I went 6 months, 8 months, and 5 months, and they were formula fed babies from there on out.

Formula isn’t that expensive though, compared to breast milk it is, but compared with a carton of cows milk, you’ll get more milage from a large can of powdered formula. I used formula until they were about 18 months for “drinks”

Bad mom? Maybe… But I love my kids, they love me, and our family works!

ct September 28, 2008, 10:10 PM

wouldn’t it be lovely if we could all just support one another in our choices rather than judge? i am sure we all do things that another mama would not. we put enough pressure on ourselves…my choice was to have a drug free and vaginal birth, but after 36 hours of labor, i ended up with an emergency c section. my choice was to breastfeed by daughter, but after an infection, allergic reaction, emergency room, hospital stay where my daughter was not allowed in my room, lack of milk, weeks of herbs, teas and pumping, daily nurse visits, my daughter ended up with formula. we are very bonded, she is very bright, articulate and compassionate, she also had chronic ear infections, but my best friend who was unable to breastfeed because of a medical condition has two of the healthiest children in our group of friends. so i guess there is no black and white, but one thing i know for sure is that it sure would make us better parents if we had people supporting us in our choices rather than shaking their heads in disgust when we choose to be “selfish”.

Tammy September 29, 2008, 12:48 PM

FINALLY! Something said that makes sense!

Tracy Zelitt October 3, 2008, 7:01 AM

I see plenty of people with bad attitudes about child feeding. None seem to realize how easy breastfeeding is. Milk can come in the second day if you are educated properly to start early. Simply eating oatmeal and almonds is all most people need to guarantee good milk supply. Mother’s milk tea is an option, but nothing needs to change or cost money to feed your child. It was free in utero why should that change? Post hurricane/flood/blackout…breastfeeders can still feed their children.

Valerie October 7, 2008, 7:27 PM

You are a horribly ignorant and stupid person! Look at you, trying so hard to try and make yourself feel better about robbing your child of nutrients and vitamins that God intended he/she had. You know it was wrong of you, your baby didn’t even have a choice whether or not he wanted boob or bottle. Theres really only a few reasons why a woman chooses not to breastfeed; either you messed up somewhere and the baby won’t latch on correctly or it causes you too much pain, in which case you obviously just gave up which is a decision only a f*#!ing coward would make. Or your afraid your breasts will stretch, which is very selfish and conceited. Either way I think they are all cop-outs. Your punishing your baby for something you did wrong, for your own insecurities! It’s sickening! No wonder your so messed up in the head, you were a bottle fed baby!

To Valerie October 9, 2008, 11:17 AM

Oh my goodness, such hostility!! I’m probably the most vocal lactivist you’ll ever meet, and I believe that breastfeeding should be the norm and formula should be considered substandard and a last resort. However, your post is an embarrasment to those of us who want to get information out there without judgment. May you never make a decision that others consider poor. You reap what you sow.

THAT is what is sickening.

Anonymous October 9, 2008, 5:18 PM

Actually you know, there are cases when the baby is allergic to things you eat when you breastfeed and it makes them sick. There are women who breastfeed their children and then kill them three years later (I pray for all children to be safe and all mothers to have strength and not to have mental makes me sad). I have a feeling that breastfeeding doesn’t make or break you as a mother. My son and I have a wonderful bond and his teachers appreciate his intelligence and his thoughtfulness. He is only two and he amazing. I love to cuddle with him on the couch and run around with him outside. Just the other day he started singing along with me the song I have sang to him at bedtime since he was a few months old (I nearly cried it was so adorable). I was unable to breastfeed, well more like he was unableBut mentally he is ahead of the game and his spacial orientation is amazing for his age. And bodywise he looks like he is going to play football. He is tall and for being 35lbs. he is not fat, he is solid! He is a strong little boy…Anyway, looks like formula did him well. By the way he is gorgeous, everyone wants to know if I am going to have him be a child model, but I’m not sure that he would choose that for himself if he had a say in it.

Anonymous October 9, 2008, 6:13 PM

P.S. to the person with two older siblings who never get sick. I was breastfed and I got sick all the time too. In fact, I had a seizure before I was a year old. Only that one time, maybe because I was People can learn how to take care of themselves. But until your kid knows how to take care of themself, you can give them Flinstone vitamins when they are able to chew, and they are water soluable so you actually get your vitamins. By the way you should always check and make sure your vitamins are water soluable.

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