Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
PiscesSave Your Marriage: Shut UP!
Next time you and your man have a fight, don't say a word. It may save your marriage.
Feel like you can't talk to your man without him shutting down, even if you tip toe around an issue, make a special dinner to have "the talk" or hand him a Ketel One for a little liquid courage? Forget all of it, says a book called "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it." In fact, talking "makes things way worse because it makes men physically uncomfortable."
If you really want to get through to your man, talking is just about the worst thing you can do. Instead, reach out for a little intimacy. OK, let's get this straight -- because a man feels uncomfortable talking, we should just suck it up, swallow the issue and offer up sex to relieve him? Ummmm. NO.
Why is it that we are being encouraged to enable a man's emotional inadequacies? BTW ... what about what WE need? Are his needs more important than ours? Let's remember, we already have to wait until 1) he's not tired 2) he's not hungry and 3) his team is not playing to talk to him.
Furthermore, when we finally do get two minutes of his time, we are considered to be a "nag" -- a term that clearly must have been coined by a man. We are tired of always having understanding of what HE needs: all this BS about "how to keep your man, what to do for your man, how to cook for your man." Let's face it, they need us just as much (if not more) as we need them. If it wasn't for us, they would have 1) no fresh fruit in the fridge 2) rings in their toilets and 3) no thoughtful birthday presents lovingly purchased for all their family members. There's a book for you ... can you write about that? Ugh.
- share:
-
-
-
more:
- |
- 5 Comments
I am all for being talked witha nd not spoken too and also for men being able to not shut down when we start speaking. Their the “nags” nagging us with requests and demands on occasion. Love and can’t live w/o him, but wow men are spolied. Just like the post said we have to wait till their not tired or hungry and the game is off just to try to say something then it’s a burden. Ugh!
AMEN SISTER!! NOW SEND THIS TO ALL THE MEN SITES Out there. this issue pisses me off with myman on a dailybasis!
From what I understand, the book is about learning how to better communicate with a man, not about shutting up and being miserable. I wonder if you have read the book? It explains how NOT to trigger the kinds of responses that cause someone to shut down—by using forms of communication other than the dreaded “We need to talk.”
Problems in communication are not one-sided, sister. I can see you’re talking—but are you listening?
I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, marriage was about compromise. So if you feel that your man is spoiled, making too many demands, and that you have to tiptoe around him to talk to him, you ALREADY have communication issues. The advice quoted from this book is absolutely true, because women who complain about their men tend to start snapping at them when they finally “talk” (after waiting until he’s not tired, hungry, or watching sports). Why would you marry a man who couldn’t have a civil conversation with you (or one that you couldn’t speak calmly to) without shutting down in the first place? That’s not typical male behavior - at least, my man never does that to me.
Agreed; great post. Your sentiments are echoed by the 1,200+ women I spoke with while writing my upcoming book. Women in committed relationships are looking for meaningful guidance to help them in making their relationships healthier and happier. They want to be talked with, not spoken to. They want to be listened to, not merely heard. They want to be emotionally tied to their partner as an equal, not cubbyholed into a title of “wife” or “mother.” Moreover, women are past the point of needing basic dating do’s and don’ts the world’s “relationship experts” have afforded them to date. Women want to understand men and their issues, to be sure; but they are also looking to improve the quality of their relationships while staying empowered—as women. IMHO, men need to embrace/accept their shortcomings, do the work, and grow to meet women halfway.