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Married Women Hate Sex

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Sexless marriage: Millions of moms are in one, yet it's taboo to talk about it. Momlogic asked 2,500 married women to reveal the dirty details about their sex lives after marriage and we were shocked by what we found--half found sex to be a depressing, embarrassing or a hassle! PLUS: Three moms and a deprived husband share their stories of sexless marriage. AND: Expert advice for spicing up your relationship.


The most eye-opening findings:

50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle: We also found out that although 77% of the women claim their sex life is somewhat to very important to them, 54% of married women admit they're the ones who don't want to have sex.

According to 29% of married women, they're just too tired:Not too surprising--at least to those of us with young kids-- that this was the main reason women say they don't want to have sex.

What would women rather do than have sex?
• 24% would rather take a bubble bath.
• 26% would rather read a book.

Also, according to our survey:
• 23% of the women who have sex do it because they love their husbands and want to make him happy.
• 49% of the women have sex because they want it.
• 26% of the women surveyed say their sex lives took a turn for the worst after they had children.

Even momogic contributor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Shannon Fox was surprised by the results of our survey. "It is sad to see that half of the women polled described their sex lives as depressing, embarrassing or a hassle. That is a lot of unhappy women! That means that even the women who are having sex more often aren't happy with the quality of the sex they are having."

But on the flip side, although things look bleak when it comes to married sex, Shannon Fox says, "77% say of the women say that their sex life is important. I've found that the husbands in sexless marriages are often shocked to discover that their wives think sex is important. Spouses in sexless marriages often feel neglected and that their desires are unimportant to their mates."

Shannon Fox adds, "It is not surprising to see that the frequency of sex decreased for many couples after the birth of their first child. Many women report less opportunity for sex, dislike for their post-baby bodies and sheer exhaustion as the main killers of their sex lives after children."

According to statistics, living in a sexless marriage is VERY common; however, for some reason, it is still one of the most taboo subjects around. But we found three moms who invited us into their homes (and marriages) and shared their own experiences of being in a sexless marriage. And it's not all what you'd think...

A deprived husband turns to momlogic to help save his sexless marriage. Keep reading for the complete interview.

Check out our gallery and spice up your life life with an aphrodisiac.
1 | 2 | 3

next: It's Official: Lap Dances and Kids Don't Mix
191 comments so far | Post a comment now
Just do it! August 12, 2008, 10:10 AM

Married women find sex a hassle?

Obvious insight into why 60% of married men cheat!

Wake up call, ladies! Husbands have needs. If you’re too [insert excuse here] to meet them, someone else might.

Skip the bubble bath. Do your husband.

Anonymous August 12, 2008, 11:05 AM

seriously, you made a commitment to marriage — stop eating cheesecake and pay attention.

Anonymous August 12, 2008, 11:10 AM

Just give him a quick handjob and he’ll be happy.

momof9 August 12, 2008, 11:12 AM

If the stats are true then that is just soooooo sad. I cannot imagine married life without sex, after being married as long as we have and even after my husbands brain injury sex is the one thing that still brings us to that state of oneness. I can handle anything that is thrown our way as a couple but I definately need the closeness with my hubby that an active sex life brings. I feel so bad for these couples. :-(

A+ mom August 12, 2008, 11:52 AM

I think that those ladies just need to stop making excuses and just do it. I have 3 children 2 of which are toddlers and that does not affect my sex life in any way. I too am tired at the end of day. I have several medical conditions that could be used as an excuse for not having sex (Rheumatoid arthritis, endometriosis, interstitial cystitis (painful bladder)) but, I do have sex because afterwards I am so much happier and those moments of intimacy makes my relationship so much better. I too am a little overweight but that is not an excuse for not having sex. My husband still finds me sexy with all imperfections and more.
So ladies try to feel better about your own self. If you are able to see yourself in a better way, if you improve your own self esteem so will everybody else around you and most importantly your husband. At the end of the day give a little more love to the one you made the commitment to be ONE with. You will feel much better afterwards. Try it.

Amber August 12, 2008, 12:36 PM

I have 3 kids ages 5 and 2.5. My husband and I still have no problem having sex. He even gets only 4 hours of sleep some nights because after the kids are in bed we stay up and watch movies together, by the time we go to bed and often have sex, it’s near midnight and he gets up at 4:30am for work. So if anyone should be too tired it’s him but it’s important to us. And I get cranky after 2 days without. :p
I would never be one of those women who would just do if they didn’t want to. When I got married I didn’t sign anything that said I was his sex slave and HAD to have sex even if I didn’t want to just please him. That’s just stupid.

A+ Mom August 12, 2008, 1:01 PM

I agree with you. You should never have sex just to please the man. You should do it to please your self too. Sex is great and great to the relationship. I too get cranky with out it. But, I think that if you don’t feel motivated that perhaps afterwad you might even be happier so why not try to do it. I don’t think you will have anything to lose by just trying. I think the effort is well worth. so, just give it a try.

leticia August 12, 2008, 1:18 PM

I think otherwise…. my husband is the one who doesnt want to have sex…. ive tried everything on how to better our sex lifes but it just doesnt work. I have completely given up I feel that i shouldnt be begging for sex….

Melissa August 12, 2008, 1:54 PM

I think that if you are continuing to find excuses NOT to have sex with your partner, it’s usually a clear indicator that you are having trouble with your relationshiop OUTSIDE of the bedroom. It’s hard to be vulnerable with someone that you are holding on to resentments toward. At least that is what I have found in my experience anyway. A sure test for me is…how is the communication between me and my partner. If the answer is not good the bedroom temperature usually is the same.

Amber August 12, 2008, 4:17 PM

I agree, A+mom, I’ve heard that sometimes the best way to get in the mood is to just do it. And that can be even hotter than normal.

foxymama August 12, 2008, 7:28 PM

I love Dr. Fox’s tips. From one Foxy mama to another….thanks! I’ve been married almost 10 years, we have three kids and our marriage has been filled with good, bad and no sex. Sometimes it gets routine, we get lazy, tired. It’s the best when we use it as a way to really connect, love one another.

Kiki August 12, 2008, 8:17 PM

Women may think they’re living in a “sexless marriage” Their husbands aren’t. They’re getting it somewhere else. Believe me on this.

jesus August 12, 2008, 8:18 PM

why is it that wemen feel like wemen need to be courting them on a perpetuous way?
why are they so fragile?why are they so jelous?i have had many wemen including 3 wives. they all just want to be in control.that kills the desire for a man to be with them. i have had beutifull wemen i had to let go because they are air heads .. do you like how do i look today?am i fat? do you still like me?they are a bore.

D August 12, 2008, 8:26 PM

This is not an “obvious insight into why 60% of married men cheat!”

“Wake up call” to women who feel the HAVE to cater to their husbands needs.
If you have a husband who is not caring enough to be interested in finding out what is going on… drop him

Psychologically it is bad for you to satisfy your husband because you are afraid that he will cheat if you do not fulfill his “needs.”

Part of the problem of a cheating husband is that there are women or men out there who are willing to mess around with married men. Let’s stop blaming the woman who is having issues with her marriage. If a man is missing something, the last place he should be searching is outside the marriage. Problems should be solved within the marriage.

? August 12, 2008, 8:26 PM

What do you do when you don’t want to have sex too often because you really don’t like the way your husband performs? it’s not that i don’t want to have sex, it’s just that i really don’t enjoy it much with him. I love him very much but not for the sex, he is my best friend and he understands me very well and i want to be married to him, I have tried to show him and explain to him what i like, but he does it for that night and then it’s over. back to the same routine.

KARIN August 12, 2008, 8:31 PM

I’m confused about the embarrassing part about having sex. This sounds like an issue that was there before they even got married. I’m trying to understand what exactly was embarrassing about the sex. Are they referring to self image? Please elaborate.

john August 12, 2008, 8:32 PM

Hi how would like to be with me as I’m not able to have sex ,becouse of my health,have been that way now for over 17 years,and I have told my wife of 23 years to leave me and find a man who can, and she says she would not leave me becouse she know i would not leave her if it were her that’s what I call love??

Anna August 12, 2008, 8:33 PM

What if you are a wife who is sexy and keeps herself in top shape but her husband has gained a ton of weight after losing it all too woo her?
He is gross to look at and cranky and tired ALL the time.
I speak for all the wives out there who are in the reverse roll. NOT ENOUGH.

ex P.S. August 12, 2008, 8:35 PM

jesus wrote: >>>why is it that wemen feel like wemen need to be courting them on a perpetuous way?
why are they so fragile?why are they so jelous?i have had many wemen including 3 wives. they all just want to be in control.that kills the desire for a man to be with them. i have had beutifull wemen i had to let go because they are air heads .. do you like how do i look today?am i fat? do you still like me?they are a bore.

ex P.S. says: LOL WHAT???!?!? all I get is that you had 2 wives (wemen that is) For the love of GOD PLEASE do not go bungling up a 4th woman’s (wemen’s) LOL) life

Polly Amory August 12, 2008, 8:37 PM

Everyone, men AND women, need an outside lover. Solves each gender’s complaints. Married sex only gets worse over the years, whereas illicit sex only gets better. Speaking from years of experience in an “open” marriage.

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