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Married Women Hate Sex

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Sexless marriage: Millions of moms are in one, yet it's taboo to talk about it. Momlogic asked 2,500 married women to reveal the dirty details about their sex lives after marriage and we were shocked by what we found--half found sex to be a depressing, embarrassing or a hassle! PLUS: Three moms and a deprived husband share their stories of sexless marriage. AND: Expert advice for spicing up your relationship.

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The most eye-opening findings:

50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle: We also found out that although 77% of the women claim their sex life is somewhat to very important to them, 54% of married women admit they're the ones who don't want to have sex.

According to 29% of married women, they're just too tired:Not too surprising--at least to those of us with young kids-- that this was the main reason women say they don't want to have sex.

What would women rather do than have sex?
• 24% would rather take a bubble bath.
• 26% would rather read a book.

Also, according to our survey:
• 23% of the women who have sex do it because they love their husbands and want to make him happy.
• 49% of the women have sex because they want it.
• 26% of the women surveyed say their sex lives took a turn for the worst after they had children.

Even momogic contributor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Shannon Fox was surprised by the results of our survey. "It is sad to see that half of the women polled described their sex lives as depressing, embarrassing or a hassle. That is a lot of unhappy women! That means that even the women who are having sex more often aren't happy with the quality of the sex they are having."

But on the flip side, although things look bleak when it comes to married sex, Shannon Fox says, "77% say of the women say that their sex life is important. I've found that the husbands in sexless marriages are often shocked to discover that their wives think sex is important. Spouses in sexless marriages often feel neglected and that their desires are unimportant to their mates."

Shannon Fox adds, "It is not surprising to see that the frequency of sex decreased for many couples after the birth of their first child. Many women report less opportunity for sex, dislike for their post-baby bodies and sheer exhaustion as the main killers of their sex lives after children."

According to statistics, living in a sexless marriage is VERY common; however, for some reason, it is still one of the most taboo subjects around. But we found three moms who invited us into their homes (and marriages) and shared their own experiences of being in a sexless marriage. And it's not all what you'd think...

A deprived husband turns to momlogic to help save his sexless marriage. Keep reading for the complete interview.

Check out our gallery and spice up your life life with an aphrodisiac.
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next: It's Official: Lap Dances and Kids Don't Mix
191 comments so far | Post a comment now
dgh August 12, 2008, 10:49 PM

Yeah, my wife and I have not had sex in like 10 - 12 years (married 18, 2nd marriage for each) Couple years ago she informed me that she was asexual. Surprised me after two kids, previous sex, sex previous to me, etc.. all the sudden asexual? Sounds to me she wants my paycheck but not me. Sign me a VERY lonely married man.

Anonymous August 12, 2008, 10:50 PM

And they wonder why we cheat and pay for sex. Sheep even look good after a while.

PrimitiveLogic August 12, 2008, 11:01 PM

One cant forget that sex must include that spark of desiring and of being desired. It is the juice that activates those primitive needs. I have been married 32 yrs and we still have extremely fulfilling sex. Frequency could be better but content is still hot. Our challenge is not to allow it to become an expectation…but an expression of love lust desire and intimacy.

rosie August 12, 2008, 11:06 PM

i am 34 yrs old and i have 4 kids 13,10,2 & 1. i am the same weight now that i was in high school and it is very very hard for me to get in the mood sometimes. it doesn’t mean that i love my huband any less or i am not attracted to him but i am very tired. maybe you super moms out there have a magic potion for me but after doing karate with my son and coach cheerleading to spend time with my daughter and take care of two small children and run my own housecleaning business….i am pretty whooped. but i think the worst part is that i can not take my husband hanging on my heels like a horny kid…panting down my neck and pouting because i don’t want to do it twice a day. please give me some advice to get that amazing sex back that we used to have. or something close like the desire for anything would help

John August 12, 2008, 11:11 PM

Women want to get married and then stop having sex. Can a man then just decide he doesnt feel like supporting her? He doesn’t get that choice.

Anonymous August 12, 2008, 11:12 PM

more women cheat then men. that is why they are tired when their husbands get home. men are so naive. If men are cheating who do you think they are cheating with? thats right, your wife(she still is getting it)

Ros August 12, 2008, 11:20 PM

more women cheat then men. All women know this and men are so naive. Why do you think your wife is too tired for you? because she already spent time between the sheets with another guy. If men are cheating who do you think they are cheating with? thats right, your wife!

Anonymous August 12, 2008, 11:23 PM

your wives are tired because they already got it from some other guy!

john August 12, 2008, 11:24 PM

When a couple marry, they both in concept agree to make concessions to one another. I a woman refuses her husband sex long enough, he will encounter someone that thinks he is just wonderful and that new person will become his sexual partner.

The wife just doesn’t know why he wandered, but the rest of us do, don’t we.

Mae August 12, 2008, 11:36 PM

Married men are boring as hell. Hold on to those conversations from before marriage cause once you’re married, they have nothing to say.

They completely quit trying, it’s not about sex, it’s about having some stimulating conversation that women seem to have with everybody else but their husbands. They are lazy and use 0.0001% of their brain.

Sara August 12, 2008, 11:37 PM

There are many reasons for this problem. Try a husband who is mostly impotent, and before this, was a premature ejaculator. Additionally, he lives in the basement watching t.v. and sleeping while I take care of three children. Hmmmmm….wonder why the sex has diminshed???? Oh, and by the way, I’m the one who has kept my shape and look ten years younger. I should be the one doing the roaming, but I do believe in trust. DON’T ALWAYS BLAME THE WOMAN. IT TAKES TWO TO RUIN A SEX LIFE.

kj August 13, 2008, 12:08 AM

Sex..good sex…great sex…the really good love making with your partner sex is developed over time, evolves into more than just the act, but something that ultimately connects two people together the way that nothing else can. Every person, regardless of race, size, or gender is deserving of this connection. I feel it is ignorant to judge these women and their lack of sex by their weight or lack of willingness. It takes all different kinds of people and sexualities to make the world go round…let them be. This isn’t a diet forum, is it? Why be so judgemental? Why intoduce the thought of infideltiy into what might be a perfectly good monogomous relationship by telling these women that if they don’t give it up, someone else will? That is not productive. That is not helpful, beneficial, or in my opion, good advice. The words you post here can’t be taken back, so be kind and helpful. A lot of the women reading these postings take them to heart, so maybe just try to be helpful instead of hurtful? If you want some truthful and honest feedback about your sex life, open up a dialogue with your spouse or significant other.

john August 13, 2008, 12:12 AM

we were never as bad as the women here but we only did it a few times a month. our schedules are not synced very well. we made time to take a 4 day cruise this was after 4 yrs of marriage. largly my idea but just the time we started finding to spend with each other planning the cruise setting a date, activities, etc spiced up are sex life. we just got to a point where we never took the time to enjoy each other without our son. it is a must you must find time to spend with each other without the kids. we are so much closer and are sex life is on fire now for the last 4 yrs. we have been married 8 yrs. also taking the vacation inspired my wife to lose some weight. we take one at least once a year. and always find a few weekend getaways for just us. a $300 dollar getaway a couple times a year will help set the mood and keep it going. much cheaper than divorce over not being happy. we are also closer now than ever. hope this helps someone…..

Anonymous August 13, 2008, 12:13 AM

jesus…I think I know why you went through 3 wives…and my guess is that it had little to do with them. Get a dictionary at least. Honestly…

Arbed6 August 13, 2008, 12:14 AM

My husband and I have been married 22 years this November and we have 4 children 9,13,20,24- I have multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, burcitis, chronic fatigue, and oseo arthritis. After my c-section with our last child, I am no longer to have orgasms( I used to have as many as I wanted!). We make love at least five times a week and I absolutely love it! Think about it, it is the one thing the two of you do with just each other. No kids,relatives, workmates. It is a wonderful way to reconnect after a hard day. If I’m too tired, I know that all I really have to do is lie there and , of course, I end up excited in the process. We never even bother with foreplay much because both of us are always ready for the other. It is nothing pornographic or kinky. Most times, it is just basic but we enjoy each other and fall asleep in one anothers’ arms every night. I actually enjoy sex more now that I don’t have orgasms because I like to focus on pleasing him now. I was hard for him at first -no pun intended- and he still tries but I make sure he knows that everything we do together is awesome just because it is part of us.

mee August 13, 2008, 12:19 AM

I too live with a sexless marriage,so for the past 20 plus years,Ive had great amazing sex with one intimate sex partner, who just happens to be exboyfriend. We see each other 3 times a week or more for booty call, and always have one or two dinnerdates too.I have needs too!!!!!
Life is good!!!

Anonymous August 13, 2008, 12:50 AM

Neither sex can be encouraged to “just do it” when there’s no interest whatsoever or they’re turned off completely. I’ve discovered that flirting with other men turns me on (because certainly hubby’s distance can’t).. and that excitement or arousal is taken directly to my him who’s usually disinterested due to his medication and age. Obviously, he’s most drawn to “pleasure me” when I’m being provocative but that’s all he’s able to accomplish. (ED which he refuses to be medicated for)

Sometimes it’s the woman.. but often it’s the husband. I’ve become acquainted with numerous married men whose wives refuse to allow themselves
even be seen naked let alone touched. These men are starved for attention and will “cheat” online if they’re hesitant to seek out an affair up close and personal.

Intimacy .. desperately required by some
but viewed as disgusting or annoying by
others. I happen to require it. Keeps me youthful and glowing, happy, upbeat
and lovely to look at.

drthepilot August 13, 2008, 1:08 AM

Why do “men” in this country even bother getting married. You can loose you home, children and self respect; then get charged big money (via child support, alimony, etc). Most states have a no fault divorce so what’s the point. The best I can figure is that this new wave of “men” are too afraid to go it alone. The only REAL winners are the damn lawyers.

A Believer a True Marriage August 13, 2008, 1:28 AM

Polly Amory on August 12, 2008 8:37 PM wrote:

“Everyone, men AND women, need an outside lover. Solves each gender’s complaints. Married sex only gets worse over the years, whereas illicit sex only gets better. Speaking from years of experience in an “open” marriage.”


Dear Polly Amory,

First off, you are wrong. No one “needs” an outside lover. One may lust for one, but never need.

Your “open” marriage is a great example of what is wrong with the American society today.

A real marriage does not include the acceptance nor involvement of extra-marital sex.

The fact that you are looking at sex in a purely carnal way is really quite sad.

PS: As from other examples written above, marriage does not require sex; however it necessitates a commitment to the partner and to God.

PPS: If having sex outside the marriage is your ‘solution’ to “each gender’s complaints” about sex, I can’t imagine what you ‘solution’ is to more important matters in life.


farzana August 13, 2008, 1:34 AM

married life without sex????

why dont these wives just end the marriage & start a sex-free life????


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