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Married Women Hate Sex

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Sexless marriage: Millions of moms are in one, yet it's taboo to talk about it. Momlogic asked 2,500 married women to reveal the dirty details about their sex lives after marriage and we were shocked by what we found--half found sex to be a depressing, embarrassing or a hassle! PLUS: Three moms and a deprived husband share their stories of sexless marriage. AND: Expert advice for spicing up your relationship.

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The most eye-opening findings:

50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle: We also found out that although 77% of the women claim their sex life is somewhat to very important to them, 54% of married women admit they're the ones who don't want to have sex.

According to 29% of married women, they're just too tired:Not too surprising--at least to those of us with young kids-- that this was the main reason women say they don't want to have sex.

What would women rather do than have sex?
• 24% would rather take a bubble bath.
• 26% would rather read a book.

Also, according to our survey:
• 23% of the women who have sex do it because they love their husbands and want to make him happy.
• 49% of the women have sex because they want it.
• 26% of the women surveyed say their sex lives took a turn for the worst after they had children.

Even momogic contributor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Shannon Fox was surprised by the results of our survey. "It is sad to see that half of the women polled described their sex lives as depressing, embarrassing or a hassle. That is a lot of unhappy women! That means that even the women who are having sex more often aren't happy with the quality of the sex they are having."

But on the flip side, although things look bleak when it comes to married sex, Shannon Fox says, "77% say of the women say that their sex life is important. I've found that the husbands in sexless marriages are often shocked to discover that their wives think sex is important. Spouses in sexless marriages often feel neglected and that their desires are unimportant to their mates."

Shannon Fox adds, "It is not surprising to see that the frequency of sex decreased for many couples after the birth of their first child. Many women report less opportunity for sex, dislike for their post-baby bodies and sheer exhaustion as the main killers of their sex lives after children."

According to statistics, living in a sexless marriage is VERY common; however, for some reason, it is still one of the most taboo subjects around. But we found three moms who invited us into their homes (and marriages) and shared their own experiences of being in a sexless marriage. And it's not all what you'd think...

A deprived husband turns to momlogic to help save his sexless marriage. Keep reading for the complete interview.

Check out our gallery and spice up your life life with an aphrodisiac.
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next: It's Official: Lap Dances and Kids Don't Mix
191 comments so far | Post a comment now
realistic August 13, 2008, 12:06 PM

response to Polly, it’s nice that an open marriage is working/worked for you..but I am gathering that some/most of these women are just preoccupied with other importances in life…KIDS, babies, LIFE…and I don’t feel that letting yourself wander into another mans arms will cure the lack of sex in someone’s own marriage..As a mother of a 5 month old, it’s taken a while to get back in the swing of things, so to speak, getting back to where you “feel” pretty again. Date night, scheduled alone time, babies off with a grandparent or baby sitter for a night really helps. Dinner, wine and intimate one on one conversations about LIFE and feelings help (in my experience)bring it all back in the bedroom. I think you need to be a whole person married to a whole person to make it work..not look for extra lovers outside the marriage…that’s why we get married to be with one person, right??

Diane August 13, 2008, 12:16 PM

Sex is the best recreation ever! I’d rather nap during the day when the babies nap and indulge myself in the evening, with or without my husband…
TV is a lousy substitute; who can make good lovin’ after being hypnotized to a near-death state! Turn it off, no TV after dinner, go straight to bed after the babes are sleeping and enjoy yourself, leave the dishes for tomorrow morning. Sex gets better the longer you are in the same relationship because you know what you want and the way you want it, and you tell each other. See if you could do one stroke and both climax, french connection. It’s the ultimate! Enjoy it while you got it, make up for lost time, or the day you may not have your partner beside you. There is nothing so lonely as laying beside your loved one, feeling unwanted…

Jami August 13, 2008, 12:23 PM

John it sounds like you and your wife have an excellent marriage.
I believe that marriage is a commitment. You both need to be open about your needs and wants in a marriage this includes sex. I can’t believe living in a sexless marriage other than for health problems. My husband is diabetic and we know that he may have sexual problems later on in life. I would never leave him no matter what, but while everything is working why not enjoy.
We have 3 children all under the age of 5. You can still find time even if it is on the bathroom floor while the kids are watching Wiggles.
Married sex keeps getting better. You can try things that you would not be comfortable trying with someone you did not know as intimately. Some new moves do not work as you think they might. As a couple you can laugh together and try something else. Also what you like sexually changes as your body changes after you give birth. Things that you loved before do not feel the same after. This gives you the chance to try new things to find what feels best to your new body.

MsK August 13, 2008, 1:06 PM

I’m married and 6 months pregnant. I couldn’t go a day without it.

shelley August 13, 2008, 1:13 PM

I agree with Mags,come on ladies enjoy sex ,it’s wonderful.

Dave August 13, 2008, 1:21 PM

My wife and I used to be wild in bed. Of course, that was before we had our first child. Now that we have two wonderful kids, who are blessings from God, our sex life as well as our intimacy has struggled immensely. More or less, it seems when we’re connecting with each other mentally and helping each other with parental duties that our physical touching increases and sometimes leads to a very sensual encounter. But mostly, when the kids aren’t around or they’re in bed, that’s when our odds of being with each other increases by leaps and bounds. The greatest thing about our marriage is that we’re best friends and we communicate with each other about our sexual needs. Although it’s usually me doing the talking, she’s recently begun to tell me she’s at least thinking about us having sex more but the timing just wasn’t right. Just like everything else, we’ll get through it and eventually, maybe, we’ll have a flashback to the our dating days.

Holly August 13, 2008, 3:19 PM

This is absolutely ridiculous. Who doesn’t like sex? I’m married and LOVE it. It gets to the point sometimes that I’M pestering HIM for sex.

AnnaBeth August 13, 2008, 3:27 PM

Who do they poll for these studies??? After 10+ years of marriage I am ready, willing and able!

AnnaBeth August 13, 2008, 3:34 PM

Who do they poll for these studies??? After 10+ years of marriage I am ready, willing and able!

A guy August 13, 2008, 3:40 PM

I’m a guy.

I don’t want to: take out the trash, do the dishes, mow the lawn, service the car, change diapers, tell you how that outfit looks, and many, many other things.

But I do it, don’t I?

I do my jobs, I expect her to so the same. Marriage is about compromise, giving, participation, ets.

drysdale 1369 August 13, 2008, 4:39 PM

It’s NOT cheating if all you are doing is replacing what you’re not getting, that should be there.

Jennifer J. August 13, 2008, 6:11 PM

Man, those women need to lighten up. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years, and we do it every night. (plus we have 2 small children!)

Sometimes he has to tell me HE has a headache!

Jazz August 13, 2008, 6:25 PM

PM—- Why get married if it’s going to be “open”? That’s just stupid. Marriage is about commitment to one another. Not one another plus one. That is why you take vows! If you know who to keep it interesting, sex does not get worse.

No way August 13, 2008, 6:30 PM

Comment to A Guy. It is not a womans JOB to have sex with her spouse. It is something that is mutual and enjoyed by both. Get over yourself!!!

Jenni August 13, 2008, 7:09 PM

I’ll be honest, I’m not a mom, but this conversation definitely applies to me, so permit me to have my say.

My husband and I no longer have sex, I’d say it’s been over a year since the last time.

I have multiple medical issues, some of which cause sex to be excruciatingly painful, and I’ve gotten no answer from multiple gyn’s on how to remedy this.

My husband and I are together over 13 years, and are very much each other’s best friends, and we’re very open on this subject. We both feel terrible for the other about it, there’s no resentment. We cuddle and laugh a lot, and I take care of his needs, while I go without.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind a bit if he were to have a meaningless fling, just to “trim his claws”, so to speak, so long as he doesn’t have an affair of the heart, which I know he’d never do anyway.

I know he’d be better off without me, that I’m a burden with all my health problems. But he loves me, and tells me all the time that whatever life deals us, it’s ok as long as we do it together. I’m a lucky gal, and I cherish him!

We both feel very lucky to have the other, and in every other aspect of our relationship is perfect! I often say I wish everyone’s marriage was as great as ours is. The key is honesty, humor and loads of love.

Tammie August 13, 2008, 7:43 PM

You know, It is the opposite for me. I want/need sex every night but my husband is often too tired. I love sex and use it to unwind and to feel close to him. I think I’ll get him some vitamins!

RGP August 14, 2008, 12:18 AM

To many men are infact not sencitive to the needs of thier spouse, normally communication is the 1st thing to go then from there it gets worse. If you really want to keep your maarriage togther Trust in God the ole saying the Family that prays together stays together. This is fact true in most of the split ups I have seen in the past 50 years, there was no regonition of any type of prayer or upper power in the marriages I know about. I dont mean to be preaching but it is clear You put God first and everything else will fall right into place…

RGP

LEE August 14, 2008, 7:24 PM

ALL MOMS SHOULD BE PROUD OF THE JOB THAT THEY ARE DOING. TAKING ARE OF A FAMILY, WORKING AND PLEASING A HUSBAND IS NOT EASY. PEOPLE SHOULD GET MARRIED FOR MANY REASONS NOT JUST LOVE. IF YOUR HUSBAND CHEATS ON YOU (FOR WHATEVER REASON YOU COULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM)HE IS A LOSER AND YOU SHOULD NOT WANT TO BE WITH HIM ANYWAY. IF YOU MARRIED HIM BECAUSE YOU BOTH AGREED THAT TOGETHER YOU HAVE THE BEST SEX THAT YOU EVER HAD THAN YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO HAVE GREAT SEX WITH EACH OTHER. IF YOU MARRIED FOR MONEY, KEEP THE MONEY COMING IN. IF YOU MARRIED FOR COMPANIONSHIP KNOW THAT YOUR FRIEND MAY GAIN WEIGHT OR GO BALD. IF YOU MARRIED TO START A FAMILY PLEASE REALIZE THAT THE CHILDREN COME FIRST. SO WHAT IF YOUR MATE WAS IN AN ACCIDENT AND COULD NOT HAVE SEX WHAT THEN? IF YOU LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, GREAT FOR YOU. IF NOT LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM HIM/HER YEARS AFTER MARRIAGE.

Boo August 15, 2008, 12:14 PM

A lot of the mens true blue color comes out after you are married also. So not only the women go thru changes such as weight gain (due to having children) and the “not so sexy” look to their husbands but men acutally change too! For instance for the first few years do men actually burp, pas gas, leave skid marks (not only in their shorts, but in the toilet also) for the women to clean up and do all these nasty things in front of you not to mention at the dinner table while you are eating or pass gas during sex? NO, but after you are married all the disgusting habits just seem to pop up every day. Go in and use the bathromm for AN HOUR and then leave the door open for the whole family to enjoy their stench!! It is so OK for men to gain weight it is not an issue for him or his wife. This kind of crap is really not a turn on for women. Maybe men could grow up and clean up once in a while, maybe their women would find THEM more attractive and want them more. It is not very often but yes this is why women CHEAT too, becasue of the slob they live with!! It is not that we hate sex, it is the partner and performance!!

Monica Abel August 15, 2008, 3:08 PM

I am one of the women in the video and I would like to set the record straight. What you don’t hear me say anywhere in the video is that my husband works nights and I work part time during the day. About once every six weeks we may have the same day off. (He is on roating days off for he is a police officer) We do not see each other….when I am home awake he is in bed sleeping for he has to work at night. When he is awake, he is working for I am at home sleeping. Therefore I am not making excuses…we hardly see each other. Would I ike to have sex with my husband more? Absolutely! However our working arrangements are for the sake of our three children since we cannot afford daycare and for now we are dealing with it.


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