Sleep is the New Sex

Saturday, September 6, 2008

filed under: love & sex

Guest blogger Dani Klein Modisett: I didn't have sex with my husband last night. Not news really, except that I intended to. Earlier in the day I put on some jeans that fit and brushed my hair and thought, "Gee, we should have sex tonight!"

couple in bed with wife asleep saying no really i'm awake let's have sex zzzzz

I caught up with a friend on the phone (both our children started kindergarten this week) after making dinner and feeding everyone, then walked my 13-month-old around the block 10 times to get him to sleep and came home and sat on the couch. I drifted off somewhere between Sarah Palin lambasting Obama and The Daily Show. My husband refuses to take advantage of me when I'm not awake, so no sex was had.

We had sex last week because I got back from a 10-day trip without him and even though I was more tired than when I left for this "vacation," he looked cute and was so happy to see me and we were lying on the bed after the kids were asleep and what started out as hand-holding...escalated.

It's not like we never have sex, or even have sex bi-annually, which I hear can happen. But most of the time, given my druthers, I'd rather pull a big soft pillow next to me and pass out. I guess my husband was sharing this painful reality with a female co-worker who has two small children and she said,

"Sure. Don't you know? Sleep is the new sex."

Tod came home and told me this and I felt much better.

As long as we are being chic in our waning intimacy, we really can't complain.

Dani Klein is the mom of two boys, and the creator/producer of Afterbirth...Stories You Won't Read in Parents Magazine.

29 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

First there are only three things you have to do to keep a man happy. 1. Say thank you for bringing home a pay check. 2. Feed him. 3. Say yes when he wants it. Second Remember every one feels better after an orgasm! If you are not getting your O every time you have not negotiated well enough. Sex is the glue that keeps a marriage together.

- True Lady

Posted 09/07/08 10:35 AM

Sleep instead of sex? Too much of that and you will find yourself divorced. The writer of this article can’t get excited over her man so she pretends it’s some new trend. STUPID! Marriage takes effort. Women want to cut there husbands off from sex because they are “just not interested anymore” and wonder why their men wander? Men want and need sex from the women they love. IF they can’t get it then who has broken their vows? The wife who is withholding sex from her husband has broken her marriage vows. So all bets are off after this type of self-centered thinking becomes evident.

- CMD

Posted 09/07/08 12:31 PM

This cracks me up. My husband and I were talking the other night and he said to me, “we’re both awake, we should have sex.” I laughed and told him that was the most romantic thin he had ever said to me (I was being sarcastic). I just think it’s funny that most of all the men on here instantly go to ‘the husband is sleeping with someone else’…well darlin’s that may be what you do…and Heaven help ya…but if that’s what you have to do to be happy in your marriage…then you go for it cause your marriage is missing way more than sex!! Sweet dreams!!

- Sandi

Posted 09/07/08 06:47 PM

WH I feel bad for you…perhaps it is time to seek counseling. A woman that loves her husband desires her husband, tired or not. I not only have sex with my husband for myself but for HIM. I want him to be happy and fulfilled. This is called being unselfish. Something apparently your wife doesn’t understand. I am not saying you should up and leave her but I do recommend you go to a good, qualified counselor and find out what the real reason for not having sex is. Perhaps her hormones are out of wack and she has no sex drive. Or, maybe there was some abuse in her past. You never know but you need to find out. If it comes down to her just not wanting to be intimate with you because she doesn’t love you then please do move one. Why live in a marriage where there is no love? I have four children and two very young grandchildren. I am dead tired at the end of the day but I re-energize myself with a well deserved bath and sex with my husband. It doesn’t have to be mind blowing everytime. Sometimes just a quickie will do or even just a little oral sex :) Of course, there are some times when we are both just too exhausted. He runs a floor in a hospital so I know he works his butt off everyday. His reward for that hard work- ANYTHING HE WANTS. I love my husband. He is a great provider, a great father, and a great lover. Men have feelings too ladies! WH I applaud you for sticking with it for so long but please get counseling. You and your wife definetly need it. You are missing out on something beautiful between two people that truly love each other. Intimacy… My husband sent me a text message recently that said, “What a wonderful evening, a total connection between lovers and partners on my account.” That sums up what sex represents for us. I hope you have that one day with your wife.

- CK1

Posted 09/08/08 03:07 PM

maybe you guys should go help your wives with the kids so she is not tired later to have sex, instead blogglin in a mom website. no wonder shes tired! you guys are sitting around on the internet while shes with the kids!

- Evelyn

Posted 09/09/08 10:11 PM

I think it is ok if sleep is the new sex for the frist year. If my husband got up and much as I do at night, listened to his snoring and did all the house keeping he would be wiped too so I think as long as sex is had on a semi regular basis( 6 times a month about) it is ok children are an adjustment for eveyone. Maybe men should stop focusing on what they aren’t getting and think about what they are getting. Children are in my mind the greatest joy ever! Trying at times but the good out weigths the bad ten fold.

- LAM

Posted 12/16/08 05:11 PM

There are so many whiny women on this site it’s pathetic. Better to just pay for your sex with a “professional”. Get better sex without any of the whining!

- AAA

Posted 02/02/09 12:36 AM

Very nice site!

- John1626

Posted 05/08/09 04:59 AM

Very nice site!

- John1368

Posted 06/09/09 11:20 PM

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