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Sleep is the New Sex: The Aftermath

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Guest blogger Dani Klein Modisett: My post about preferring sleep over sex has received over 10,000 hits from various websites. I wish I could write that it didn't bother me, but I'm new at this.

Woman using phone
I'm not gonna lie: I'm new at this blogging game. But for a former comic with two children, it's a pretty great gig. I still get to throw my opinions out there -- hopefully with wit -- only now I don't have to hang out at nightclubs until two in the morning.

I've had my share of hecklers as a stand-up comic, but never have I experienced the scathing and specific feedback from things I've said onstage as I have from the recent post I wrote, called Sleep is the New Sex.

And what a shame. Because you can only imagine how heartwarming it was to drink my morning coffee in my sexy flannel pajamas and read "Your marriage is over" from one caring soul. Or the more empathetic: "Welcome to the end of your marriage. Goodbye."

Not to mention this helpful insight, "Your husband is sleeping with that female co-worker. Sincerely, Schooly."

I'm glad he was sincere. It's easy to brush off comments like "You suck" or "You're not funny, show us your tits!" in a dimly lit club from a drunk asshole, but some of these posts were no doubt written sober, in broad daylight. Ouch.
 
I quickly forwarded the most strongly worded comments to my husband at his brothel -- I mean office -- and then I called him.
 
"So what do you think?"
 
"I think it's great."
 
"What's great? Sex with your co-worker?"
 
"Honey, that's ridiculous, I'm not sleeping with my co-worker."
 
"Yet."
 
"Honey, come on.  You know I can't afford a girlfriend."
 
It's an ongoing joke between the two of us that only rich guys have girlfriends. That's because -- to compensate for not being your wife -- girlfriends have a lot of material needs. We're not rich.
 
I am 98% sure my husband is not cheating on me, but the remaining 2% has aroused a few dormant jealousy cells -- which I'm sure my husband would argue is a good thing.
 
Dani Klein ModisettDani Klein Modisett is the mother of 1-year-old Gideon (pictured) and 5-year-old Gabriel. She is comedy writer/creator/producer of the show "Afterbirth...stories you won't read in Parents magazine." An anthology of stories from this show will be published by St. Martin's Press, in stores in May 2009.
David Duchovny Jim Bakker


next: NY Fashion Week: WTF
1 comments so far | Post a comment now
Allen November 5, 2008, 10:09 PM

My wife now prefers sleep to sex. We’ve been married over 10 years and she says I’m a great husband and she’s attracted to me, etc., just that she’s “too tired”. I now hate her because of her new-found “sexuality” and wish I wasn’t married to her. Be careful the direction you are heading, flannels and all. It sneaks up on you and the damage to your husband will eventually go very deep.


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