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The Childless Bitch on Back to School: Page 2

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1. 10 minutes are added to my morning commute because your lousy kid can't climb the school bus stairs quicker.  Last time I checked it was called the short bus, not the slow bus.

2. My beloved Target is in shambles thanks to psychotic moms tearing up the aisles trying to figure out the difference between college and wide-ruled.  Why is a hunt for No. 2 pencils cause for pandemonium? Do kids even use pencils anymore? Aren't they too busy texting each other in broken English?

3. No more cheap child labor.  I'm forced to hire a professional dog walker and lawn care service because your kid had to return to class.  Let's be honest--I've seen that vacant stare in Timmy's eyes.  No diploma is saving him from a career in mower riding, so why not forget school and let him get a head start on my crabgrass?

4. Head lice.

5. My local supermarket looks like a third world country because you packed Can't Believe He's Going to College Clark with enough rations and toiletries for his 5-year plan. P.S.--he's selling that food for drugs.

6. All the fall clothes in my size are completely sold out thanks to your teenage princess receiving a new outfit for every day of the week.  I can't decide--are you moms consumed with constant guilt or just complete suckers?  Probably both. Who do I need to speak to about school uniforms?

10 Complaints from the Childless Bitch on PAGE 3

16 comments so far | Post a comment now
Gilly September 4, 2008, 9:09 AM

I get that this is probably in jest but wow. Surely you have better things to do with your time than write this kind of stuff.
I’m not suggesting we all hold hands and sing spirituals here but seriously, there are enough headaches to go around so why create more?

Dee September 4, 2008, 11:26 AM

You’re wrong Gilly, she doesnt’ have better things to do….she’s childless, remember?!?

Crystal R September 4, 2008, 11:58 AM

Boo friggin’ Hoo! These same children your complaining about are the ones that will eventually take care of you in a nursing home, wiping your ass and changing your diapers when your elderly because you have no family or children to take care of you. They’ll be spoon feeding you mashed bananas and wiping your chin when you drool it out. So keep on complaing about them now, but in 60 years you’ll need them around.

Kate September 4, 2008, 12:43 PM

what’s up with multi-page posts all of a sudden? why can’t you just publish the article on one page instead of making us click to continue the story? And if you’re going to keep this up, why don’t you save the comments until the end of the article?

tzdelar September 4, 2008, 1:55 PM

(Ditto) Wow. Attitude. Bitterness. Sounds like a very self-centered person, who hates life and some people. I don’t know…can such person even understand the subject of moms being happy to have some peace and quiet in the house and actually be able to get something done now that kids are back in school? I’m not sure they can understand, so why write about it like this? Is she bitter deep inside cuz she doesn’t have kids? I hope thats not the issue. So why attack us who do?

foxymama September 4, 2008, 7:25 PM

Remember life without kids moms - it was a little disenchanting. Give her a break. She calls herself a bitch for a reason.

Anna September 4, 2008, 10:31 PM

1 and 6 are totally true. The rest, get over it. Actually, number 1 can be prevented by leaving for work early, so I guess the leaves numeral 6.

sherry September 4, 2008, 10:35 PM

I would appreciate this post more if it were actually funny, but it didn’t even manage that. It mostly just made me yawn.

praying4baby#2 September 5, 2008, 1:28 AM



seriously!! September 5, 2008, 7:49 AM

I hope she never experiences this joy, she is to self centered.

Linney5680 September 5, 2008, 8:55 AM

did she forget that she once was a kid?!?

Linney5680 September 5, 2008, 9:03 AM

ALSO, if she is childless, why is she on this site???? why doesn’t she start an anti-child site???? it is called “mom-logic”, so if your not a mom, or thinking of being a mom, or about to be a mom WHY ARE YOU HERE??? we enjoy our children….EVERYTHING about them, even the sometimes annoying things….it’s not easy, but your parents took care of you and took you all these places…you don’t think that you irritated someone?

Cindy September 5, 2008, 10:19 AM

“what’s up with multi-page posts all of a sudden? why can’t you just publish the article on one page instead of making us click to continue the story? And if you’re going to keep this up, why don’t you save the comments until the end of the article?”

By doing it this way, they can get twice the advertising bucks. Advertisers decide to buy their slots by knowing how many hits and pageviews any given page draws. The more hits/pageviews they get, the more chance of someone advertising within their pages :) Hope this explanation helps.

Rikki September 5, 2008, 4:51 PM

In regard to #6: CB complains about clothing being sold out…I am curious why this woman is wearing teenager’s clothing?

Love it November 14, 2008, 10:01 AM

I can agree with most her post,Mamas! don’t act as if you don’t have a problem with a CB becuase you do. Most people I come across that have children are always so negative when I talk about what trips I am planning or what I am doing over the weekend, as if it wasn’t their chioce to give up their lives for kids. It was my choice not to have kids and your choice to have kids so get over it and don’t be mad when we are lying around on the beach with our perfect bodies and no children screaming our names. I have 6 God children and I enjoy being able to take them home at the end of the week or day, that’s how I choose it to be.

DW April 30, 2009, 11:39 AM

Call me crazy, but isn’t the CB blog supposed to be a humorous one? If so, then CB is writing H*U*M*O*R*O*U*S commentary, working in the humor genres of hyperbole and cynicism. Granted, this kind of humor is not everyone’s cup of tea. But too many of the comments I just read seem to stem from treating CB’s remarks as a bit more serious than they were intended. CB is obviously making jokes about the good news and bad news about the back-to-school season. I want to give momlogic some props for even having this blog amidst all the others that celebrate motherhood, parenthood and so on. Plenty of Americans who don’t have kids walk around day in and day out thinking, in the privacy of their own minds, the kind of things CB writes, and of course would never harm a child or intentionally offend a parent.

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