The Momlife Crisis

Friday, September 19, 2008

Have you hit yours?

The trophy wife, the convertible, the lap dances ... yes, that's right -- we're talking about the classic midlife crisis. No one thinks twice when it happens to men. But when it happens to mothers, it's an entirely different story.

But when it happens to mothers, it's an entirely different story -- and so we thought it deserved an entirely different name. That's right, ladies ... welcome to your Momlife Crisis.

Jodi*, a soon to be 40-year-old working mom from suburban New York might have put it best: "I feel that in my 30s it was about responsibilities. You're married now, you're paying bills and having children. I lost a decade where I gave to everyone but to me. I lost my individuality."

For so many moms, trying to find that individuality again is what sparks the crisis. It's waking up as Jodi did and finding that the past several years of your life went by in a blur. Sure, she has two wonderful kids to show for it, but sometimes, that's simply not enough. "Life went in the wrong direction -- I'd love to go out and do something I love but because I'm a mom, instead I have to go to back-to-school nights. What I wouldn't give to not have to go home and pack lunches and answer to anyone."

Now don't get the wrong idea here -- it's not that these moms want to totally ditch the family (although they might fantasize about it sometimes). But for many moms, it's about finally putting their foot down and making their needs as much of a priority as everyone else in your family. This isn't being selfish, it's survival.

Jodi is working on her solution. She runs regularly: "It's therapy cause I'm by myself -- alone and I let my mind go." She also enrolled in an art class as well and mastered some insane moves in her pole-dancing class. (See, husbands can actually benefit from a Momlife crisis.)

And then (of course) there are the countless moms who deal with their Momlife crisis in their own way: a boob job, Botox, a tummy tuck or even an affair. Whatever your solution, just make it a point to find that thing that makes you feel better about yourself. Because remember, you're a mother -- not a martyr.

*Jodi's name has been changed

12 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Trish, read this!

- Ann

Posted 09/19/08 02:42 PM

Mom Life Crisis- I love it. I ward it off by taking dasys here and there where I don’t answer to anyone. because my husband travels 6-9 months out of the year, sometimes when he gets home I take off for a momcation. I also try to read stuff that’s not kid related, and still listen to my music. But it can definitely be a battle- there’s days when all I sing in my head is Backyardigans.

- Rock and Roll Mama

Posted 09/19/08 02:54 PM

Right on!! The problem is we don’t know what do do about it without feeling or looking selfish. I for one am sick of doing everything for everyone else and nothing for myself. But that is seriously about to change - Thanks!!

- jeannie

Posted 09/19/08 06:19 PM

my friends and I were talking about this last night over a rare night out. How funny that you actually gave it a name and get it.

- Anonymous

Posted 09/19/08 10:07 PM

i think we all need to have a mom life crisis. we deserve the break and to pamper ourselves! i might not go for the tummy tuck, though, sounds too painful. but perhaps my MLC could prompt a trip to the Bahamas…solo!

- Helen

Posted 09/20/08 09:12 AM

I am going through something like this right now. My youngest just started high school and I just don’t know what to do with myself these days - besides doing the laundry and running teenagers around in the car. I really want to find something for ME, but I don’t know what.

- momto3

Posted 09/20/08 09:28 AM

WOW, I knew I wasn’t the only one that felt this way but I didn’t no there were so many of us. It hit me hard when I turned 39 - the grey hair, the unappreciation, losing looks and figure, kids age 3&5 sucking every extra bit of energy we have out of us and a workaholic husband.

- grovermama

Posted 09/22/08 11:23 AM

Momlife crisis!!! That’s wonderful. It would explain a lot of how I’ve been feeling about myself and my situation of late. My issue I think is not only the “mom”life crisis, but also the male version “mid”life crisis. I think any single mom gets both crisis’, because they have to play mom and dad 24/7. So, sometimes you totally forget who you are, mom, dad, CRAZY? lol Have a happy “mom”life crisis everyone!

- jess

Posted 09/22/08 06:56 PM

thanks for making me laugh about something that has had me in tears every single day for the past few weeks..who knew there was a name for it

- Anonymous

Posted 09/23/08 02:05 PM

Is there a cruise line for those of us going through a MLC? I think we should all meet on a cruise and enjoy it.

- Becky

Posted 09/23/08 03:16 PM

I work 3 nights a week from 6:30 pm to 3:00 am. After getting home around 3:30 am, making sure the house has not been destroyed in my absence and then finally getting into bed, I get about 3 hrs of sleep before I am up again to get my middle schooler off to the bus. I then get to nap about 30 minutes before my elementary child is up and getting ready to head out for the day. After 8:30 I then get the pleasure of picking up my destroyed home, and maybe by noon am able to get a little nap in before my middle schooler is home again at 2:45 pm. HELP!!! Talk about MOMCRISIS Anyone else want to join me on a much needed vacation???

- Major Crisis

Posted 09/24/08 08:46 AM

I’m a stay at home Mom. We have one 14 yr. old daughter. When she doesn’t have alot of homework, she will give me a “break” like wash a load of dishes or laundry. Without me asking! I also try to make time for myself by actually SCEDULING it in my cell calendar. Whether it’s surfing online, reading a book, talking to a friend, or lunching with one. If I need a change of scenery, I will go to the library or go to one of my favorite secondhand stores. If my daughter is unable to give me a break, then I ask my cousin, who is a senior in high school to come help out for $20.00. I think this blogging helps also. That way we know we are NOT crazy or alone. Also, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask our hubby, or significant other for help! God Bless.

- Tracy

Posted 09/25/08 01:29 AM