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Top 14 Signs You Are No Longer Cool

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Have you cashed in on your hipster status for motherhood?

Our post Mom Officially Loses Her Cool resonated with our readers. Apparently, since having kids, many moms think they've lost their edge. We get it -- it's hard be hip when you're wiping spit up off your shoulder -- and don't even get us started on mom jeans.

Think you may have lost your cool?  If you answer YES to four or more of the following questions, it's time to face the fact that your hipster days -- like your flat stomach -- are far, far behind you. 

  1. Forget the hottest Prada or Kate Spade -- do you only have eyes for Petunia Picklebottom?

  2. When checking out the latest live music listings, are the only names you recognize are the '90s revival bands?

  3. Is your TIVO currently set to at least one Nickelodeon show?

  4. Are you clueless when it comes to where the hottest restaurants are, but can pinpoint every play area in a ten-mile radius of your house?

  5. Are you 20 years too late to shop at Forever 21?

  6. Do you know the name of every tween star under contract with Disney?

  7. Has your underwear gone from thong, to bikini, to granny panty?

  8. Can you identify all of the Jonas Brothers  -- just by their hair?

  9. Is the last time you saw a grown-up movie when Jennifer and Brad were still married?

  10. Have you ever looked in the window of an Easy Spirit shoe store and thought to yourself "Wow, those look so comfortable!"?

  11. In adult conversation, do you spell out words like "S-E-X" and "V-O-D-K-A-T-O-N-I-C"?

  12. Are the only demi cups in your house used for tea?

  13. When digging in your purse for lipstick, do you pull out any of the following: pacifier, Matchbox car, fossilized animal cracker?

  14. Has getting "drinks with the girls"  turned into juice boxes with the girls?

Agree or disagree with the results? Comment below!

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19 comments so far | Post a comment now
Shanna September 19, 2008, 5:53 PM

#15. You actually look forward to heading to Target for a shopping spree.

Aradia September 19, 2008, 6:07 PM

So cute…and true! Can you do one for the dads? *lol*

Naomi September 19, 2008, 6:36 PM

the only one that actually applies to me is:

“When digging in your purse for lipstick, do you pull out any of the following: pacifier, Matchbox car, fossilized animal cracker?”

but I also pulled out random cookies and toys from my purse pre-baby! lol

mary September 19, 2008, 7:38 PM

wow the only one that applies to me is maybe the forever 21 one. But because I just can’t fit in the clothes their anymore. They are made way to short haha. I guess Im not a good judge considering my son is 14 so I dont have to deal with the toys in the purse or the disney tween queens.

Devilish Southern Belle September 19, 2008, 7:47 PM

Yay! I’m apparently still hip! However, my kids are teenagers now, so that helps as far as not knowing about play areas and pulling out matchstick cars.

Just wait till your kids grow up some….then you can be hip again!

sarah September 19, 2008, 9:22 PM

I see myself in lots of those, but I did just buy myself a pair of jeans in the JUNIORS dept. at Macy’s! My 12 year was not impressed, however…

Wendi September 20, 2008, 12:52 AM

Man now I feel even older. I fit into most of those, so sad :( Only plus is that teenagers actually like hanging out at my house and with me. We all have a great time talking and playing games and joking around. So I guess I’m getting old, but still kind of cool :)

joy September 20, 2008, 1:46 AM

I apply to practically all of these, my oldest is seven and I feel so much like my mother….here is one….Do you purposely start a conversation with the cashier at a store just to have a true excuse for being gone from the kids that much longer, Or how about….Do you miss a credit card payment just so you can have and adult to talk to in the middle of the day! HaHa my favorites!

Tiffiney September 20, 2008, 11:05 PM

Well, I guess I am still pretty cool then. I just moved to a new town…I don’t even think there is a play area in the small … town…no cars in my purse :)just…still didn’t make it to four of them tho. …so you are looking at one cool chick!!! Well, in my mind I am at post!

Tracy September 21, 2008, 2:09 AM

Hi! That’s a cute list. My daughter is now a 14 yr. old freshman. I have never been able to wear the smaller clothes & always have loved the granny panties! Lol, my daughter & her friend’s usually say I’m the cool Mom. So as long as I have their approval, I don’t worry:}

Suzanne Eller September 21, 2008, 10:27 AM

No granny panties but not thongs either cuz they just get on my nerves, no crackers in the purse, no mom jeans, and I shopped at Forever 21 yesterday, though the L size was too tight in the jacket even though I’m a size 10, but found some very fun earrings and bracelets. : ) Semi-cool? Semi-uncool? Maybe, but I don’t really care. : ) Fun post.

praying4baby#2 September 21, 2008, 2:47 PM



priiacosmetics September 22, 2008, 2:16 PM

Oh I am not cool anymore according to this test. It’s bad when you can sing the entire theme song for ‘The Suite Life of Zack and Cody’. Argh.

Julie maloney September 23, 2008, 3:18 PM

Okay, Awesome. I twittered back before looking. This is hilarious. I am happy to stay that if I’m going by your chart, I’m still pretty darn cool.

Ange September 25, 2008, 12:50 AM

Yay, I’m still cool! (I knew that. :b ) Only 1 out of all of ‘em!

rugbymom January 12, 2009, 5:21 PM

LMAO! Hysterical! Esp. #11. Cute Idea Aradia, about 1 for the Dads..Mine is a Dad of 2 Girls and a female German Sheppard..waaaaayyyy to much estrogen for him! Bless his heart.

Beth in SF September 9, 2009, 4:15 PM

LOL good stuff. I can say yes to about half of them. So…I’m half cool? :)

Rita November 9, 2009, 6:24 PM

Who the hell is Petunia Picklebottom???

Yeah, I buy thongs from Victoria’s Secret. I prefer thongs and tend to wear them every day. I can’t stand pantylines, I think they’re tacky.

My 8 year old loves Disney and true, I know a couple of girls from her favorite shows but I think it’s cool.

I don’t give a crap about the Jonas Brothers and fortunately neither does my daughter.

Whatever. Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I have to lose my identity.

Jada December 29, 2009, 8:58 AM

I have a better way to determine if you’re still cool.

When you walk through the mall, or anywhere else teenagers and 20 sompins congregate, do they notice and acknowledge your existence with an appreciating glance? Or do they look through you as if you weren’t even there?

No matter how cool we think we may be, that right there will prove the theory one way or the other, without interference from our egos.

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