Continued from When Daddy Has a Favorite, Page 1.

My oldest received generic shoes, the youngest received name brand. 

The oldest received a football jersey from an unknown team, a reject T-shirt from a department store lot of clothes. The biological child was wearing the NFL champ's jersey. 

The oldest son was told to get a drink of water from the faucet while the youngest was handled ice cold spring water.

The oldest walked with me on Halloween. The youngest was always on dad's shoulders. 

Despite gentle prompts, my husband would not discontinue the favoritism. One afternoon, I actually heard my husband ask Ian if he was retarded because he couldn't tie his own shoes yet. The favoritism became a debilitating wedge in the marriage -- and I asked for a divorce for the sake of my older son's emotional well-being.

Then the unthinkable occurred ... during the divorce proceedings, my husband asked to abandon his legal responsibilities to his adopted son. He stood before a judge and asked to be relieved of his daddy duties in regards to Ian. The judge sat in disbelief and told my husband he would not illegitimize our child. 

So my husband did the next best thing -- he ended all communication with Ian forever. He took Hayden on exotic vacations and Ian was left behind. He sent Hayden home with extravagant toys and candy with nothing for Ian. Weekend visits always excluded Ian.

Ian began to suffer from depression at just six years old. He lived at the school nurse with stomach aches and diarrhea. He chewed his fingernails down to nothing. He chewed the collars off his shirts and cried frequently. Now 11 years old, Ian has been in therapy extensively for five years and his depression must be managed with medication. 

My two sons, once friends, are now battling with resentment for one another on a daily basis. It is heartbreaking as a mother to be a bystander to such sadness. Imagine your ex-husband calling the house for one son, while the other son listens in, feeling neglected and unloved by his father. There is no textbook for such cruelty -- and I feel alone in my sadness. I fear my own death because I do not want Ian to feel alone and isolated. I fear Ian and Hayden will not be friends as adults, always separated by the enemy line my ex-husband created in them. 

Two years ago, on Mother's Day, my ex-husband emailed me to beg once again to relinquish his rights as a father to Ian. The torture does not seem to end.

I often wonder if I am alone in this situation, if there are other mothers who have endured such debilitating grief associated with adoption. There are days I want to curl up into a tight ball and cry for weeks. There are days I am filled with such anger and hatred towards my ex-husband. On the days when Ian places his sweet face on his pillow and asks "What did I do wrong?," my insides crumble and pain takes on a whole new meaning. No child should have to endure such cruelty. 

No child should have to cry the tears Ian and Hayden cry.

We have been in therapy as a family for years and our therapy will continue the rest of our lives as we heal from this devastating experience that I wish no mother, or her precious children, will ever have to endure. In the meantime, I rely on my faith and my equal and undying love for both of my children to bring peace and bright sunshine to our lives.