I Chose My Hair Over My Crying Baby

 

Of course, mine is also throwing a temper tantrum that I am ignoring at the moment. Why a tantrum? I won’t let him watch T.V. Why ignoring? By the time I finished this he’s stopped crying and is happily playing with his trucks!

- Summer

Posted 10/13/08 03:38 PM

 

 

I agree strongly with most of the other writers. A child has to learn very early to have some patience, as long as they are not hungry, wet or hurt this can be healthy only if they are not sickly type children. We love them with all our hearts but they don’t need to be center stage at all times just because they want your undivided attention. Also mothers lets not forget that the nanny’s are our helpers not the parents at times parents depend on them too much rearing our children, in this working society. OOps!!!!!!

- Liinda

Posted 10/13/08 04:49 PM

 

 

Wow. I cannot believe some of the things I have read here. Do not feel guilty. You were running late and had an off day. You sound like a wonderful and attentive mom, and your little one is lucky to have you and a nanny to make her feel loved. Maybe, as someone said above, it is time for her to learn to entertain herself when you are busy. And transitions are never simple.

- Sousani

Posted 10/13/08 05:39 PM

 

 

i don’ think u did anything wrong as long as the kids are fine and not hurt then do what u gotta do to get ready for work, i stay home with my 2nd child and i miss working, my 6 yr old entertains herself. so to all the so called “supermoms” get over yourselves and give credit to where credit is due at least shes working and not being lazy, she probably a single mom. so back off

- cat

Posted 10/13/08 05:55 PM

 

 

do not feel guilty! Children do not need our attention all the time. todays parents seem to think that they have to spend so much time just entertaining there kids, and that is why so many are spoiled rotten these days and think that they have to have the attention in every situation. So many kids today are annoying because of it.

- Joan

Posted 10/13/08 10:34 PM

 

 

Ya know, I’ve learned a lot since my girls were babies. I know that carrying them is hard as they get bigger, but good for them. Holding them, talking to them and looking into their eyes makes for strong, loving connections. Laughing with them matters a lot. Letting them know that if they really need me I’m always there helps them develop the confidence to try, stretch their wings and give themselves more chances if they fail. Cheering their efforts helps them conquer fears. Letting them cry for few minutes because I am tending to something else shows them that the world doesn’t come to crashing halt for the small stuff we aren’t supposed to sweat. If your daughter was with you, hearing your voice, seeing you and able to make eye contact and see your reactions to her own sounds and actions, all you had to do was tell her that you had to finish, that you know she is OK, that you’re sorry she’s feeling sad and that you’ll be with her in a minute. All of which, I’m betting, you did. She toddled off, and you could still hear her. I’m guessing you knew where she was and what the risks were - you know if your house is baby-proofed or not. Kids get cranky. They get impatient. She’s a toddler. It’ll happen again. Probably a lot. Everyone here bashing you apparently feels passionate about their own parenting choices and damned intolerant of everyone else’s. Very sad. Typical in this day and age, it seems - but sad, nonetheless. If your job fulfills you, and you are a better mom because your needs are fully met, and you’ve hired someone you trust to care for your daughter on your terms, then you go, girl. If you’re able to stay home and being with your child 24/7 meets your needs best so that you can be the best parent possible, then again, you go, girl. I stayed home til my girls were 11 and 8, then worked part-time til this year, when they turned 13 and 10. I homeschooled four of those years so we could travel. Since I had to return to work full-time for financial reasons, we’ve had adjustments to make, and we’ve made them. We’ve grown, we’ve argued, we’ve cried, and we’re fine. I was sure, long ago when they were little, that no woman

- mindy

Posted 10/13/08 10:45 PM

 

 

Wow I’m a new mom who appreciates the different views of the more experienced. But I didn’t realize how mean &critical some moms can be. Guess we really are our worst enemies.

- diana

Posted 10/14/08 01:06 AM

 

 

Wow, you people that judge this women amaze me! Nobody is perfect at parenting, I have a feeling that you people that are saying these horrible things about this woman and are so perfect are probably masking some fabulouse imperfections and faults inyour own lives. Babies up to 6 months do not whine for no reason, they have a need and you should take care of that, but at a certain point children have to occasionaly wait. You perfect people have never left a child to cry to answer the door or cook you dinner? I am a stay at home mom that has had to make 1 or 2 of my children wait for a moment and they whine and cry, does anybody like to wait? No!! You do not always get what you want the second you want it and you anonymous people must be superhuman, or big fat liars! Heidi

- Heidi

Posted 10/14/08 02:18 AM

 

 

It is my opinion that taking a couple of minutes to pay attention to your crying child wouldn’t hurt you. A one year old is not old enough to understand why mommy isn’t paying attention to them. So, if it is a problem, maybe you should ask your nanny to arrive 30 minutes earlier. Since you feel guilty, you already have your answer. When I had my daughter, I gave her plenty of attention. When she cried, I checked to see if there was a problem because sometimes there could be one. As she grew up, we were close and had a good mother-daughter relationship. She was a very good child. By the time she was in high school, her friends were telling her that they wished that they had that kind of relationship with their mom. She was never involved in drugs, alchohol, sex, bad language or any other bad thing. She graduated high school.Today, she is married to a good man. She has a set of twin boys.They are 7 months old. They are very good and very happy babies. She gives them the same kind of attention that I gave her. I am very proud of her. If you want your child to come to you when they are older and have a problem, then pay attention to them now. That is not spoiling them. That is loving them.Remember, she is only a year old.

- Bonnie

Posted 10/14/08 03:47 AM

 

 

not to worry, i catered to my sons every whim then i learned that i was rasing husbands. so true….i want my sons to be good husbands like their dad. you have to give children their own time to console themselves but be within ear shot if you are really needed. then run to baby feed the baby.

- rosalie mondacci

Posted 10/14/08 07:37 AM

 

 

in response to katie regarding you and you husband taught the child how to “self sooth” please teach me i now have 1 one year old twins girls. i beleive in the concept and they are with me all the time they are so cute i can’t resist them they have me wrapped around all 4 of their hands and i love to hold them they were preemies they are still tiny and so cute…. i can’t wait to pick them up…..grandma

- rosalie mondacci

Posted 10/14/08 08:03 AM

 

 

Wow, some people’s comments on here are just rude! Don’t feel bad for letting your toddler cry for a few minutes while you tend to what you have to do. For the people telling her she’s selfish or run to her child at every cry, try asking your kid when she/he is 15 if they remember when mom let you cry for those few minutes. C’mon people. It’s good to learn independence!

- Tammy

Posted 10/14/08 12:04 PM

 

 

First of all, my concern is why the nanny was greeted by the one-year-old and not the mother. Second if you only had about 3 minutes left to dry your hair, chances are that it was probably dry enough that it could have been let go to spend time with your daughter before work. I would personally get myself up before the child and get ready so that I could have some extra time with her in the morning, since I wouldn’t be seeing her all day anyway. I am a stay at home mother to twin sons, and am far from lazy. I always tend to them when they cry no matter what I am doing. My boys come first, and remember that they are only this little once. No, she won’t be scarred for life, but you will certainly wish that you would have taken a little more time with her while she was little. So your hair is not perfect one time, big deal. It’s the little moments that count. “To be in your child’s memories tomorrow, be in his life today.”

- Crystal

Posted 10/14/08 12:12 PM

 

 

Try getting up a few minutes earlier so if you have to deal with the unexpected you have time for you and your child. You never know if the child is fussing for a reason or not. All it take is a few seconds to see if the child is ok. Don’t be selfish the child needs you. Don’t forget that.

- Alice

Posted 10/14/08 09:20 PM

 

 

Florencia, not everyone expects taxpayers to pay for their children, food, doctor bill, etc….so I’m left wondering why women like you have children? Oh because you don’t have anything in your life to live for and so you have children to define who you are and you will ruin their lives because YOU are dependent of them. I’m also left wondering, do you feel women have the right to vote? Better yet, should we cover our entire bodies while in public? Or maybe we shouldn’t ever leave the house unless it’s to buy groceries for our husband and children..oh and we shouldn’t eat either because we are so busy taking care of others.

- Anonymous

Posted 10/15/08 10:09 PM

 

 

If you cannot “be there” for your baby then DON’T HAVE ONE!!! Be a mother!! Do your hair BEFORE the baby gets up. It is not your child’s fault that YOU have to get ready. You brought her here so take care of her. Your baby wasn’t born to fit “your” schedule. What if it wasn’t the “nanny” at the door that day? You just let a 1 year old walk out of a room to answer the door? You should be arrested! (Not here whining about your “guilt”)

- RealMommy

Posted 11/05/08 10:48 PM

 

 

I am not a leading-edge infant psychologist and I don’t know exactly how much mommy time is love and how much is neglect. What I do know is that if you can afford a nanny that you are not starving and will not be taken to jail if you explain to work that you had to pick up the slack for an absent (for whatever reason) nanny. Furthermore, the lifestyle you and your husband are trying to maintain will not seem nearly so comfortable when your infant is in a pine box. If you cannot ensure that a 1-year-old cannot get to the front door sight unseen (I assume here that you are capable of turning your head at your own convenience; forgive me if i am mistaken) then you might as well take her somewhere that is in operation to keep children alive, like a pediatric hospital or a home with grown ups who don’t expect 1-year-olds to make wise decisions. Will your hair comfort you at the funeral? A nanny is, by most standards, far preferable to a day care in terms of personal attention, but if you cannot arrange some way to keep your own children safe until said nanny arrives then throw her to the wolves. At least then your “mommy guilt” won’t have to burden you with the urge to care for your own child. Talk to your boss. If they can’t understand that you will not put your polished on-job appearance and punctuality above the heartbeat of your own child then you have at least a good reason to leave if not the grounds for a legal suit. Be a mommy, or don’t. If you don’t know where your 1-year-old is then it doesn’t matter whether it was “about a minute later” or a day or two off. It only takes a moment unobserved for something to go wrong, and to let her roam free while you unknowingly let her go to the front door is paramount to a death sentence. I am not judging your lifestyle or financial needs-but if you love your baby, DO NOT TRUST HER TO ENSURE HER OWN SAFETY. Real “mommy guilt” should tell you that performing a (presumably) mandatory task is not necessarily a bad thing but that letting a child who can barely walk have free reign of the house out of your sight is neglect.

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