Guest Blogger Paul Starke: I love my wife, Melissa. She is beautiful, hilarious, sexy, brilliant and a wonderful wife and mom. She can also be batcrap crazy sometimes.
This morning, she got angry with me because -- without being asked -- I put away the baby's laundry. I thought I was doing her a favor, but apparently, I put the laundry away INCORRECTLY. Guys who read this: I know you can sympathize with me. How does this give us incentive to do any chore if we're just going to catch hell for it? Plus, why is it that all of our good deeds go unnoticed? So, for my wife, here are "The 12 Awesome Things I Did This Week (and got no credit)."
1. I cleaned up the cat's vomit: Yes, you change the majority of poopy diapers, but cat puke makes baby poop look and smell like cotton candy.
2. I changed the light bulbs: Even the ones where I had to get on a ladder. I did this for you, because I could easily live in complete darkness for days.
3. I put "Made of Honor" on our Netflix queue: Who loves Patrick Dempsey movies? I don't!
5. I didn't bother you for sex: Not one shoulder-tap in the middle of the night.
6. I cleaned up all the baby's boogers: I don't know why, but I get a thrill out of bagging one with that little squeezy-thing. Now I know how hunters feel.
7. I bought you that Stella McCartney handbag for your birthday: Sure, your birthday was three weeks ago, but still...
8. I agreed to go to your high school reunion: Even though I'll surely get punched in the face by one of your ex-boyfriends.
9. I got the right humidifier for the baby: I didn't get the cheap one, with the asbestos tank.
10. I took down the recycling: We live in a 3rd floor walkup! Plus, I did this during the hockey game.
11. I'm taking care of the baby tomorrow night while you see your girlfriends: When do I ever ask to hang out with MY girlfriends?
12. I told you how pretty you looked in your blue dress: You always look beautiful, though.
See? I'm not so bad! Surely all of these make up for the fact that you get up with the baby every night, right?
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, An Inconvenient Book.|