Guest blogger Paul Starke: If a stranger approached you on the street, demanded your phone number and asked to be your friend, would you do it? Of course not, because that's insane and it violates the basic tenets of human interaction.
1) I just don't like people: Not all people, mind you. I love my wife, son, parents and siblings. Everyone else pretty much sucks.
2) I always wind up "pairing off" with the dude: While the moms chat while strolling the babies, I'm stuck in a corn maze conversation with Chad about his time in law school.
3) I'm horrible at small talk: It's like being on a date, only with people you don't want to sleep with. Thus...
4) I hate telling the same stories over and over to different people: When I'm stuck, I usually go to my stock stories: How I met Melissa, Luke's birth story, etc. These tales are beginning to lose their magic the more I repeat them.
5) My wife always springs these "dates" on me at the last minute: Just as I'm settling in for the Giants/Steelers game, my wife tells me to put some pants on because we have to meet the Dorkelsons in 20 minutes.
6) Forced showers: I gave up trying to look/smell good several months ago. That's one of the reason I got married to begin with. Now, I have to be "presentable" and not look "homeless" or Melissa gets mad.
7) Politics: I wore my "Obama '08" T-shirt on a recent playdate, which didn't go over well with our Republican hosts.
8) They don't get my jokes: I can talk about poop for days on end; apparently, other people can't.
9) The babies are clearly bored: They usually conk right out, which is what I feel like doing...
10) Apartment Envy: Seeing other families lovely and tasteful lofts only makes our home look even more dangerous and inhospitable.
11) E-mail chains: I recently spent time reading 24 emails going back and forth between another couple and us about a music class.
12) You can't "break up": How do you tell another couple "it's not you, it's me?"