He Doesn't Want Kids ... Because of the Economy

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He Doesn't Want Kids ... Because of the Economy

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Guest blogger LoveHimorLeave Him: The collapse of the economy has changed my man's perspective on having kids. If we wait, it may be too late...

I had a miscarriage just a few months ago, from which I learned one big and very important lesson: I want kids and I want them ... now. I believe the only thing that might possibly relieve some of the residual pain is trying for another baby. My husband and I agreed, that rather than starting right away, we would wait until the beginning of the year, so we could get back on our feet emotionally. Now this.

This weekend when I brought up the topic he said: "I don't know when, I don't know," I knew why. The pressure of our economy paired with its bleak future has gotten my husband seriously worried, and bringing a child into this world seems like the last thing on his mind. I know him: He's thinking he can barely pay the bills and keep himself (and us) afloat, let alone save for a baby. Although on one hand I understand, I am scared, frustrated and frankly, a bit annoyed ...

Why are we waiting upon something that is completely and utterly out of our control? As we saw with the miscarriage, EVERYTHING is out of our control anyway -- and who knows if we will ever be 'really ready' financially. My fear of course, after having experienced losing a baby, is losing another one or not being able to get pregnant. If it isn't the economy, it's something else -- having a house, a bigger savings, being "prepared." Ugh. Listen buddy, I'm 35 and my clock is ticking. People make it work right? Hell, if a 17-year-old can do it, so can we.

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My husband and I waited for 4 years before having our daughter. I thought we would never be able to afford to have kids. When you finally do have one you realize that it is not as expensive as you thought it would be. I bought a lot from garage sales and what little food they eat doesn’t add that much to your bill. You are already paying for a place to live, heat, lights, gas whatever. Our biggest expense was daycare and somehow we managed that too.

- melanie

Posted 10/15/08 10:27 AM

Oh I know how hard this is…i’m in the same predicament only I want my third child and now he wants to wait. We’ve never really been THAT financially secure, why NOW??? I feel your pain. hang in there

- jackie

Posted 10/15/08 10:49 AM

I think men take tend to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and let those fears creep into our relationships. Just remind him that so many people make a go of it every day- with virtually nothing. And the truth is, no matter how wealthy you are, you’re never really REALLY ready…. It is always an adjustment no matter what.

- Anonymous

Posted 10/15/08 11:23 AM

it’s true…you’re never really ready. and once that baby comes, it’s the most wonderful thing on the planet—he just doesn’t know that yet. I think you should talk to your man about your fears and anxieties, even if it drives him away.

- lisa

Posted 10/15/08 12:42 PM

we didn’t worry about it too much financially, it just always seems to work, you MAKE it work. daycare and formula (yes, i was the horrible mother who decided not to breastfeed!). things were a little tight, but we just always seemed to make it work, just cut down on other expenses.

- Linney1

Posted 10/15/08 01:14 PM

seems like a bigger issue of communication to me. Ahhh men.

- bree

Posted 10/15/08 01:49 PM

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He Doesn't Want Kids ... Because of the Economy

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6 comments so far | Post a comment now >>