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I Feel Guilty for Being Thin

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Guest blogger Size 6 says: My mom examines my butt every time she sees me.

woman in weighing scale

"You're losing your butt, and since that's the only drop of meat on you anyway, when that's gone, you won't have anything left," said my mother for my weekly body examination.

Lovely. Most moms hop on their grown daughter's case for gaining weight through the years, for tucking in too much mashed potatoes over Thanksgiving dinner and for reaching for the salt. My southern African American family however, gives me grief whenever I so much as drop a pound of water or gain a little muscle tone.

In a family of women who would prefer to eat biscuits than work out and whose D-size boobs I have always envied, my A cup, love for tofu and a good sweat and make me a bit of an outcast. Couple that with the fact that I am the only one in my family who actually works out and is trying to prevent kimono arms, under-chin fat and an expanding waistline -- and I am a criminal at family gatherings.

"Oh my gosh, you have lost so much weight since the last time I saw you!!" I just saw you last weekend.

"Geez, what are you eating these days? You're looking kind of skinny." Sorry for avoiding the waffles.

Via Facebook: "You look so tiny in that photo!" What the heck am I supposed to look like?!

Seems like in today's world (or at least in mine), a pear-shaped gal like me can't win. You either are condemned for your butt being too big (the media really can't decide whether they like or hate JLo and Beyonce's butts; I actually heard someone say "JLo is not thin"), or for being too small. Five pounds of premenstrual water weight gain/loss are enough to set off the paparazzi -- and my mother. When I fast for religious reasons, I am accused of anorexia.

Therefore, my dear mother, I am sorry for caring more about my shape than how good that creme brulee and cheesecake would taste right now. I am sorry that I am committed to working out versus spreading out. And, for the record, I am nowhere near anorexic.

I am trying to be at my absolute best, which requires (let's be honest) a heck of a lot of work. Just don't be mad me if you don't feel like doing the same.

My friends say my family is just jealous. But what do you think? Tell us about your own weight loss stories in the momlogic community.


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6 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kate October 28, 2008, 1:31 PM

I don’t think it would be fair for any of us to judge you here. We can’t see you, so we can’t determine whether or not we can agree with your family. I think a lot of the time, the people who are addicted to exercise are in denial. So there is a possibility that you are too thin and your family’s concerns are valid.

On the other hand, you could be right. Perhaps they are jealous of how good you look and they bury their emotions in a bowl of mashed potatoes. It’s not fair for you to judge them either. Some people really do have a problem with food, myself included. It’s very hard to find the motivation and the self-esteem to try to lose the weight. Cudos to you for being faithful with your workouts, but for some people, they would rather spend their time doing other things.

It’s a shame that your family can’t just accept you for who you are. It really is too bad that they feel that they have to comment on your appearance in such a negative way. Perhaps you can just explain to them that your doctor says that you are healthy, and that’s what is important.

Michelle October 28, 2008, 2:05 PM

Simple, they are just jealous. Period.

romi October 28, 2008, 2:17 PM

I think moms saying anything about their daughters’ bodies is tricky. I came home from college with the standard 20 lbs of freshman upholstery and my mom said, “Oh you look a little pudgy.” This wasn’t the only thing - but it certainly pushed me over the edge and I became a full fledged bulimic.
Unfortunately, my mother (who has a great figure — and I too have been lucky enough to inherit good genes) always comments on my body - looking me up and down from head to toe whenever she sees me. As she is older - while still in amazing shape - I know she is looking at me longingly - wishing for her youth back!


I’m keeping my disordered eating in check these days and am also very careful when discussing my body issues and anything around body image around my two daughters and my son. Sadly, we are a society conditioned to think that thin is “good” and all of us (i think…) are guilty of proclaiming, “You look great!” when someone has lost weight.

My goal - personally - and certainly as a mother - is to comment and compliment more on things unrelated to weight as often as possible!

We explored the complicated mother-daughter-weight connection with our users on truebodyconfessions.com but certainly welcome more thoughts on this too!

romi
www.truebodyconfessions.com


Carli November 17, 2008, 4:47 PM

This is too funny! I stopped talking to my mom for over a month because of the very same reason. Growing up, I was on the track team and the volley ball team and was in great shape. I manage to escape the dreaded pounds you pick up while in college and in my early to mid twenties looked fabulous…that is until i got married and had my son. Now, while I am not obese, I am a size 8, I do have the pudgy stomach, love handles and thighs as souvenirs from my time being pregnant. I do long for the time when i was svelte and have recently been on the path to get relatively close to that time. But my mom CONSTANTLY tells me about big my body parts were and has even gone as far to saying that my husband didn’t marry me looking that way and he wouldn’t want me. My husband who didn’t hear her say that at the time, was peeved when I told him. My husband is not shallow and loves me for me who i am. He doesn’t have the six pack that he had when we first started dating, but I love him more now that i did at that time. I was soo infuriated and hurt by her comments and I told her at that time what she said hurt and not to do it again. Well she dismissed my comments then. Later at another time she and I got into it on the phone about what she had said to me and I just lost it and told her about herself. She yelled at me wondering when I became so thin-skinned and she is telling it like it is. You think that the one person who would strive not to hurt ur feeling would be your parents. i am not asking her to pacify me however when i told her that her comments were hurtful, i felt that she should acknowledge that and apologize. That was all i was looking for. So I truly understand what you mean and how you feel. thought i would note that my my mom is african-american

metoo November 22, 2008, 3:37 PM

LMAO!!!

We are White, mostly and I am part Filipina/Puerto Rican and I have never known my Mom under 300 pounds.

In return she has never known me under 200 pounds after I was done growing, so naturally when I hit 160 at 5’8 (A lot of muscle but not too much) she berates me for dieting and exercising!!

I also have a Type 1 Diabetic Daughter so exercise and proper eating is a MUST in our household. GAH!! It’s almost like she’s jealous or something and I do NOT want to think that!

Now that my morbidly obese Sister is getting on track with her health (not b/c I pushed her, she just sees me and her Doctor says it’s necessary) SHE’s getting it, too!!

Nevermind my Mom’s baby Son has developed a taste for She-males, but, no, she diesn’t say ANYHTING about that!!

metoo November 22, 2008, 4:30 PM

By “baby Son” I mean he is her last child, he is grown, but you know how it is..


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