Guest Blogger JustMarried: OK ... I admit it. I was really looking forward to getting married. I was the last of my friends to tie the knot, and the whole single/always getting set up at the dinner party thing was wearing on me. I had dreams of those lazy Sundays with my husband, getting coffee and doing the NY Times crossword together. I knew marriage would be work, I was just totally clueless as to how much.
I've been married for six months ... and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. My honeymoon was two weeks, but the "honeymoon period" lasted about four days. Everyone asks me how married life is, and I want to scream "It's HARD!!" and, at times, I hate it. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the love of my life, but I don't think I really thought about how marriage would change us.
We lived together before we were engaged, so we'd been there, done that with the whole playing house bit. I was fine with his personal habits (minus a few bodily functions here and there and that grody t-shirt he insists on wearing every weekend), but my issues are now with HIM and WHO he is. Yikes.
I don't like that my identity is now completely tied now to my husband in ways it never was before -- even when we were dating. If I wanted to go out for dinner, I went out for dinner. I'm a very social person, and now I have to be sensitive to his schedule and his needs. I know it sounds selfish, but I wish he was more like he was when we were dating. He was fun and spontaneous. He'd be up for anything, a party, a double date, etc, because he wanted my attention, wanted to make a good impression. We would fly off to Vegas at a moment's notice. We don't do that any more, because, at least according to him, that's not what responsible marrieds do. His priority is our down time, our "together" time, and I feel like our social life has been affected -- and not in a good way. For instance -- I LOVE his family, but given the choice, I'd rather go to a fancy dinner. Now that we're married, if I hesitate about seeing his family, he acts like it's a reflection on HIM. When we were dating, he didn't seem to care that much.
And the fights. When we were dating, they were epic. I said everything and anything -- even the mean stuff. Now, I feel like a bad wife if I get really angry. I find myself biting my tongue, when before during our courtship I would have let him have it -- saying things I regretted later. Now, since he's my HUSBAND, I don't say what I really feel because I feel like if I did, we'd be on the path to divorce. And, quite honestly, I resent that I can't be brutally honest.
I know one never knows what goes on behind closed doors, but my other married girlfriends seem to be rolling along with marriages, happy as can be, while I'm constantly struggling.
I love my husband, I just don't like him very much right now. And that scares me.
Does it get better?