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Keep Your Kids Out of My Neighborhood!

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Please ... don't come knocking on my door for a treat this Halloween. Enough with this waste of a holiday.

woman hiding from trick or treaters

Childlessandlovinit: I don't get Halloween: Are you seriously spending money on decorating your house and yard with crap like oversized spiders and noises coming from the door? The neighborhood looks like a total mess. I thought I'd be relieved of it this year, given the fact that we are in a recession. Apparently, most of you still think spending $25 on a cheap slutty costume for your ten-year-old is money well spent. It ain't. And what's more...

*Tossing eggs at ongoing cars is NOT funny -- it is dangerous. Plus, I couldn't get that crap off my windshield for like, a year. Disgusting.

*As if there aren't enough kids in my neighborhood, do they have to bring in a whole van full of more kids?! What, they don't have candy where you live?

*If the lights are off at my house, that is a sign that I am either not home ... or I do not want to open the door (probably the latter). So stop peeking through the windows -- there is no candy here, trust me.

*Why would you encourage your kids to go around the neighborhood and collect a pillowcase (that's a whole other thing ... the pillowcase -- what, because it's bigger than any bag? OMG!) full of candy, when they're already overweight (and hyper) enough?!

*If for some reason I accidentally open the door (to take out the garbage for example), just so you know, ONLY wearing a mask doesn't count. And those homemade costume thingies? No. Get a real one.

*Halloween happens on October 31 only, ok? You don't have to dress up the entire week before hand. It's bad enough I have had to brave the supermarket looking at oversized bags of candy for an entire month! Pfft ... it takes forever to get to the healthy foods.

*If after five minutes no one has come to the door -- STOP KNOCKING! I am trying to watch "Friday Night Lights" in peace!

*Dressing up at the office? I'm not even going to address this one. You look like a total tool. Did someone say something about an "office parade?" I'd rather have a root canal.

*Ummm ... trick or treating is for children. Parents, leave your bags (pillowcases) at home -- you look desperate.And wait, what? You are leaving work EARLY to celebrate Halloween? Whaaa??

*It's 8 PM do you know where your teenage kids are? If they are not home, they're probably TP'ing someone's house. Hasn't Halloween been enough of an environmental waste already?

*Please spare me from having to look at pictures of your kids in their costumes. No, they are not cuuuuuute. OK?!

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22 comments so far | Post a comment now
Dorothy October 31, 2008, 6:18 AM

Too Funny! I agree with you. I am not a fan of Halloween and I don’t want kids knocking on my door.

Pam October 31, 2008, 8:18 AM

Yeah, and I bet you don’t like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy either! You probably don’t know how to have fun, and if you smiled your face would probably crack. I bet your just an old depressed scrouge who didn’t have a happy childhood and it’s spread into your adult life. I feel sorry for you, your pathetic! Leave your porch light off and you won’t have to worry about anyone knocking on it, it’s that simple.

Karen October 31, 2008, 8:30 AM

I agree with you 100 percent, Pam. It’s no wonder this Halloween Hater gets slammed with eggs. This person doesn’t know what fun is. And, if you hate Halloween so much, why don’t you just go out for the night so you won’t have to hear any knocking at your door?? Halloween is a fun holiday and is meant for the kids to enjoy. As for the pillowcase, it’s used because paper bags tend to get holes in them and the candy falls out. So, get a life, Mr. Grinch. And, don’t celebrate ANY holidays. Perhaps if you lightened up just a little bit (or if you weren’t so selfish—because I believe the only reason people choose not to have any kids is because they are way too selfish), you might smile just once. If your life sucks as bad as it sounds, and you hate little children, go jump off a bridge and end your pathetic miserable life!!!

Uly October 31, 2008, 9:29 AM

I’d rather see a home-made costume than another piece of mass-produced crap any day of the week.

jackie October 31, 2008, 10:54 AM

omg this is too funny lol

office parade—-totally!

Karen October 31, 2008, 11:37 AM

Oh—and anyone who says they are Childlessandlovinit has no idea about the joys of parenthood. I seriously doubt that this person is loving being childless; more likely, is unable to have any children and, therefore, decided to hate all children as well as the activities that children participate in. And, if this so-called childless person loves being childless so much, why in the heck is this person even in this site, titled “MOM LOGIC”? Think about it.

Proud Mom of five! October 31, 2008, 1:14 PM

What a hateful person you are! It is a good thing yourchildlessandlovinit your most likely wonderinwhyI’mmanless too. This entire post is the rant of a very mean person.

I agree with you that children should not egg cars, when the lights are off it means to leave you alone and parents should not van children into the neighborhood.

Bashing on homemade costumes and children who love to dress up during the week before. You have to be kidding me making costumes with your child is a wonderful thing to do together.

Please stay childless because a grinch like you should nevr have kids!

v-mom October 31, 2008, 1:41 PM

Holy cow lady! You are nuts! This is a time of year for kids to get dressed up and have fun, it has been for years, unless you’re too old to remember it. So what if neighbors put decorations out, it’s their money, NOT yours. Oh and P.S. what will stimulate the economy? Oh, that’s right, putting money into the economy. As for carrying pillow cases, I did that all the time. Why use something I have to throw away when I can use a pillow case of mine. It’s called being cheap. My son is going out for the first time this year, we are all excited. Let us know where you live so we can stay far away from there. Holy cow. Get a life. P.S. I am putting the finishing touches on my childs costume right now. We are going to have a blast.

Anna October 31, 2008, 2:57 PM

your just mad because your too old to go trick or treating… I cant say i blame you… free candy rocks and i miss it myself.

geen October 31, 2008, 4:20 PM

Well I don’t think fat kids should go out on halloween. Spare tire by the age of 7 anyone?

gee whiz November 1, 2008, 12:26 PM

Sorry you had nothing else to do but blog about people having fun and annoying you while they do it. I guess the the thrill of being a corpse can’t come soon enough for you?

Tara November 1, 2008, 12:35 PM

geen, they should not be allowed??? No matter what? Because their fat is offensive to you??? There is a girl in my neighboorhood that rides her bike A LOT, everyday, hangs out with my son and her brother running, climbing trees. Very active girl. And also very chubby. Their mother is super into healthy eating so much so they are not allowed ANY packaged foods (no, I’m not saying this is wrong I’m saying it’s amazing she cooks EVERYTHING from scratch) and she is very active. Should she have been kept from trick or treating??? How about at Christmas if a child has more than three toys in their room. Should they be allowed to have more presents? And who gets to decide what is and isn’t allowed??? This is AMERICA and I have family that have died to keep it free. So please, you and that person in another section that wrote we should have raids on the kitchens of fat families whenver we like keep your opinions and your judgements to yourself.

Laura October 12, 2009, 3:19 PM

Egg her house, kids!

Anon October 12, 2009, 4:28 PM

You criticize them for spending 25 bucks on a costume then for making home made costumes… are they supposed to go around naked?

Halloween Enjoyer October 12, 2009, 4:38 PM

Just ignore it if it bothers you that much. Some people enjoy Halloween. Some of my best childhood memories are from walking around my neighborhood getting scared and given candy.

Yard Haunter October 12, 2009, 4:43 PM

What a sad little life you must lead. I pity your lack of spirit, absent sense of humor, and complete disdain for all things creative and/or fun, not to mention the ignorance you’ve exhibited by posting blatant hypocrisy and contradiction all within the confines of one poorly written blog post.

guy October 12, 2009, 4:45 PM

god damn people its a fun day leave it like that… and keep fat people out of it thay have done nothing to you. go to another conutry and mabey then you’ll understand how lucky we all are

al October 12, 2009, 4:50 PM

Halloween is a holiday just for the fun of it. this is the whiniest, bitchiest thing i have ever read. try to have some fun instead of complaining.

p.s. its also a holiday about creativity. so stop bitching about the homemade costumes

Tim October 12, 2009, 4:53 PM

While I respect your views and opinions, I disagree with your thoughts on home made costumes. I think that the fun of Halloween is making your own costumes and getting excited about it. Spending money on a pre-designed and made costume is lazy and really does take the fun out of Halloween.

Judy October 12, 2009, 4:54 PM

why are you on a mom website if you’re childless and lovin it? get a life you grouchy betch

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