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I Told My Husband to Get a "Happy Ending"

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I don't consider it cheating -- and when he finally got his "massage," I was happy for him!

husband excited to get a happy ending massage

Guest blogger, Gina: About four years ago while my husband and I were out to dinner with friends, the subject of "full service" massages came up. My husband said he had never had one and the men at the table seemed surprised -- apparently men get them at least once before they get married. Anyway, I told him that if he had any interest that I wouldn't mind if he went for it. Ever since that day, my friends and I had been wondering when he would actually go through with it.

About every other month, he went for a massage. Sometimes to places that seemed on the up and up and sometimes to places that you think may offer the full rubdown. Every time he would come back I'd ask, "Well?" He never could get it done -- and we continued to razz him about it. We all knew he wanted to do it and it was pretty adorable to see him try and fail.

Then one day, he traveled to Asia for business. He and his friends went to a massage parlor. Apparently over there, the menu is more blatant. They even offer "full service" -- and they mean it. He opted for partial -- hands only. He proudly called me up immediately after to tell me all the details. When I answered the phone he said to me, "Fresh Pepper?" I knew exactly what he meant and we laughed for about 60 seconds straight. He told me that when some of his co-workers opted out because they were married, he bragged about the fact he had permission.

Call me naive, but I think his honesty is because of my open-mindedness. I mean, is he really going to run off with a happy ending masseuse? And if he does, do I want to be married to him anyway? I'm not sure if he'll do it again, but I think the whole thing is a testament to our connection and of course, makes a great story. So, ladies -- I recommend the happy-ending-go-ahead. I've never trusted my husband more.

David Duchovny Jim Bakker

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173 comments so far | Post a comment now
Jennifer October 13, 2008, 7:50 AM

I just think it is nasty.
If your husband wants a happy ending?!,
then where are you?

I think the happy endings should be provided by YOU,,,,, THE WIFE while you are massaging your own husband.
Just call me old fashion but oral &/or hand jobs are private to be shared by couples, not stangers,,,, YUK.

Vita October 13, 2008, 8:13 AM

I agree with Jennifer……..are you too busy to do this???—-maybie you should try and put some time on the side because this is “”nasty”“, and to proud of it, is even “nastier”.

Kate October 13, 2008, 8:39 AM

I agree with the other comments as well. Just because it’s hands only doesn’t mean that he’s not not paying for a sexual experience. That’s called prostitution. You’re proud that you encouraged your husband to be with a prostitute? And you teased him because he was too loyal to go through with it for such a long time!? That’s sad. That’s really, really sad, lady.

Kate October 13, 2008, 9:01 AM

I might be a prude, but
The whole thing is just kind of eewww.

But, you know, whatever works for ya.


Jenny October 13, 2008, 9:31 AM

Okay, thats nasty, I agree with all of the other comments. I also think there may be something wrong with your relationship if you guys are hi 5ing over another woman doing your job. Maybe this has been giving you a reason to justify your own behaviors or secret wants?

Why be married?

Wendi October 13, 2008, 10:08 AM

This is part of the huge problem we have right now with marriage. People seem to think that we don’t have to be loyal anymore and that is why the divorce rate is so high. I would NEVER be okay with my hubby doing such a thing. And to tell the truth, he really could not do it. I love that he has good morals :)

birdsfly October 13, 2008, 10:09 AM

I can just smell the tolerence in the air… oh wait no I can’t. I say to each his own on this one, it’s not that far removed from my hubby and I going to a strip club together.

jan October 13, 2008, 10:19 AM

wow. its only my opinion but that is gross. would you be ok if he went out with the guys for the evening and decided he needed a hand job and just found some chick to service him? or would that be cheating? or is it different if he pays for it? would he be ok with you going to a massage parlor and getting yourself a hand job? or is this only ok for men to do and talk about? its your relaitionship hope it lasts for a long, long, long time. lol….. gross gross gross.

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 10:38 AM

What a bunch of prudes. If both husband and wife are happy then who are you to say it is nasty or gross? Since when does society get to dictate what other people shoudl do in their marriages. My guess is that the women commenting here are more likely to have their husbands leave then the woman in the post. Personally I would be okay with this…except I would want top watch. Hubs and I have been married for over 10 years.

Anonymous October 13, 2008, 11:04 AM

I completely agree with Tiffany - and I don’t think it’s a matter of being “too busy” to do this for your husband it was about the one time excitement of going in for a massage and coming out with a little extra. And it probably made it all the more exciting that his wife ok’d it. Of the eight women above who though it was gross and look down on the writer for being so open minded - I’ll bet you money that at LEAST 2 of the their husbands have had a lot more than a happy ending from a stranger half-way across the world.

Debbie October 13, 2008, 11:21 AM

Tiffany, people are commenting because the author chose to air this in an open forum. That is the whole point.

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 12:18 PM

Why should she hide it if she is comfortable with it? I think she is brave.

Kate October 13, 2008, 12:28 PM

To Tiffany and Anon -

I’m not a prude, I’m just loyal to my husband and the promise that we made to be mutually exclusive to one another. That’s what marriage is. I’m more than willing to satisfy my husband in any way that he pleases. And no, my husband would never find it exciting or acceptable to pay for sex or sexual stimulation.

Also, the idea of a happy ending was obviously not exciting for the husband of the author because he was conflicted over doing it, as he could not go through with it. It’s too bad that he ended up stooping to his wife’s level and exploring sex outside of the marriage.

Like Wendi said, the problem with marriage today is not “prudes” like me, the problem is people who decide that they need to find sex from someone else in order to make their marriage exciting again. Call me old-fashioned, but what’s the point in getting married if you’re not going to be faithful? I just don’t get it.

Thanks to Debbie for making her point that comments are welcomed and even enouraged when an author posts on a forum such as this.

And back to the original post, I understand that the author doesn’t expect her husband to leave her for some Asian masseuse, but who’s to say that he isn’t more likely to now sample sex from more local avenues? He might be willing to leave his wife for something else that he explores while taking advantage of his wife’s “open-mindedness.”

And Tiffany, why on earth would you want to watch your husband being sexually fulfilled by another woman?

Wish I could say October 13, 2008, 12:44 PM

I think the key issue is trust, and agreement on definitions. Most I think would consider this cheating, though if you have an agreement beforehand and are both comfortable, rock on. Just be sure you’re aware of the public health risks. People should not be more freaked out about using public toilets than about a prostitute’s touch. Washing hands is not enough, not when you’re involving your loved one’s health.

On to the moral issue. It’s not okay to do anything, even commit to a dinner invitation, without consulting the other person involved. I can’t even tell you how much more this applies to massage or anything like it. My ex did this, for years, while I was pregnant, while I lost a baby, while we were going through fertility treatment. He hid it. We didn’t have a lot of money, and I couldn’t figure out why we sometimes ran through cash so fast. He told me when I was eight months pregnant, but only because I asked if he’d ever cheated. He didn’t think it was cheating, but obviously thought it was bad enough to hide, to lie about it, and to “confess” it.

I could have forgiven curiosity, wanting to try it, talking about it. But I can’t forgive his sneaking, breaking trust, or putting all of our health in danger for such a stupid little thrill. Even his mother didn’t get it when I finally told her that cheating was part of the decision to divorce. She asked if he had a girlfriend, and I replied, would you rather a girlfriend? Or a series of prostitutes? At least an emotional attachment would show more depth and be better than going after illegal, dangerous sex. And by the way, sexual contact is sex. It’s so cowardly to say, oh, but it wasn’t the whole tamale, as it were. I was amazed at having to explain this. There is no way he’d have been happy to pay for me going for a haircut & orgasm.

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 12:53 PM

There are many people who do not go into marriage and promise only to be with each other…just to spend their lives loving each other and living with each other. One couple’s definition of marriage is no better than anyone elses. If they go into it open minded than there is no violation of the marriage…period. Outsiders don’t get to push their narrow views of marriage onto other people and say theirs is the right way.

And Kate watching would mean I am involved and part of the experience too. Why wouldn’t I want to see my husband enjoying himself????? The sneaking is what destroys so many marriages….because men and women are made to feel ashamed of these natural desires.

Kate October 13, 2008, 1:08 PM

I don’t know. I guess I just don’t understand this point of view because to me a marriage is more than sex. I waited to have sex until I was married because I’m traditional and I believe that sex is a sacred part of marriage. If that makes me a prude, then so be it. I still don’t understand, however, how people can come together and decide to get married but agree to not be sexually exclusive. Really, I cannot wrap my mind around it.

No matter how you try to justify it, sex is always more than just sex. And no matter what your previous arrangements are, I would think that you would be concerned that something that starts out as “just sex” would lead to much more - namely divorce.

People try to blame boredom in the bedroom as the reason why men cheat. So why is the logic, then, to let men cheat? Why isn’t the logic to kick it up a notch in the bedroom and make things exciting again?

I truly do believe that it’s not unnatural to be with one person forever, despite that so many people think that monogamy is unnatural. If monogamy is not for you, then why marriage? That’s what I want to know.

Like I said before, marriage is about more than just sex. I’m not an animal, so I can surely control myself. People talk about how they think it’s healthy to give in to their sexual desires with people other than their spouses, but I say, “Where’s the self control?” Self-control is one thing that distinguishes between people and animals. I’m no animal.

Jenny October 13, 2008, 1:35 PM


Did those people change their wedding vows from the traditional? Because if they didnt then absolutely, yes, they DID promise to be faithful to eachother until death do us part….you know, the whole forsaking all others part.

Tracy October 13, 2008, 1:35 PM

I’m glad to see the majority of the responders standing up for marriage. With things like this going on in society, how do we teach our children what it is supposed to mean to be married? When wives are patting themselves on the back for encouraging husbands to go outside of their marriage for a “happy ending” and then proudly sharing this on the internet, its obvious that we have fallen a little further down that “slippery slope.”

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 1:42 PM

Kate even people who are not monogymous have self control…maybe some don’t but certainly not even close to all. You can be selective and choosy about parnters married or no and have self control. People who do not want to be limited to one person are not animals. Do you see them walking through an alley and getting jiggy with all the homeless people. No…their self control is fine they just choose not to make exploration taboo. If you want to be with one person good for you…but yours isn’t the only way or the best way.

My hubs and I are monogymous and have been for 10 years but not because we have a set of bogus rules to follow but because we just don’t want other people right now and if that changes we will pursue it together as the partners we are.

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 1:46 PM

Jenny any couple can certainly make their own vows and they can talk before hand about what they want in a mate…and yes many couples get married acknowledging that they may bring other people into the mix.

Tracy I want my kids to learn that they can choose for themselves and not conform to fit the standards of other people who have nothing better to do than judge them.

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