twitter facebook stumble upon rss

I Told My Husband to Get a "Happy Ending"

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

I don't consider it cheating -- and when he finally got his "massage," I was happy for him!

husband excited to get a happy ending massage

Guest blogger, Gina: About four years ago while my husband and I were out to dinner with friends, the subject of "full service" massages came up. My husband said he had never had one and the men at the table seemed surprised -- apparently men get them at least once before they get married. Anyway, I told him that if he had any interest that I wouldn't mind if he went for it. Ever since that day, my friends and I had been wondering when he would actually go through with it.

About every other month, he went for a massage. Sometimes to places that seemed on the up and up and sometimes to places that you think may offer the full rubdown. Every time he would come back I'd ask, "Well?" He never could get it done -- and we continued to razz him about it. We all knew he wanted to do it and it was pretty adorable to see him try and fail.

Then one day, he traveled to Asia for business. He and his friends went to a massage parlor. Apparently over there, the menu is more blatant. They even offer "full service" -- and they mean it. He opted for partial -- hands only. He proudly called me up immediately after to tell me all the details. When I answered the phone he said to me, "Fresh Pepper?" I knew exactly what he meant and we laughed for about 60 seconds straight. He told me that when some of his co-workers opted out because they were married, he bragged about the fact he had permission.

Call me naive, but I think his honesty is because of my open-mindedness. I mean, is he really going to run off with a happy ending masseuse? And if he does, do I want to be married to him anyway? I'm not sure if he'll do it again, but I think the whole thing is a testament to our connection and of course, makes a great story. So, ladies -- I recommend the happy-ending-go-ahead. I've never trusted my husband more.

David Duchovny Jim Bakker

next: Rebecca Romjin and Jerry O'Connell Prep for Parenthood
173 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kate October 13, 2008, 2:07 PM

Tiffany - I still beg the question: why marriage? If the social standard regarding marriage is sexual exclusion and monogamy, why is it that people who believe that these things are unnatural still get married? (I’m not pointing the finger at you, I’m just asking you because you have been standing up for the opposition of my point of view.) Is it out of convenience? Because divorce seems pretty inconvenient to me, and if someone knows going into a marriage that they do not want to be faithful, then what is the point of getting married? I don’t get it.

And yeah, I get that you can write your own vows. I think that what Jenny is pointing out is that it seems a bit awkward to write in there, “I promise to allow you to explore yourself sexually through as many partners and avenues that you choose.” Would that be something that one would include in the marriage vows, or is that something that is discussed in private?

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 2:11 PM

Marriage does have legal benefits like insurance and tax breaks and also protection for property owners. If you are going to play house it is best to have the legal protection there. But regardless why does it matter? Why does anyone have to meet societal expectations? Why can’t grown ups do what they want?

Melissa October 13, 2008, 2:19 PM

I never make comments but this is disgusting. Honesty is the best, but you loose trust in each other OVER TIME. Believe me, this is going to go bad after a while. What’s next? Are you going to give him permission to sleep with your next door neighbor? Sounds like love is missing from this relationship or someone is insecure in the bedroom. Or maybe she gave him permission because she is already sleeping around and it made her feel justified. This is gross! Marriage is about unity. This is not.

Kate October 13, 2008, 2:23 PM

So you admit that people marry for convenience. I just think it’s funny that people will say that they marry for love, when they really just want to get married to share benefits or get a write off on their taxes. Like people will make the argument that conservatives in Washington aren’t allowing gay people to express their love for one another, but that’s not the case. Maybe for a lot of gay couples it is the case, and they desire marriage to express that, but I think that there are far more gay people that want the benefits of marriage for the financial conveniences that the government allows.

Too many people marry for convenience in order to reap the benefits that our country has awarded to those who value marriage and family. And too many people exploit those benefits and then allow their marriages to end in divorce.

A ban on gay marriage does not exclude them from expressing love, it just excludes them from exploiting the government the way that so many married heterosexual couples do.

I didn’t mean to change the subject like that, but I just wanted to expound upon your agreement than many marry for convenience and not as a way to express a sacred love and commitment to one another.

Wendi October 13, 2008, 2:36 PM

Kate- I love that you feel so strongly about marriage. I really think that more people need to feel that way. I totally agree with all your points.

Tiffany- I really have issues with what you are saying. I find it so sad to even think that people would get married for the legal benefits like tax breaks. Again I will say, that is what is wrong with so many people in this country and why we have such a high divorce rate. Marriage is not a thing of convenience, it is a COMMITMENT!!! People should take it more seriously and pay attention to the meaning of the words in their vows, even if they write them themselves. With that said, if you are going into a marriage knowing you are going to bring others into, then you are violating the very meaning of marriage, ONE MAN ONE WOMAN…PERIOD!! To say that you will allow your spouse to cheat on you is just crazy, just don’t get married if that is what you want. It is pointless. To do it for the tax break, well then to me that would be a person that has no morals.

I am raising my children to know the value of loving a person and marrying them and spending their lives with that special someone. They are taught that you do not allow someone to disrespect you and cheat on you. Because when you allow someone else into your marriage that way, that is what it is…disrespecting you, your spouse and your marriage.

Charles October 13, 2008, 2:41 PM

If you wouldn’t do it with your wife in the room, it’s cheating.

If you would do it with your wife in the room, then you and your wife are welcome to do whatever makes you happy, but please don’t try to make it out to be “normal.” Most people have a hard enough time trying to make their marriages work, they don’t need anyone else telling them they should be cheating too.

Tiffany October 13, 2008, 2:53 PM

Kate and Wendi…one word…judgemental. Consenting adults can get married for any darn reason they wish and make any pact they wish. It really isn’t your business and shouldn’t be open for your opinion. I would say that is the biggest problem we have in the US is people who feel they need to stick their noses into other people’s bedrooms and put their two cents in.

Kate October 13, 2008, 3:08 PM

Thanks for your support and for your comments, Wendi.

Tiffany, I again just want to point out that this is an open forum that is supposed to be open to all opinions. I’m sharing mine just as openly as you are sharing yours. The author of this post invited us into her bedroom (figuratively) when she posted this message.

I believe in traditional marriage - the way that it is supposed to be. That’s all I’m saying. I’m not trying to judge anyone. I’m just stating what marriage started out as, how the government has supported it, and how people in this country have exploited it. And I think it’s sad that the story of marriage finds itself where it is today. End of story.

If someone wants to label me as “closed-minded” or as a “prude,” go for it. I really don’t care. I’ve been called many a name, and frankly, if someone wants to judge me for sticking up for marriage and families, go right ahead. But don’t call me judgmental for doing it. You can do whatever you want with whomever you please, and I’m not going to tell you otherwise. I’m just going to kindly ask that you not disgrace the name of marriage in doing so.

Jo October 13, 2008, 3:13 PM

He had her permission to do this. But I noticed she said it took him a really long time and her urging him to finally do it. Makes me wonder what she did, that would make her decide that he should have another women give him a happy ending?
This kind a behavior is not for me and if some other women did anything with my husband, let’s just say you would hear about it about on the news and I would be doing time.

Wendi October 13, 2008, 3:15 PM

Tiffany….Well wasn’t that the whole point of this? If people do not want things to be said about what goes on in their bedroom and what they are putting out there for the whole world to see, then they should not say a thing and keep it a private matter. I do not feel that I am sticking my nose in anyone’s business. This is an open discussion. I am not a judgemental person, I am a moral and literal person. There is a BIG difference.

As far as marriage for convenience, well that does affect others. Benefits that come with being married are for those who take it seriously, not for those who just want a tax break. It should not be the reason a person is commiting their lives to one another.

Jennifer October 13, 2008, 5:13 PM

I’m just reading through these comments about being a prude and all of this nonsense about what this article is about being OK. Can I just ask what in the H*LL is the matter with you lady? I mean, why don’t you just have one of your friends do it and you can all get it on together.
Why is this even being spoken about on this website. It’s called ‘momlogic’! What is logical about having someone give your husband a handjob?
I pray you people don’t have kids you are passing these little OKs down to. It’s no wonder that one in every four teenagers graduates from high school with an STD. LOOK AT WHAT MOM AND DAD ARE DOING! And if you don’t think your kids ‘know’, you’re absolutely crazier than I thought you were……..

MassageGirl October 13, 2008, 5:34 PM

THANK YOU!! You have no idea how many nice, normal men treat themselves to a little rub ‘n tug on a regular basis. Of course it’s cheating, of course it’s taking thousands of dollars out of your family budget but it’s putting me through college. And it’s better than the divorce that comes of being frustrated and resentful, so smile, nothing is wrong with your marriage. Honest.

Toni October 13, 2008, 5:40 PM

My husband and I have actually talked about this and we totaly agree that is not for us. We watch porno and have done the strip club thing I even told him to go with his friends on his 40th birthday to a club but we do our own happy ending with each other!

Suzanne Eller October 13, 2008, 5:45 PM

I think in your “openness” you’ve opened a door you won’t be able to shut.

Marriage is love and intimacy between two people who have committed for a lifetime to each other only. You don’t extend invitations to a third party into that sacred trust.

gg October 13, 2008, 7:20 PM

i think this woman has a healthy attitude. and i bet her marriage lasts longer and is less stressfull than the women who condone this.

Charles Orlando October 13, 2008, 8:11 PM

I posted a response on my blog, but I thought I should comment here, too.

While I would never presume to know the best thing for any couple, or judge in any way… I have just one question that might even this out a bit: Can both the author of this posting and her husband get their “special massages with happy endings”? If yes, that is (by definition) an open marriage/relationship. If not, why the double standard?

Jenny A October 13, 2008, 9:38 PM

You and your husband seem to make light of this situation while forgetting the plight of the Asian woman who was the third party. Many women in these situations are underage, forced into sex slavery, or have no other choice. You and your husband’s dismissive use of this woman’s unfortunate plight in life makes you both sexual predators in my book. You’re disgusting. And if that woman was underage, as many of them are in that situation, it makes your husband a sexual molester. It is now (thankfully) a crime for Americans to travel abroad for underage sex services. Watch out. Your pathetic attempt to prove how “cool” and “open” you are could land your husband in prison.

gordon October 13, 2008, 9:47 PM

Thats great that the wife is fine with it. She does not have trust issues. On the flip side….would her husband care if she received a sexual massage?

If yes then that is a trust worthy marriage.

Sven October 13, 2008, 9:50 PM

What exact is a “happy ending”? Well in Asia, it’s a little bit more than just a handjob. There, a happy ending is full blown sex, usually her riding the guy. So this is what the author is celebrating. Her husband had sex with an Asian prostitute. High Five!

toni October 13, 2008, 11:46 PM

Ilove the pole question “when your honest about it it doesn’t count as cheating” does that mean that as long as you tell yours husband before you go do something you’re in the clear!

Back to top >>